Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Success by any other name...

Well, I weighed in this morning and I'm down another 1.6 pounds - making a total loss year since mid-April at just under 17 pounds.  I thought I'd feel really great about adding a ticker bar at the top of my page...because YAY!  16.6 pounds is great!  Only then I saw visually just how far I have to go and that was a bit depressing.

I think I don't see myself as big as I really am.  When I think of myself, I still envision the person almost 50 pounds lighter - the person who could go into any store and buy something that would fit (Abercrombie & Fitch doesn't count).  I was that person in 2009.  

And then sometimes things will happen and I'll remember all over again that I'm not as small as I think I am.

Like when I see a picture of myself full body view.  Or like when I ask that the person take it landscape-wise instead of portrait-wise (using the excuse that we want a close up of our faces!).

Or when I sit down in some movie seats and it's a bit more snug than what I remember it being.  Or when I sit in some chairs at restaurants and I'm keenly aware of how the side arm supports are digging into my chubby thighs.

Or like last night when I was watching an episode of "Dexter" and saw an actress wearing an attractive dress - one that really showed off the female form - and I realized that I would look *completely* different in it than she did.

But most of the time, I'm blissfully unaware of the rolls of chub on my back or of my tummy showing when I write higher up on white boards at work.

Sometimes I think that I've been yearning for my goal weight for so long that I'm not even sure I believe it's attainable any more.  I've been that weight exactly once in my life - and it was when I was younger and gaining weight right past that number.  It's a number so out of touch with my reality that I can't even relate any longer.  Does that even make sense?

I'm wondering if I should stop focusing on that weight and instead pick a good NEXT goal. Like I'd like to get below the next weight bar on a manual scale at the doctor's office.  I'd like to be able to go in for my next appointment and not have to say "it's the next one up" when they guess incorrectly at the first two numbers of my weight.


Perhaps I shouldn't focus on weight at all...instead go by the next pants size that I want to be.

All I really know is that I want to look and feel more healthy.  I want to be happy when I see my engagement and wedding photos and I want to be healthy so that getting pregnant (and healing from the c-section) isn't as much of a struggle.

I know that I'm on the right path.  I know that I'm doing it...perhaps one more step (or one less bite) at a time.  I know that I have the power to lose weight faster...by choosing to have more of a calorie deficit or by kicking my metabolism into a higher gear.

What do you all do?  Do you focus on your end goal?  Do you focus solely on the next smaller goal?  Is it weight based?  Size based? 

How do you define success?

13 Comments:

MIZ said...

Im a babystepper.
TINY GOAL TO TINY GOAL.

Madijo@fixing Me said...

Congrats on your weight loss so far! Every little bit counts, seriously.

I have been/still am where you are. I made an ultimate end goal (lose 100 lbs), but I have monthly goals too. I also give myself rewards for having reached my mini goals.

Best of luck!

Andropeyronie said...

Seriously well done hun. I know how difficult it can be but looks like your moving in the right direction.

Leanne said...

2 steps forward 1 step back. It happens to the best of us but your doing SO well!!

Benny said...

Little baby steps is all you need to get the results you desire and keep the weight off.

Natalie said...

It is a long and winding road hun.

Sienna said...

First off, congratulations on the weight loss - that's an incredible achievement :)

Secondly, the way you are feeling is completely normal. Keep your mind focused on where you are going and don't look in the rear view mirror too often :)

Jennifer F said...

My hat goes off to you luv., You are doing what you want and you should be proud.

Obat Anemia Alami said...

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Alex said...

First off, congrats on the weight loss :)

Secondly, I focus on the end goal but I also make little milestones along the way to keep me motivated. Doing this has helped me shed 75lbs so far :)

Alexander said...

Looks like you are doing fantastically well. Keep going and driving towards the end goal.

Vanessa said...

Keep pushing forward, and whatever definition of success you have, you will succeed :)

Becky said...

Sixteen pounds is really a progress, don't let the rest of the way to go discourage you. There is a great quote that goes something like "Few months from now, you will wish you had started sooner". This one really resonates within me, no matter what I'm struggling with. The important thing is to keep going until you're happy.

Also, I think smaller and more attainable goals produce better results. It kind of gives you something to look forward to, while not making it seem unattainable. Considering that's how your ultimate goal weight seems to you, I think you could do a lot better with smaller goals.