Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Downtown run and request

The run
Yesterday morning the alarm clock went off at 5 AM and I actually got up.  This is a small miracle.

I ended up getting up and donning my running gear while Joe slept all warm and cuddly in the bed.  This is also a small miracle (because hello! Morning cuddles are the BEST!).

I ran the same route that I ran a few weeks ago...only this time it was dark.  I need to get some more reflective elements on my clothing.  I don't cross a lot of streets on the route that I've picked, but with the mornings staying dark longer, it makes sense to be as safe as possible.

Running on a route that is usually packed with swarms of people was interesting.  The streets downtown were pretty much deserted at 5 AM and when I ran along a creek (one that is no where near traffic) I was the only person on the path.  It felt serene.

There's just something about being up first thing and being able to be alone with your thoughts, your ideas, and yourself.  There's something about enjoying the wonderfulness that IS a new day.  It's fresh, clean, unmarred, and able to be fully enjoyed.  I enjoyed the run so much. And when I finished, I felt proud that I started my day off where I was a priority to myself.

I'll be doing that a lot more often in the days and weeks to come.

The Request
Lastly, if you all could hold a good thought for me in the next few days, I'd appreciate it.  The last interview that I have for a company that I'd really like to work for is either tomorrow or Thursday.  They are down to two candidates - me and another guy.  The guy who has the final say prefers the other person and from what I know about him, there is good reason for it.  He has more experience in the field that the job is for.  I have the same skill sets and some experience - just not as much as this guy.  BUT I have other skills and attributes that he might not have (apparently he is much younger than I am).  We each have to give a 30 minute presentation and then have two hours of one-on-one interviews where we can try to sway them towards us.

I found out yesterday that I misunderstood who would be my boss - and it turns out that last week I actually interviewed with the guy that would be my boss.  AND he is the guy that prefers the other candidate.  I feel a bit discouraged by this.

Ultimately, it's out of my hands.  And truthfully, I want a job where the company wants me too.

But the fit seems right and the timing seems great.  The job seems interesting and challenging.  The perks are awesome.  And my current situation is less than desirable.  Unlike doubts about myself as a person, I know that I can do this job and do it well.  I have been very successful at any job I've had - and I know that this would be no exception.  I just need them to see that - and to take a chance on the underdog. 

So I'm hopeful and asking for your positive vibes.

Monday, August 30, 2010


This past weekend, I enjoyed another Mindful Yoga/Mindful Eating classes.  I first started going in February and have only missed one class - which was the weekend that Joe and I celebrated our anniversary in Steamboat with a 10 1/2 mile hike.

I love these classes.  There is a lot of discussion about how we can all be more mindful about food and our eating; about how we can have a more harmonious relationship with food.  There is some really gentle yoga (it's gotten more passive/gentle as the months go on) and then there is a mindful eating exercise...which basically means that we sit around in a circle, chewing the food slowly and trying to taste every morsel that should be tasted.

I love these classes.

We're also talking a lot about Geneen Roth's book "Women, Food, and God."  If you haven't read the book, I highly recommend that you do.

There are several things that have struck me as profound - and I'll share some in the weeks to come.

This past week, Erica, our leader talked about Geneen's chapter titled: Never Underestimate the Inclination to Bolt (which is actually a quote by Pema Chodron).  And in this chapter, she talks about how bolting - by vegging out via TV, binge eating, drinking, or even checking out mentally is a way to avoid our lives.

Geneen writes about how she tells the people that come to her retreat and might want to bolt:

      I tell them that if compulsive eating is anything, it's a way we leave ourselves when life gets hard.  When we don't want to notice what is going on.  Compulsive eating is a way we distance ourselves from the way things are when they are not how we want them to be.  I tell them that ending the obsession with food is all about the capacity to stay in the present moment.  To not leave themselves.  I tell them that they don't have to make a choice between losing weight and doing this.  Weight loss is the easy part; anytime you truly listen to your hunger and fullness, you lose weight.  But I also tell them that compulsive eating is basically a refusal to be fully alive.  No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul.  We refuse to take in what sustains us.  We live lives of deprivation.  And when we can't stand it any longer, we binge.  The way we are able to accomplish all of this is by the simple act of bolting- of leaving ourselves - hundreds of times a day. 
      But that doesn't touch the sudden realization - and the subsequent panic - that they really don't want to sit in the center of their own lives.  It's one thing to say you want to stop using food to numb yourself.  To be miserable about the size of your body.  To feel as if you are killing yourself with double cheeseburgers and fries.  But slowing down, asking yourself what is actually going on when you want to eat when you aren't hungry, watching how you inhale three muffins before you even realize you're eating - that's going to far.  There is something about accepting the unpredictable fragility of this life that is just too much.  So the very minute they begin feeling or sensing or thinking something that is uncomfortable, they want to get out of Dodge. (emphasis mine)

Wow.  To me, that's profound. 

Last week, I started asking myself if this whole mindful eating thing could actually work.  Sure, Geneen says it's possible.  So does my therapist.  But the harder I try, the more elusive it feels.

How could I be successful with this long term?

I felt like a rat in a maze - and I was SO tempted to go back to the points system via Weight Watchers.  At least that was something that I knew...something that has worked for thousands of peoples.  I know because I see commercials.  I read your blogs.

But this weekend, after Erica read the excerpt above, I remembered that my problem isn't about food or portions.  It's about how sometimes I want to leave my life SO badly, I'll do anything to check out.

To me, it's about vulnerability.  Sometimes, I'm so scared of what The Voice* will say when I'm quiet.  When I'm sad, I'm afraid I won't be heard and that I won't be understood.  When Joe and I argue, I'm afraid he'll leave.  When I think about getting a puppy or a cat, I'm afraid of it dying.  When I make a new friend, I'm sometimes afraid of her turning on me.

When I post something significant to me, I'm afraid of the negative feedback I get.  I'm afraid I'll lose more followers.  I'm afraid I'll disappoint you.

But really, I'm not afraid of vulnerability...I'm afraid of being afraid of vulnerability.  In other words, when all the negative things that make up The Voice start combining and I know I'm going to hear awful things about me, I bolt.  When The Voice just opens it's mouth, I check out and run.  I don't even want to hear what it has to say - what if what it says is so horrible I can't go on?

This past weekend, after the yoga class, Joe and I got into a fight - about women's clothing of all things.  He got SO frustrated...and I couldn't understand why clothing that he had no intentions of wearing was making him so upset.  The more I tried to understand, the more frustrated he became and it culminated in us raising our voices, which is very atypical.

He went to go take a shower, and I felt so sad.  I actually thought about binge eating while he was in the shower.

But instead I stopped.  I shut the door to the bedroom and I cried.  I decided to practice listening to The Voice.

So I did.  The Voice said this:
"You are a horrible girlfriend.  You could tell that he was getting frustrated, but you kept pushing!  Why would you do that?  You're just like your mother...always nagging.  Didn't your dad tell you that men don't like nagging women?  He's going to leave.  You know that, right?  He's going to come out of that shower and say that this isn't working and that he wants you to move out.  Just like your dad did.  What will you do then?  You'll be all alone.  Just goes to show you shouldn't trust anyone.  And who are you going to find who will love your fat self?  No one.  You are a failure."


So I heard her out.  And after a while, The Voice didn't have anything original to say.  In fact, The Voice has been saying those same things my whole life.  How did I not realize that until now?

And they aren't true.  If my relationship with Joe ends, then it ends.  Life goes on.  I'm not a horrible girlfriend.  I'm thoughtful, considerate, giving, and compassionate.  I don't always nag.  I was trying to understand why he was so frustrated - it wasn't nagging.  I *can* trust people.  And as for who will love my fat self?  Well, I think it's about time that I do.

And just like that, The Voice lost it's power.  I stood up, wiped the tears from my eyes, and got some water.  I waited until Joe got out of the shower and I calmly explained why I was pushing so hard for an answer - I wanted to understand him.  He apologized for getting so frustrated.  I explained that sometimes I feel like a bad girlfriend when we fight.  He said that all couples argue.  I said I was worried that this might make me a bad wife.  He said that my thoughtfulness, compassionate, and willingness to try again will make me an excellent wife.  I explained that I love him - and that out of all the people in the world I wanted to fight with, he would be last on that list.  He said the same about me.

This weekend, I had the courage to stay, to not bolt or check out when my life seemed scary.  I stood up for myself.  Even though I was vulnerable.  Even though I was scared.  Even though I felt bad for myself.

Like any good episodic movie/TV series, I know that I will have to face The Voice again and again.  But by facing it when I was most vulnerable and defeating it, gives me hope that I can do so again and again.

*No.  I'm not schizophrenic.  The Voice is basically my own self negative thoughts that I really do think - a mixture of parents or parental figures throughout the years that have told me I wasn't good enough - and that I should be better.

It's Monday...

And you know what that means.

Head on over to the review blog to enter to win this month's Laughing Cow contest.

Share something funny (anything funny will do!) or link to the post...or even tweet  - all of those will get you an entry into the best contest ever.

Winner gets $150 Visa card...which could buy a lot of healthy food or even a Wii Fit or other exercise equipment!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I am an idiot...

First, thanks to everyone who chimed in on my recent post asking how to celebrate without food.  There were a few really great suggestions and if anything, it helps me feel less alone when faced with this conundrum.

I thought that I would lighten the mood by telling you about my running experience yesterday.

Tuesday, even though it was a wonderful day to run, stuff came up and I couldn't take the time to take a lunch (healthy, I know).

So yesterday, I brought my running stuff just in case.

Just before noon, I checked my weatherchannel.com app on my phone and saw that it was 72 degrees.  I was thrilled! It meant that I could run without issue.

So, I set out and start running.  At first, it isn't too bad.  But then I start really feeling like I'm running through quicksand.  I know my pace is horrible and I'm getting SO HOT.

I stopped and walked for a bit but was shocked at how I could actually feel myself getting hotter.  I knew I was getting sunburned, but my whole body felt like I was having a bad heat reaction.  At least when I jogged, I was getting SOME airflow.

On I trudged - making my way back to the office.

But as I did so, I just couldn't get over how hot it was.  I started wondering if I was having heat exhaustion or if the stress of the interview and life was causing me problems.  THEN I realized that I hadn't had much water that day so far - so I figured maybe it was a hydration issue.

The last half mile, I walked almost the whole thing.  By that time, I figured that my app was broken...there is just no way that it was only 72 degrees!

So I checked.  And YES - again, there it was again - a temp in the low 70s (although by this time, it had heated up to 74 degrees).


And that's when I realized my error...

I hadn't changed my default city from where I was this weekend.


Turns out, I was running in mid-80s weather.  Had I known THAT, there was no way I would've run.  What can I say?  I'm a wuss.  Running outside in this altitude with the hot sun shining down on someone of my size is not exactly a great idea.

It took me taking a cold shower and waiting a full hour for my face to get back to it's normal shade (i.e. NOT bright red).


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Rewarding behaviors

Alright folks, I need your help. 

Growing up, we celebrated EVERYTHING with food.  If we had a dance recital, a band performance, or any other "big" thing, the whole family would go out for dinner, ice cream, or some treat.  When it was our birthday, my mom put out a big huge red plate that said "You are special today" all around the rim of it - and we got to pick what we wanted for dinner.

If one of us kids had a bad day, sometimes we'd go out to eat or for a cup of ice cream.  If my mom had a bad day, we ALWAYS did.

It's been so ingrained in my life that celebrating with food is second nature to me.

A week ago, Joe and I were talking about this, and it sounded very weird to him.  His family never celebrated like that.  They never had restrictions on food in his house - candy, cokes, and ice cream were everywhere if they wanted it.  Which meant that they usually didn't want it.

It sounds foreign to me, but it made me really wish that his mom was still alive so I could find out how it actually worked.

Monday night, while preparing for the interview that I had yesterday morning, I said to Joe, "If I do well on the interview, we'll have to go out to eat tomorrow night to celebrate."  He quickly agreed.

And then I remembered that I didn't want to celebrate with food any longer...so I asked him what his family would've done in this situation.  He didn't know.  He suggested a treat of some other kind - like that we would go see a movie or DO something new to celebrate a new thing.

It turns out, I was so tired last night, that all I wanted to do was sleep - which is what I did.

But it prompts the question:

What DO healthy people do to celebrate big changes and good things in their life?

Help me out here...what do you do?  Is a food celebration okay or do you stray from it completely?  How have you made the changes towards celebrating good times other than with revolving around food?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Two down, one to go...

This morning I had a second interview for the job that I mentioned in this post.  The first interview was over the phone with an HR person...this interview was in person with someone who seemed to think that I would be a good fit for the company...he is my (if I get the job) future boss' boss.

My boss (again, should I get the job) is someone that I have worked with - although both of us were with separate companies.  From what I know of him, I respect him...and he is largely responsible for me getting my foot in the door.

The job has lots of things that are very desirable...one of which being that it will be very challenging.  As in, I'm going to have to start writing my posts at night and not at work. :)  I would have to learn at least two additional languages.  I'd have to buy a whole new wardrobe (good thing I have a few items that will fit the bill from my recent shopping spree!).  I'd get to challenge myself with new roles and responsibilities.

I'm excited, a little nervous, and a lot thankful for the opportunity.

Hopefully the last of the job interviews will happen in the next two weeks so I can move forward with this process.

As for now, I'm off to go for a quick run.  It's in the 70s today and I'm not going to let the cool weather and sunshine go to waste.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Time away...

This past weekend, I went away on a trip to visit an old college friend, his wife, and their two kids.

It was a last minute decision, one that I made impulsively...and one that I regretted once I was on the plane.  I hadn't seen this friend in 13 years.  I've never met his wife.  Even when we were in college, it's not like we had long, heart-felt talks, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?

Turns out, it was a great trip.  One filled with laughter, great conversation, and awesome food choices.  There was an outdoor market where we went and I was able to see the difference between freshly harvested fruits and veggies and the crap that is in most grocery stores.  The bounty of food that was available made me thankful that I lived in a country where fresh food is a possibility.  We are so blessed!

We ran with the kids, skipped and played LIKE kids.  We went to the aquarium and children's museums.  I lifted, carried, and swung the kiddos so many times, my biceps are still killing me this morning.

I had fresh fish for dinner and healthy fresh egg scrambled with great quality ham and veggies.  My only snacks were a few almonds each day...but that was enough to stave off the hunger and enjoy what we were doing at the time.

The whole time, I was mindful.  I passed up desserts, snacks, and seconds because I just wasn't hungry.

It was the first trip I've taken in a long time where I wasn't thinking non-stop about the food that we would be eating, could be eating, or should be eating.  We stayed up late each night laughing and telling old stories from college...and in the morning I was greeted with giggling girls wanting nothing more than to snuggle with me while watching cartoons (the bed that I slept on was in the TV room). 

It was truly a vacation - for my mind, body, and spirit.

It gives me hope that one of these days I can have a positive relationship with food - even while celebrating.

P.S.  Here's this week's friendly reminder to enter the Laughing Cow sweeps for this month on my other blog.  If you can't think of anything funny to write, put up a picture, video, post a link to the blog or tweet about the giveaway.  It so happened that last month's random winner is a loyal reader of this blog - but (obviously) you have to enter to win!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A thousand points of pain (repost)

Know how Jack Sh*t has "Same Old Sh*t Saturdays?" A few weeks ago, I decided to steal borrow this move from his playbook with a different twist. So on Saturdays (at least through August), I've decided to post a little something about me or my life. Think of it as a way to get to know me better...about stuff other than weight loss and healthy eating.

Today's post is from my other blog - one that I started first. There isn't really anything over there about weight loss or healthy eating, it's pretty much just me being silly, funny, and gross. So basically it's like me, only as a 15 year old boy.

Yesterday I went to my mailbox only to find that the inventors of the book and DVD "The Secret" sent me an exclusive offer.

If you know anything about "The Secret," you know that the idea is that you can manifest things to happen. Like if you concentrate and believe you can make things good or bad happen. It's kind of like the idea behind how Tinkerbell can come back to life if you clap hard enough. Now I personally think that there is something to the power of positive thought and the principles behind this idea.

However, I was tired. I had just spent time with the girls at my monthly dinner out. And no, that's not code for anything. So I decided that I'd just shred the thing - like what I do with all of my junk mail.

Only the packet was so thick, I knew that it would jam my shredder. So I started to open the envelope with my thumb and slide it along the top to open the thing. That's when I got about forty paper cuts which equals one thousand points of light pain.*

So, in going with "The Secret" philosophy, what the hell was that brought on by? I didn't meditate on the thought of pain. I don't think that the makers of "The Secret" bulk mail visualizing people opening their mail and being cut is a great marketing strategy - so it's unlikely that that is what brought it on.

I guess I just think it's strange that I was cut by complete chance (in my opinion) by a sheets of paper in a bulk mailing promoting the idea that NOTHING happens by chance. Everything, according to them, was manifested and brought on by something.

So just in case there is some evil person visualizing my demise, I want you to know that your message was received.

And I hate you.

* See? Not all of my posts have Democratic undertones. That reference was just for you, Bush lovers. AND NO, THAT'S NOT CODE FOR ANYTHING.

Friday, August 20, 2010

So what happens now?

In the musical Evita, there is a song entitled, "Another Suitcase in Another Hall."

The gist of the song is this: Evita goes to Buenos Aires expecting to make it big as an actress, dancer, or anything, and instead gets many rejections.  She asks, "So what happens now?" continually and the people in the song answer back, "another suitcase in another hall...take your picture off another wall...you'll get by you always have before."

And still she continues the cycle - asking what should happen after her most recent rejection...

Until the last time that she asks, "So what happens now?" where a photographer answers back "Don't ask anymore."

It's like the simplest answer, right?

If asking a question repeatedly stresses you out, stop doing it.

All of that was a (probably poorly written) segue into my life.

The past few weeks, as I've been walking past storefront windows (which are everywhere downtown), I've been catching glimpses of myself in the window.  And when I see myself - walking alongside Joe, my sister, friends visiting from out of town, or even one of the homeless people that are always around, I find myself amazed at just how big I look.  I look EVERY time there is a window that I can see my reflection in.  I look, I reflect, I judge, and I self loathe.  That's the cycle.

This morning, I enjoyed a small celebration on the scale - which showed a number lower than what it has been in a week or two.  I've been battling my eating the last several weeks, so seeing a smaller number has been a long time coming.  When I got dressed, I felt smaller, I felt confident, I felt proud of the food choices I have been making.

And yet - on the way to my car, I noticed the window - and the person staring back at me was the same frumpy, fat person she always is.

When I look at the window reflection, I see myself exactly like how I did at my heaviest weight. I look slumpy, with a large waist, and no chin. I look huge, unkempt, and unbelievably fat. I immediately start feeling bad about myself, my looks, and my self confidence plummets.

I'm tired of looking and seeing someone that I was 50 pounds ago.  I'm tired of hearing that critical Voice inside my head telling me that each change, each bite, each decision that I make that is healthier isn't making a difference on the outside.  The Voice tells me that I never will see a smaller reflection, so I might as well give in and live the gluttonous life of the person I resemble.

So what happens now?

I'm determined to change my reaction to the girl in the window reflection.

So what happens now?

I'm determined to life a healthy life - one that nurtures my body, my mind, and my spirit.  I will make positive choices that affect these areas of my life.

So what happens now?

Since I can't seem to see the reflection without judging and hurting my spirit, I'm telling myself, "Don't look anymore."

It was the first of many positive choices that I made and will continue to make today.  I stood up for ME even though it would've been easier to reply the same record.  I made a healthy choice - to let go of the relationship with the girl in the window - after all, she makes me feel bad every time I see her. 

I feel empowered, I feel great, and I feel like I can do this.

So, I ask you...what happens next in your life?

Thursday, August 19, 2010


This morning I woke up with a determination to have a day on program.  To eat when I'm hungry - and without distractions, to stop when I'm satisfied, and to make healthy choices.

I packed my breakfast, lunch, and snacks for the day.  I even grabbed my running gear so that I could run at lunch.

After getting to the office, I worked until I got hungry.  Then, I went into our lunchroom and made myself a healthy version of an Egg McMuffin (toasted double fiber whole wheat english muffin, one microwaved egg, a few sprays of fake butter, and a sliver of gouda cheese).  It's a go-to breakfast for me - one of many.  If I ever find myself off track (which I haven't really been), then a go-to breakfast gets me right back on track.

I knew it would taste good.  I knew that the fiber would be good for me, that the egg would give me enough protein to stave off hunger, and that the cheese would be tasty.

But then, in walks one of our sales representatives with a box full of fresh baked pastries from Panera.  Chocolate chip muffins, cheese danishes, gooey pecan rolls, and other morsels of tasty goodness.  And suddenly, my healthy eating plan (POOF) was gone.

All I could think about was eating something in that box. 

I ended up getting involved in a long conversation with the sales rep - during which I ate my breakfast.  I thought that maybe my desire for the baked goods was because I was hungry.

Nope.  Because when I was done, I still wanted something from that box.

"But you're not hungry!" I told myself.

"BUT I WANT IT!," my self told me.

And right then, I remembered the Peter Drucker quote.  I remembered Big Clyde and how he told me to "get in gear and make great choices today" (for some reason, I'm scared to break a promise to Andre the Giant). 

So instead, even though I WANTED that cheese danish (and HOO BOY how I wanted it), I walked out of the room.

And that's when it occurred to me - all over again - in order for me to be successful on my journey, I have to be WILLING to turn down those kinds of temptations again and again.  

Being healthy is a goal that has no end. 

Having a healthy relationship with food is something you either have or you don't.  And since I want that healthy relationship with food, I need to be willing to make the tough decision every day, every week, every year.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010


So I was an impatient thing and started messing around with the header that Sam and I worked on. I thought I was smart because I was only playing around on the test page.

Then I realized that what I was doing to affect my design/test page was, in fact, messing with this blog too.

And when I checked that out?  Well, it looked like crap-ola.  In some areas, you couldn't even read what I had written. 

So I ended up changing this blog design before I was really ready.  Whoops.

What is up now is a rough design of what I had intended.  Fonts/spacing may change, but you get the gist.

Right about now I feel like the girl that ruined a surprise party - one that took much planning to orchestrate...

So um...SURPRISE!  (slap to the forehead)

Egg on fire...

I mentioned yesterday that my younger sister flew in town with her fiance'.

Typically (but maybe not always) this means that they have the intention to actually MARRY each other.

Which means there will be a wedding.

I found out this weekend that she wants me to wear a pale yellow bridesmaid dress...one that I could wear again if I wanted to.  She assured me it would be very pretty.

Can I just stop here and say that in no way shape or form is ANYONE going to wear a bridesmaid's dress to any other function?  I've been a bridesmaid or a maid of honor 8 times now.  I've only worn ONE of the dresses again...and that was for a rugby competition where we needed to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses on the field before playing a game where they would get shredded.  Somehow I don't think that's what the bride meant.

Wait.  Joella, Rachel, and Kelly - if you're reading this...of course I'm not talking about YOUR bridesmaid dress.  I'm talking about someone else's.  Someone else's that doesn't read this blog.

My point is, if you're a bride, just figure that no one will wear whatever you've picked out again.  It could be a really pretty dress (and some have been!)...but it probably doesn't look like a formal.  Or a cocktail dress...so the chance that someone else would wear it again to any "real" event is silly.  They look like bridesmaid dresses...and no one really wears those again - even if you are in Kathrine Heigl's wedding at some point (27 Dresses anyone?  Bueller?).

Here's the thing though, I've always been happy to wear whatever the bride wanted...and if that was some random dress, then so be it.  I did it because I loved the person I was standing in for...and I did it happily.

So back to my pale yellow monstrosity.

Know what I don't want to look like standing next to her?  An Easter egg on fire.  And with my red hair that's probably what I would look like at my current weight.

So I'm determined to look as good as anyone CAN look in a yellow bridesmaid dress made of taffeta and satin.  UGH.

I've got 8 months, people.  Eight months to even out my farmer's tan, to slim down some more, and to tone up these bat wings where people have upper arms. 

It's a challenge, but I'm up for it.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sticking with it

This past weekend, my younger sister and her fiance' flew into Denver for the annual Mile High Music Festival.

She and I have seen the Dave Matthews Band many times together, but this was the first where we brought our significant others.

We had a blast...I drank more than I typically do (which is to say that I drank SOME; I usually drink NONE), but for the most part I made great food choices.

Each morning at breakfast, I had what I really wanted and only as much as it took to fill me up.  For instance, one morning I had one egg, two slices of bacon, two strawberries, and wheat toast; a far cry from what I used to eat.

Saturday night, the first night of the festival, when faced with tons of carnival food, we all ate items from the vegetarian booth.  I had a spinach tortilla with lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, feta cheese, and hummus.  They were stingy on the hummus and feta cheese...so basically, I had veggies wrapped in a tortilla.  But you know what?  It was wonderful.  My body was happy that I didn't weigh it down with the greasy burgers, brats, and other foods that just wouldn't have tasted good.

I slipped up that night and got a single scoop ice cream cone though.  I say that I slipped up because I didn't really want it - I just wanted something sweet.  In retrospect, I should've had one or part of the berry kabobs that my younger sister enjoyed instead (yes, it was drizzled with some milk and white chocolate). 

Sunday night I didn't do AS well as I did on Saturday night.  I ended up having a huge beer on an empty stomach and ended up getting a chicago style dog (lots of veggies on a hot dog) instead of the veggie wrap.  I did share a fruit kabob with Joe though, so that was at least better than the ice cream.

Dave Matthews Band - we were very close to the stage!
The thing is, when surrounded by people who are doing just about everything to excess, a part of me wanted to join along.  A part of me wanted to not miss out - as if not stuffing my face would be me missing out on the experience somehow.  I realized that it was absurd to feel the way that I did.  I pondered why I felt that way.  I still don't know why I felt that way.  But I knew what I should do.  All of these thoughts are the same as what I've had the last 12 weeks.  Typically, at this point, I'd indulge anyway.  But this time, I remembered the quote that resonated with me on Friday.

This weekend, it came down to will.  I have to be WILLING to do the work.  Even if I don't want to.  Even if I don't understand.  Even if my inner voice wants to rebel.  Even though I wanted to, and even though I didn't understand why I wanted to, I left that "not understanding but still wanting" to the side.  I was willing to do what I promised to do even though I didn't get the WHY involved.  What matters is that I didn't indulge to excess.  The rest of the stuff I can figure out when I'm not in the moment wanting to eat everything in sight.

I think I now understand that practicing mindful eating doesn't mean doing whatever you want whenever you want.  I still have to be willing to take the actions (like moving my body or NOT eating) that are necessary.  Mindful eating also doesn't mean that you have to be perfect...that you have to know WHY you want to stop or continue eating in order to do it "right."  Sometimes, I have to just trust the process and know that whatever feelings come up can be figured out later...for now, I just need to promise to stop eating when I'm not hungry.

I was the biggest person in our group.  It was evident in every picture.  But just when I started feeling a little bad that I was the fattest in the group, I realized that at this time two years ago, I was different.

In 2008, my younger sister flew up to visit me for the first Mile High Music Festival where we saw Dave Matthews...I had just started my weight loss journey - having joined Weight Watchers the Monday before she flew out.  I've lost almost over 50 pounds since then and have kept it off. 

I have changed.  And while these pictures (with me in the exact same shirt!) shows the external changes, there were many internal ones that needed to be made as well.

Being 50 pounds lighter made a huge difference in where I was able to walk and what I was able to do.  It may have been two years, but I remember the pain of dancing for just one night had on my body the next day.  This time?  I danced both nights.   Last time I worried who would see the fat girl dancing in the crowd.  This time?  I didn't care who noticed.  I felt great.

I may still have been the biggest person in our party, but I'm healthier than what I was before.  THAT matters.  THAT is still a success.

I AM willing to continue to choose better choices.  I AM willing to pass on foods that my body doesn't want.  And I'm willing to do the work that it will take to be healthier - mind, body, and soul.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I want to say I cook better than this, but mom taught me not to lie

Click here to read my funny story about how I once helped make something so horrible that only my dad would eat it.

You thought I meant dog, didn't you?   Nope. I mean my dad.

Share ANYTHING funny in the comments section over there and you get to be entered to win a $150 gift card - sponsored by the folks at BlogHer and Laughing Cow.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Reclaiming the women's locker room (repost)

Know how Jack Sh*t has "Same Old Sh*t Saturdays?" Well, last week, I decided to steal borrow this move from his playbook with a different twist. For the next few Saturdays, I've decided to post a little something about me or my life. Think of it as a way to get to know me better...about stuff other than weight loss and healthy eating.

Today's post is from my other blog - one that I started first. There isn't really anything over there about weight loss or healthy eating, it's pretty much just me being silly, funny, and gross. So basically it's like me, only as a 15 year old boy.

I work with mostly men.

I am the only woman who is active in our office and therefore I'm the only woman who uses the women's locker room. Due to our disproportionate ratio of men to locker room space, they have been plotting to take over our locker room. About a year ago, they came to each woman in our office and asked if they could use it - under the condition that if we wanted to use it, we would get first dibs. Despite a couple of scuffles to get to the locker room first, they've held pretty true to their word. I've used said locker room several times - but it's only been to change clothes for a run at lunch or to get ready to go to the gym after work.

But as I've stated before, yesterday was Colorado's Bike to Work Day, and that meant that I would need to keep a change of clothes and toiletries in the actual lockers. That's when I realized that our guys had taken over every locker.

So I decided to take one of the lockers back (and yes, I asked before I removed their stuff).

Since the locker that I got was a top one, I couldn't really pee on it to mark it as my space. So I did the next best thing.

In case you can't tell, we've got Vanilla Ice at the top (complete with shaved eyebrows! Word to your mother!)

The cool Cory/Cory combo (Haim and Feldman) AND Davy Jones (after all, he is so very dreamy)

...and last, but certainly not least, we've got "The Hoff" - circa 1980's where manscaping was a very distant thought.
Yup. I think this locker is mine.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Friendly reminder

Just a reminder to enter July's Laughing Cow contest where someone will win $150.

Click here to read the blog post and comment - with ANYTHING funny.  Or you can re-tweet or re-post.  Honestly, it's so easy, I'm shocked more people haven't entered.

The contest ends Sunday, and as of right now, there are only 46 comments, so your chance at winning is pretty darn good!

Willingness made simple

Confession time:  I am not doing so well in this whole weight loss thing.

My clothes still FIT, they just don't fit the same way...and it's a constant reminder that I am failing at this.  "This" should be easy.  My plan is just listen to your body, eat when you're hungry, stop before you're full.  I eat plenty of "good" foods - fruits, veggies, protein, and complex carbs.  I don't eat many processed foods...so why am I ballooning like there is no tomorrow?

Oh yeah...it's because I'm eating when I'm not hungry and continuing to eat when I'm full.

It's the small things, right?

So today, I visited Crys' blog - and saw this quote at the top of the screen:

What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it is another matter. -Peter Drucker

Did it smack anyone else upside the head as it did me?

The whole mindful eating plan is simple - SO simple.  And yet, I'm just not doing it.  Why?  Well, I could say that I'm feeding other things, that I'm scared of shedding this fat suit sometimes, or that I'm being stubborn. I could say that since I lost my dog 6 weeks ago, I don't feel like I can regain my footing.  Those would all be true.

But the harsh truth is that I'm not doing it.  My actions indicate that I'm not willing to DO the work that comes with my plan.  Namely, I'm not pausing and following the guidelines that I've chosen to follow.

So I'm committing to you - readers that have been with me for a while and those that are new - I *WILL* follow the guidelines this week. 

This?  This post marks a changing moment in my life.  Seeing my WIDTH reasons yesterday helped me realize again just why I am doing this.  Being unhealthy only hurts me.  And it DOES hurt - my joints, my pride, my self esteem, and my body.  Sitting around feeling sad that I don't have my dog anymore won't bring her back.  I'm being self-indulgent and eating anything that might make me feel better.

I've got to be willing to change.
I've got to be willing to stand up for myself and say I don't want to hurt anymore...so I have to be willing to actually LISTEN to myself.
I AM worth something...and so are you.
I'm not going to give up - so please don't give up either.  We are in this together and I know that we can succeed together.
I've accomplished a lot in my life, I've persevered through many tough things. Listening to my body's cues to eat, stop eating, to move, and to stop moving should be easy.

So it's about time I get off my duff and do it.  Are you with me?

Thursday, August 12, 2010


You know how when you want to be a mom and you FINALLY get pregnant and then you spend lots of time growing the baby and then the baby is finally born?

Me neither.  I've never been pregnant.

I'm just SAYING...today is like that...because I sent my pictures for Jack Sh*t's WIDTH blog thingie a full week ago.  Sheesh.  I mean it's really JUST like waiting for a baby.  Except, you know, it's not a living thing.  And it's only been a week, and some of the waiting was my fault.  Also it didn't hurt at all.  And as far as I know my insurance didn't get charged.  But other than that, JUST LIKE THAT.

Anyway, I'm on Jack Sh*t's blog today- with my reasons of WHY I do this healthy living/weight loss thing.

So if you ever want to see what I really look like when I'm trying to be silly* - that's probably a good place to start. 

*Except for the last picture.  I was trying to do my "I seriously mean this" face...now I know why Joe cracks up every time he sees it. 




I'm going to be interviewing in the next week or two for a job that seems like it would be awesome to have.  Travel would be required and at this time, I don't know exactly where it would be to...but sites that he mentioned were: Australia, Peru, Nevada, Canada, and........Peoria, Illinois.  I'm probably most excited about the first and last one.  First, because I've always wanted to go to Australia.  The last one because that is where my best friend lives...and how cool would it be to visit her once a quarter?  It'd be fantastic.

The new job would also require an upgrade from my current wardrobe.  Probably a good thing that I just went on that shopping spree a few weeks ago (click HERE to read my review and enter to win a $500 shopping spree of your own!).  I'm excited to wear cute skirts, shoes, and slacks and that I don't have to live in fear of getting dirty on a daily basis. 

PLUS, I'd get to take the lightrail to and from work - which would make my life easier.  I'd save on gas, wear and tear on my car, and wouldn't have to be panicked while driving in the snow.  I could sit on the train, read a book, eat breakfast, or just collect my thoughts for a more harmonious day. 

So say a prayer and cross your fingers that the interview goes well and that I get the job.  I think I have a good shot at it, but WOW would it be awesome to be able to change my circumstances in a major way.


I wish I had good news about this, but the weight is changing - and not in the right direction.  I'm working out more though - and this weekend I'll get to go for a good long run outside.  I've used the Wii Biggest Loser game a few times this week already and I swear Bob Harper wants to kill me.

So I'll keep trudging along and fighting the good fight.  I think I'm also going to brush my teeth after each meal - just to give me a way to PAUSE and evaluate whether more food is indeed what I want.


'Member a few months ago when I announced that I won a blog makeover from Sam at Believe in Yourself?

Well, after weeks of me being more indecisive than anyone should be, I believe we've come up with a design that is perfect for this blog.  I hope it will be easier to read, easier to distinguish text that are links to other things, and in general, the most awesome thing ever.

So, with any luck, you'll see that new look soon.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Getting Lucky

Sunday night, Joe and I sat down to watch a movie as we usually do.  The movie, this time, was the 6th in the Harry Potter series. We only got about half way done with the movie before I fell asleep (as I usually do), so we watched more of it last night...but didn't QUITE finish it yet (so please no spoilers).

At any rate, in this movie, Harry wins a potion called "Liquid Luck" that, when it's consumed, gives a lot of luck to the person who drank it.  Later, his best friend Ron is worried about his first game where he's basically the goalie on a team.  So Harry tells him to drink from a goblet before he goes out to the field - and everyone at the table knows that Harry put the Liquid Luck in the cup. 

Sure enough, Ron goes off and does an awesome job defending the goal - thus allowing his team to win the game.

It's only during the after party that Harry reveals to their common friend Hermione that he didn't put the Liquid Luck in Ron's drink.  Therefore all of Ron's saves and moves were his own - he just thought that he was lucky.

We've all heard the question, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"  And while I think that's a great question to me, it's such a BIG question that I have a problem fathoming the answer.  It seems too powerful and too obscure.

On the other hand, if you came to me and told me that if I only drank a thimbleful of some magical liquid every day that my weight loss efforts would work, I would buy that.  In fact, I'd buy it by the case.

We all want the easy way out, on some level.  The hard part is sticking to any plan for the long haul - am I right?  I think for me, the hardest part is actually believing I COULD do it, that I could be successful.   I've been beaten down by DECADES of yo-yo dieting - showing me that I can't do it, no matter which diet I try.  At least not for long. 

So if I had some magical thing that made me believe that I could do it, I bet I'd be more successful with it.

But what if, just like the Liquid Luck fake-out, I actually have the belief inside me.  What if someone said to me that whatever I decided to do at the beginning of the day is what I would do?  

I'd pick these things to do each day:
Making time to prepare healthy meals.
Taking time to enjoy the meals.
Making time to work out.
Making time to make out. :)
Assessing my hunger levels before, during, and after each meal.
Honoring my body's hunger signals by eating when I am hungry and not eating when I'm not.
Getting enough sleep.

If I could do each of those things on a daily basis, I'd be happy.  Scratch that, I'd be thrilled. 

I think sometimes this whole DIET thing seems so huge.  It seems like something that we HAVE to tackle - it's like a giant beast.  When in reality, we could probably just boil it down to a few goals each day.  That makes me believe that it's doable.

AND that?  That feels like magic.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Wii bit of a review

For my birthday this past year, Joe gifted me a Wii.  At first, I thought this gift was really for him that doubled as obligatory present for me.  But I have to say that other than ON my birthday (where he beat me soundly at each game we played), he hasn't touched the thing. 

I knew that I wanted to do something more active with it - I wanted some fitness games that would be fun to do on the Wii but still provide a good workout.  That's when I bought Dance Dance Revolution (and no...you still can't watch me dancing to such hits as "Never Gonna' Give You Up" and "Ice Ice Baby").  While it IS fun, the songs aren't long enough for me to really break a sweat before moving on to a different impossible dance combination for my clearly uncoordinated self.  Each "song" is just an excerpt and seems to last just a minute or so.

So I did what anybody else would do - I Googled the crap out of Wii Fitness Games including tags like "Top Rated" and "Best Workout Games for Wii".  And then I read eleventy hundred reviews and blog posts of these games which meant that I was thoroughly confused.  The thing is, comments like "Best Workout Ever!" are helpful...but only if you know what fitness level the reviewer is already at. 

So, I emailed Krissie at Questions for Dessert - I knew that she had just run a half marathon AND that she had a Wii Fit.  She was awesome and answered back immediately...and basically said that the Wii Fit is more fun, but the Biggest Loser Wii game is better a workout.

I took that knowledge and did NOTHING with it for months, as I am wont to do.  You may call it procrastination, I call it "letting thoughts marinate."  Truthfully, it's because I didn't want to waste a lot of money on a game that wouldn't be a good workout.  I learned my lesson with the DDR game.

Recently, I decided to invest in the Wii Fit Plus program.  I wanted the balance board, the games, and the goal setting.  I also secretly hoped that inside the box would be a fairy that would make me want to lose weight and do the exercise. 

Sadly, no fairy was in the box.  Looks like it'll just have to be me in charge of my weight loss and fitness program.  Bummer.

Katy asked a question in yesterday's post about if the Wii Fit was worth it - which made me remember that every review is subjective to the person doing it AND dependant on the person's beginning fitness level.  I figured that there must be some of you in the same boat, so I'm willing to let it all hang out...just to benefit you.
Here is my current fitness level:
I'm a 33 year old female.  I can run 3 miles easily without stopping to walk.  If I take one quick break (walking about 1-2 minutes in the middle), I can run 4-5 miles.  My longest run was 6 miles.  When I was running regularly, my pace was under 10 minutes a mile.  Now it's up to around 11 minutes (yes, if you don't use it, you lose it).  On any given day, I weigh between 225 and 230 pounds (UGH) and wear a large top and a size 16 bottoms. I'm between 5'9" and 5'10" (doctor's offices have measured differently).  I used to do the 30 day Shred DVD every day.  Climbing stairs or hopping up and down (hello jumping jacks!) hurts my knees, but running doesn't (I know.  I'm weird.).  Other than my weight, I'm pretty healthy (seriously, did I JUST write that?  I know...it's preposterous).

There you go - that's how healthy I am now.

Having said all of that, here is my review (not compensated in any way - just trying to share information):

Wii Fit Plus:
The Wii Fit games ARE fun - even if I am apparently as uncoordinated as a bowl full of jelly.  They have several different types of games but aerobic and balance games are the only ones I've tried.  I've heard that balance is good to work on - and judging from my scores on these games, I have a LOT to work on.  I usually score the lowest in this area...and only burn about one calorie per activity.  Better than sitting on the couch, I'm sure...but I might burn more calories when I'm eating chips and sitting on the couch (due to the hand movement from the bag to my mouth).

The aerobic parts have been fun too - I've tried the step class, the boxing, and the running.  Here I'm better, but you can't speed up the pace or music - so it's not a great workout.  I've done the freestyle running program and have definitely broken a sweat.  The jogging program is fine, but because you have to use the Wii balance board (for other games within the Wii Fit game) without socks or shoes, I found myself running barefoot on our wood floors, which is not how I choose to run.  Even if it's all in my head, I feel better about running in place with the support of my shoes.

Incidentally, I think it's cool that when you play the Wii Fit, it brings the other little characters you've already created to help you.  Joe and I created "Klaus" on my birthday who looks like an older male transvestite - with a full white beard, pink beanie cap, and wonderful make up.  He even has a beauty mole on his face.  He's a total train wreck and seeing him as my coach in soccer or in my step class cracks me up.

Biggest Loser Wii Game:
Yesterday I tried the Biggest Loser Wii game - and this was a whole different ball o' wax.  Granted, I've only tried it once, but in the 30 minute circuit work out I did (on the medium intensity setting), I had sweat dripping off my face.  I picked Bob Harper as my trainer (swoon!) and the circuits were long enough that I wasn't jumping all around and changing positions like crazy, but short enough that I really gave each my all because I knew I didn't have to do a ton of reps. My workout last night had one circuit (of many different activities that equaled 10 minutes) that I repeated three times.

Things I am not a fan of:  when you're on the ground doing hip raises, planks, and push ups, he switches moves on the screen - and since you're not looking, it can be hard to realize that he's switched.  I just went with the flow because so far it wasn't a big deal to me...only slightly annoying.

What I really didn't like is that apparently it must be hard for the Wii to figure out my movements - I would do them perfectly (or so I thought) and wouldn't be scored appropriately.  The game has little icons that flash on the screen when you're doing them right - and you're supposed to try to get five in each activity.  There would be some (like ladder climbers) that I would do perfectly and get NO icons (and therefore no calorie credit).  Because I'm a person driven by awards, I found this a bit discouraging.  I thought about screaming how it wasn't fair, but Bob doesn't like excuses so I saved my breath. 

At the end of my 30 minute work out, the game said I had burned 82 calories.  Umm...NO WAY is that correct.  I wouldn't say that this game is FUN per se, but it did what I wanted it to do - gave me a good workout and knowing that I have signed on for a 12 week program makes me want to keep coming back.  I don't understand how I can get kicked off yet (which I hear is a possibility) so if you're interested I'll write more later after I've had more experiences with it. Hit me up in the comments if you want me to expound more about it later.

So there you have it - my review of my games on the Wii.  Basically, exactly what Krissie said. 

Things I'm thinking about adding to make my workouts even better: weights, a stair riser, and some sort of padding.  Thanks to Jessica for letting me know that some of these are possibilities.

There are a few styles of weights that you can either add to your Wii remote (and they look like barbells!) or velcro on your wrists.  When I worked out regularly, I used 5-10 pound weights in each hand...the Wii remote ones are only 2 pounds each.  So I might start out with those and then graduate to the weights you just strap on your wrists/ankles.

The stair riser would raise the Wii balance board to a full 4" off the ground - which would be about the same height as most risers at a step class in a gym.  To me, that would make the stair stepper on the Wii Fit much more challenging.

The padding would be used for when I'm running in place or when I'm having to be on my knees to do planks or push ups.  I don't have great knees to begin with and having them on hardwood floors doesn't feel great.

Do you have any questions or comments about these or other games?  I'd love to know your opinion.   Tina mentioned Wii Active (I think by EA Sports?)...has anyone tried that?  And Tina - if you're still reading, what do you love about it?

Monday, August 9, 2010


It's so very hot outside that running - even in the morning isn't a viable option.  My worklife means that running at night isn't much of an option either.

We DO have one treadmill in our building, but that's usually taken.

So, what's a fat girl to do?

Today at lunch, I bought "The Biggest Loser" Wii game.

Joe is working late tonight so I get to try it...and muddle my weigh (ha!) through it.

I tried the Wii Fit last week before I played hostess to my friends all weekend long.  The games didn't really allow me to break a sweat...although I think that has more to do with the short time duration of each "game."  To all the Wii Fit experts, does the time eventually lengthen?  And where can you get a riser for the Wii Fit board to make the step class more challenging?

I SWEAR I wanted to punch something when I stepped on the "scale" and the little Wii thing said, "That's obese!"  The next category down is "overweight."

Strange, but I can't remember ever wanting to hear something tell me I was overweight before as much as I am now.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Note to co-workers: Manage your diabetes or we will hurt you (repost)

Know how Jack Sh*t has "Same Old Sh*t Saturdays?"  Well, I've decided to steal borrow this move from his playbook with a different twist.  For the next few Saturdays, I've decided to post a little something about me or my life.  Think of it as a way to get to know me better...about stuff other than weight loss and healthy eating.  Feel free to skip it if you wish, I just thought it might be fun.

Today's post is from my other blog - one that I started first.  There isn't really anything over there about weight loss or healthy eating, it's pretty much just me being silly, funny, and gross.  So basically it's like me, only as a 15 year old boy.

A co-worker went into diabetic shock on Monday. The good news is that she is fine...but the bad news is that not many of us knew what to do to help.

So, in an effort to ease people's anxiety, we had a safety meeting yesterday where we went over warning signs of low blood sugar and high blood sugar. You might be interested to know that people with low blood sugar are usually cranky. So, let me just answer the question that I've been asked all day long. NO. I don't have low blood sugar right now.

Anyway, in an attempt to educate us, our Operations Manager asked us in a meeting, "What do you do if the diabetic goes into an unresponsive state?"

And another co-worker said, "Give them CPR."

So the Ops Manager said, "No. No, that would be very bad."

At a couple of blank looks, he went on to explain the difference between your heart not beating (and thus needing CPR) and someone passing out (where the person does NOT need CPR, and you should proabably call 911).

I'm just saying, if you're a diabetic and need a job, you probably don't want to work here. We're likely going to make matters worse.

Friday, August 6, 2010

What do you call a giggling bovine?

A lauging cow.  Oh...you thought this was going to be a joke?  Sorry 'bout that.

Which reminds me, if you haven't already done so, enter to win the $150 Visa Card giveaway sponsored by Laughing Cow on my review blog.  As of now, only 37 entries have happened AND you can enter in on every one else's Laughing Cow pages (all links can be found here) for more chances to win.

Let's talk about POOP, Baby!

This is a circle of trust, right?  A circle where we can all be real and be our authentic, true selves?

Okay then.

I read on someone's blog recently this quote: Food is just food, and then it's poop.

Apparently, Allan coined that phrase... but it's totally and completely true.  When I read it, I laughed and then thought about how it's silly that something that we initially care so much about turns into something that we don't want anything to do with or even admit to.

Short aside: In David Sedaris's book, "Dress Your Family in Coudoroy and Denim" he talks about how his sister used to grunt while on the phone with him...and he always just assumed that she was opening up a jar of pickles or something...until she told him otherwise.  He was scarred for life.  Gross?  Yes.  Funny?  Also yes.  While I don't grunt on or off the phone, we thought this was funny and have decided that Joe is the only one who poops in our house; I open up jars of pickles. :)

My younger sister has never been over a size 10 in her life.  Sure, she has an awesome metabolism, but she also has a chronic case of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). So in her case, the above saying should be changed to be "Food is food but then Ohmygoodnessit'spooprightnow!"  She, in general, has poor eating habits, but her disease keeps her trim, thin, and lonely in bathrooms.

I, on the other hand feel like my body says "Food is food and then it's in your system for eleventy days and then it THINKS about being poop, but it probably never WILL be poop." 

So, what to do about it?


When I followed Weight Watchers, I learned that fiber was great.  The more fiber you eat in something, the fewer points it had, which meant that you got to eat more.  I liked that.  I didn't care about much beyond that.

But then I realized something awesome.  When I eat more fiber, things move.  And when things move, I feel amazing.  You know how good you feel after a sneeze or an orgasm?  I'm just saying...there are lots of kinds of release that feels awesome.  Fiber may not make you open jars more often but it makes opening the jar much easier.  Kind of like when you tap the edge of the top on the counter before opening it.

Here are a few of my favorite ways to get fiber in my system:

1) Fruits and veggies.  (duh)

2) Wheat Thins "Fiber Selects" - these have 5g of fiber in each serving and taste better (more salty, less sweet) than the Reduced Fat Wheat Thins.  For 13 crackers, you get 120 calories, 4.5g of fat, and 5g of fiber.  Plus, they're tasty.

3) Chocolate cupcakes. I haven't done this in a long time, but you can also take a package of chocolate cake mix (devil's food seems to work the best) and mix it with a can of pumpkin (not the seasoned kind...just regular canned pumpkin).  I know...you're going to think that you should add other ingredients...but don't.  Just combine the dry mix with the canned pumpkin.  They'll be thicker than what you're used to, but don't worry.  Divvy them up in the muffin tins and cook them per the directions on the box.  When done, you can store them in the fridge and they taste marvelous cold.  When I did this, there was only one point per muffin (again, due to the fiber).  You can't taste the pumpkin at all and the cake is really moist.  All of the boyfriends I've had have loved these.

4) Fiber One Muffin Mix.  I actually take this a step further and mix one box of muffin mix with that can of pumpkin trick from above.  These come out slightly orange (as to be expected), but still don't taste like pumpkin.  I think the grams of fiber is about 18 billion, but you might want to check the side of the box. 

5) All Bran Fiber Drink Mix.  I'll be honest.  I haven't seen these in stores in a long time. But when you mix it with a bottle of water, it tastes awesome - a pink lemonde treat.  10 grams of fiber in each packet with only 20 calories and 0g of sugar.  I'm looking for a suitable replacement, so if you have any ideas, I'm all ears.

6) Oatmeal.  There's something about a filling meal of oatmeal...it helps me feel satisfied on a lot of levels.  Joe eats the high fiber kind by Quaker Oats (little instant packages) and likes it just as much as the other instant flavors.

Now it's your turn...help a sister (or brother) out. 

What do you do on a regular (get it?  REGULAR?  I kill me) basis to keep things moving and feeling great? 

[Updated: I originally asked who wrote the poop phrase and Allan took credit...which sounded about right.  So I updated this post to give credit where credit is due.]

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Keep Scootching...

This morning I had my annual "Keep scootching to the end of the table even though you feel like you're going to fall off any second now" appointment. As per usual, she didn't even buy me a drink first.

My OBGYN has lost 58 pounds since the last time I had seen her and she looks FABULOUS. When I commented on that, she said that I was a motivating factor in her life. She said that when I came in last year, she was so impressed by my weight loss that she had decided to lose hers too. She is now five pounds from her goal weight - I couldn't be more proud of her.

I, on the other hand, am another story.

We looked up my weight in the charts...and from 2008 to 2009, I had lost 59 pounds. From 2009 to 2010, I had gained 12. To be fair, last year, I was wearing a flowy skirt and top - because I wanted to be my absolute lightest. This year, I weighed in jeans, a heavy top, and shoes. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I am still up in weight from last year, but I'm not going to cry over it.

The truth is, I'm probably up about 5-7 pounds from last year. And while that's not horrible, it's also a slippery slope. 5-7 pounds year after year means a lot more weight to bear. And that is unacceptable to me.

In fact, it was a motivating factor to me to see her and to realize that by my appointment next year, I really do want to be at a healthy weight. I want to be another 40 pounds down.

They say that in order for goals to be truly effective, they need to be measurable, attainable, and contain a deadline.

So now, other than a semi-used paper gown, that's about all I have. Motivation to be healthier and a deadline by which to do it.

I'm on it.