What a girl wants, what a girl needs

Somewhere along the way, I figured that I should only ask for things I need, instead of stuff I want. I’m trying to unpack why that is with my therapist, but as I look back on my adult life, that’s mostly true.

For those that know me, you may be wanting to protest otherwise. But the truth is, I can make decisions about almost anything, but I weigh what I want into the mix pretty lightly. If it’s something I need (like air, gas, food, temperature control, etc), I can usually voice my concern. If there’s something I want but I’m paying for it or I’m responsible for it, I can usually figure out what I want and go with it.

But what I want from others, especially if it is at a cost (financially or emotionally) to them? Well, that’s a much different story.

For instance, picking out pieces to play on a board game. If I know that some piece or color is your favorite, I’ll pick that out for you and then I’ll pick amongst the leftovers. If I know you don’t like a certain type of food, I’ll suggest a different restaurant so that you’ll feel more comfortable.

The thing is, I rarely lobby for what I want. If someone else is involved, I don’t have a problem lobbying for them – wants and needs alike.

I sound like a pretty nice person, don’t I? Well, I’m not. At least not to myself.

If I always focus on what I need to do or on my obligations, I rarely feel spoiled. And if I don’t voice what I want, it’s next to impossible for someone to spoil me. If I'm always accomodating others, whether they've asked for it or not, I'm not treating myself like a priority.

And what does that leave me with? Well, 80 extra pounds of fat, for one.

Why? I've chosen, over the last few decades, to spoil myself with food rather than the actual acts of kindness that I truly want.  Mostly by my own doing.

These days, one of the things I’m trying to be VERY conscious of is the question, “What do I want?” And when I can, I’m trying to choose what *I* want.

Here’s a few examples:
Joe received great seats to a baseball game from his employer. But I really don’t like baseball. I’ve tried, and I just don’t like it. Plus, it’s on a Thursday night. And honestly? I’d way rather be watching the newest episode of Project Runway. But he feels like he needs to go, and even though I suggested that he go with another friend, he wants me to go. So I will.

However, I still have choices that night. If I want to eat beforehand so I’m not forced to eat things that I don’t really want, I can do so. If I want to, I get to choose to take a nap before the game because I know it’ll be a late night. When it comes down to it, I get to choose lots of stuff – including my attitude.

Another example is our weekend breakfast routine. Joe wants to eat out for breakfast. He also wants to sleep in and cuddle until noon. And then he wants to take his time getting ready. This means that we typically won’t eat our first meal until 1 or 2. And I usually snack on almost anything to keep me not so hungry that I am crabby, but not so full that I'm full when we eat.

And honestly? That kind of drives me crazy. Because in the whole time we’ve been dating, I’ve never said to him that I like to get up at 8 or 9. I like to have some time to myself to do things that I want to do. So really, who’s fault is it that I’ve been doing what we wants rather than asking for what I want?

Last weekend, we cuddled and then I got up to read a book. Later, while he was bumbling around the apartment, I had a bowl of cereal (gasp!) and he chose to skip breakfast. The world didn’t end, and he didn’t dump me. Go figure. He got to cuddle and I got to eat.

I think that's called peace.

This weekend I got up early, walked to our nearby coffee place, purchased a latte and a Sunday paper. I leisurely read the paper, cut the coupons, and organized them. Hours later when he woke up, we went out to breakfast.

I’m finding that I’m loving recognizing that I have a choice in things. And that it’s perfectly all right to choose stuff that I want or to choose to voice my wants. I can still be contentious about other’s feelings, but I don’t have to always squelch what I want to make others feel loved.

Because really, aren’t we all worth spoiling – even if just a little? And don’t you feel more capable of making it through all the things you HAVE to do when you get to choose things that you WANT from time to time?

Lastly, I’m trying to be conscious of not just what I eat, but how I eat. If I don’t want to rush through a meal, I don’t have to. I can take my full lunch hour. I can not multi-task by talking to friends or family during my dinner. I can CHOOSE to get up earlier so I’m not scarfing down my breakfast while cursing at other drivers.

Realizing that I get a choice in lots of things is pretty empowering, even if it’s still unfamiliar. But like a muscle that gets stronger the more you use it, I’m finding it’s getting a bit easier with time.

A thousand points of pain (repost)

Know how Jack Sh*t has "Same Old Sh*t Saturdays?" A few weeks ago, I decided to steal borrow this move from his playbook with a different twist. So on Saturdays (at least through August), I've decided to post a little something about me or my life. Think of it as a way to get to know me better...about stuff other than weight loss and healthy eating.



Today's post is from my other blog - one that I started first. There isn't really anything over there about weight loss or healthy eating, it's pretty much just me being silly, funny, and gross. So basically it's like me, only as a 15 year old boy.
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Yesterday I went to my mailbox only to find that the inventors of the book and DVD "The Secret" sent me an exclusive offer.

If you know anything about "The Secret," you know that the idea is that you can manifest things to happen. Like if you concentrate and believe you can make things good or bad happen. It's kind of like the idea behind how Tinkerbell can come back to life if you clap hard enough. Now I personally think that there is something to the power of positive thought and the principles behind this idea.

However, I was tired. I had just spent time with the girls at my monthly dinner out. And no, that's not code for anything. So I decided that I'd just shred the thing - like what I do with all of my junk mail.

Only the packet was so thick, I knew that it would jam my shredder. So I started to open the envelope with my thumb and slide it along the top to open the thing. That's when I got about forty paper cuts which equals one thousand points of light pain.*

So, in going with "The Secret" philosophy, what the hell was that brought on by? I didn't meditate on the thought of pain. I don't think that the makers of "The Secret" bulk mail visualizing people opening their mail and being cut is a great marketing strategy - so it's unlikely that that is what brought it on.

I guess I just think it's strange that I was cut by complete chance (in my opinion) by a sheets of paper in a bulk mailing promoting the idea that NOTHING happens by chance. Everything, according to them, was manifested and brought on by something.

So just in case there is some evil person visualizing my demise, I want you to know that your message was received.

And I hate you.

* See? Not all of my posts have Democratic undertones. That reference was just for you, Bush lovers. AND NO, THAT'S NOT CODE FOR ANYTHING.

Reclaiming the women's locker room (repost)

Know how Jack Sh*t has "Same Old Sh*t Saturdays?" Well, last week, I decided to steal borrow this move from his playbook with a different twist. For the next few Saturdays, I've decided to post a little something about me or my life. Think of it as a way to get to know me better...about stuff other than weight loss and healthy eating.

Today's post is from my other blog - one that I started first. There isn't really anything over there about weight loss or healthy eating, it's pretty much just me being silly, funny, and gross. So basically it's like me, only as a 15 year old boy.
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I work with mostly men.

I am the only woman who is active in our office and therefore I'm the only woman who uses the women's locker room. Due to our disproportionate ratio of men to locker room space, they have been plotting to take over our locker room. About a year ago, they came to each woman in our office and asked if they could use it - under the condition that if we wanted to use it, we would get first dibs. Despite a couple of scuffles to get to the locker room first, they've held pretty true to their word. I've used said locker room several times - but it's only been to change clothes for a run at lunch or to get ready to go to the gym after work.

But as I've stated before, yesterday was Colorado's Bike to Work Day, and that meant that I would need to keep a change of clothes and toiletries in the actual lockers. That's when I realized that our guys had taken over every locker.

So I decided to take one of the lockers back (and yes, I asked before I removed their stuff).

Since the locker that I got was a top one, I couldn't really pee on it to mark it as my space. So I did the next best thing.

In case you can't tell, we've got Vanilla Ice at the top (complete with shaved eyebrows! Word to your mother!)

The cool Cory/Cory combo (Haim and Feldman) AND Davy Jones (after all, he is so very dreamy)

...and last, but certainly not least, we've got "The Hoff" - circa 1980's where manscaping was a very distant thought.

 
Yup. I think this locker is mine.

Note to co-workers: Manage your diabetes or we will hurt you (repost)

Know how Jack Sh*t has "Same Old Sh*t Saturdays?"  Well, I've decided to steal borrow this move from his playbook with a different twist.  For the next few Saturdays, I've decided to post a little something about me or my life.  Think of it as a way to get to know me better...about stuff other than weight loss and healthy eating.  Feel free to skip it if you wish, I just thought it might be fun.

Today's post is from my other blog - one that I started first.  There isn't really anything over there about weight loss or healthy eating, it's pretty much just me being silly, funny, and gross.  So basically it's like me, only as a 15 year old boy.
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A co-worker went into diabetic shock on Monday. The good news is that she is fine...but the bad news is that not many of us knew what to do to help.

So, in an effort to ease people's anxiety, we had a safety meeting yesterday where we went over warning signs of low blood sugar and high blood sugar. You might be interested to know that people with low blood sugar are usually cranky. So, let me just answer the question that I've been asked all day long. NO. I don't have low blood sugar right now.

Anyway, in an attempt to educate us, our Operations Manager asked us in a meeting, "What do you do if the diabetic goes into an unresponsive state?"

And another co-worker said, "Give them CPR."

So the Ops Manager said, "No. No, that would be very bad."

At a couple of blank looks, he went on to explain the difference between your heart not beating (and thus needing CPR) and someone passing out (where the person does NOT need CPR, and you should proabably call 911).

I'm just saying, if you're a diabetic and need a job, you probably don't want to work here. We're likely going to make matters worse.