It's funny what dedication can do...

I lost 7.2 pounds this week! :)

I'm super happy right now.  Not because it's a big loss (although, let's be honest, that feels awesome).  Not because it's a lower number (although if my goal is to weigh less, this is a great start).  Not even because I got a five pound sticker.

But because I said I was going to do something and I did it.  Even when it was hard.  Even while having three dates - one of which was to watch the Broncos at our stadium for the playoff win (hello, beer and fatty foods much?).

What I love most is how I feel.  I have more energy and I just feel better inside my own skin.  I'm not as lethargic and I'm sleeping better.

So how'd I do it? 

Well, first, I tracked every single thing I ate.  Even when I overate.  I counted up the points whether I was within my target or not.  I think having to write down every bite helped me be more accountable and mindful of what was going in my mouth.  It made me pause and ask if I was really hungry or if I was feeling something else.

Some days I ate past my points target.  But invariably, the next day I under ate.  Not that it was intentional...it's just the way my body was.  One day I was super hungry and the next I wasn't.

So what'd I learn? 

That I can trust my body.  I still need to eat when hungry.  And I need to stop eating when I'm no longer hungry.  I need to be aware of where my calories are coming from - are they coming from higher protein foods so that I'll be satisfied longer?  Or are they coming from "empty" calories that probably won't last?

I learned that every day, without fail so far, I'm hungry at 10:15 AM.  So I have a snack prepared.  Sometimes it's a hard boiled egg.  Sometimes it's a piece of fruit.  But whatever it is, I have it ready to eat at 10:15.  Trying to white-knuckle it to lunch time leaves me feeling deprived.  Eating a snack mid-morning helps me feel more satisfied at lunch time.

My goal for this next week is to just keep tracking.  Typically tracking isn't my strong point, but I think that it's very helpful to be aware of what is going in my body.  It helps me ask questions like "Is this going to fuel me until I eat again?" "Am I hungry or do I want something else?" "What else have I eaten today that is healthy?"

Those questions (I think) are good no matter what program you're following or implementing.

It's week two of the new year, people.  How are YOU doing?

Slow and Steady Slims My Face

Yikes!  What is this - three posts in a week?  It's like I'm back! :)  I hope that's the case - I sure have missed you.

So, last night was my Weight Watchers meeting; I'm down another 0.6 pounds. 

Hmmmm...

Since joining Weight Watchers in May, I've lost 8 pounds.  8 pounds in three months.

Oy.

When you average that out, it's like I've lost 0.6 pounds per week.  That's a far cry from what I did last time.  Last time I was on the WW plan, I lost an average of 1.5 pounds a week.  I rocked the hell out of that plan.  Every month, I got a new 5 pound star.

Until I didn't.


This time, I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm no longer hungry.

Take today - I still have 12 points that I'm supposed to eat today.  But I wasn't hungry enough to eat them all.  I had salmon sashimi, a salad, a few servings of fruit, a cheeseburger (kid's size from McDonalds), cheese, crackers, yogurt, and my breakfast mug sandwich.  I only used 29 points today - which is below what someone who is at their goal weight (for my height) should be eating.

Yesterday I went over points because I was especially hungry last night.

Oh hello, law of averages.  How I've missed you.

Truthfully, I don't track often.  I am trying to listen to my body more; trying to trust myself more when it comes to food.  Sometimes that means I eat more; sometimes I eat less.  It usually depends on the quality of food (nutrition) that I eat.

Go figure.

So basically, I'm okay with taking this slowly.   I'm enjoying the process of trying new foods, new recipes, new cooking, and new snacks.  I'm enjoying the inquiry into how my body feels when I fuel it with different items.

Last Monday I had a big meal (still within plan) at PF Changs but it was SO tasty!  And I was really craving it.

I love that I don't have to deprive myself to lose weight.  I love that I can still enjoy things that are decadent.  I'm talking to you, Peanut Butter Frozen Yogurt (currently available at Pinkberry).

Mostly, I'm constantly surprised at me being constantly surprised at how much I really like veggies.


Every time I even start to think that I *should* be losing weight faster, I remember all the diets I've been on - crash or otherwise.  I remember all the sizes I've been in my adult life.  And I try to remember that I am learning things about myself, each week, such that I can be the healthiest me possible.

That endeavor will undoubtedly lead to smaller fun pants.  But in the meantime, I sure am going to enjoy the ride. 

If that means it takes longer, so be it.  I'm in this for the long haul, baby.

Another pound down

Tuesday sucked.

But it also was the Virtual Biggest Loser (VBL) Weigh In Day. Since lots was going on Tuesday morning, I just reported my weight from Monday (shhh...don't tell Katy!) and I'm down a pound.

It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but losing three weeks in a row WITHOUT going to Weight Watchers (but while practicing mindful eating), is a pretty big deal to me.

Some people in the VBL competition have lost a lot of weight each week. One week someone lost 10 pounds and the next week someone lost 11 pounds. IN ONE WEEK. And no, they didn't cut off a limb. I asked.

So my paltry 2.6 pounds so far doesn't sound very exciting by comparison.

But for me, it's consistency that I'm working for this time around. I'm sticking to my guidelines to having a healthy relationship with food MOST days (Friday I didn't exactly do wonderfully).

I'm proud that I'm successful. I'm proud that the scale is showing a smaller number, that my pants and shirts are baggier, and that I feel more healthy. I'm proud that I'm running faster or farther (usually not both). I'm proud that I (at least for the most part) don't feel guilty about whatever I want to eat...as long as it fits the guidelines.

And, like I said last week, the truth is my body usually wants the healthy stuff anyway.

Katy wrote a post earlier this week that really got me thinking. It was about how she really wanted all of her readers to get excited about getting into the next range of 10's down. Like, if we're at 209, we should get excited about hitting 199. Or if we're 234, we should want to get to the 220's. And sure, I'm excited about losing weight and getting into the 210's...but after I thought about it, I was surprised to find that the number on the scale is not a motivating factor right now.

Having a healthy relationship to (and with) food is my motivation.

To be clear, I don't think there is anything wrong with tapping into something that motivates you. I think it's GREAT if numbers on the scale or on the tab of jeans motivate someone to action. I mean, we're all human - how is having a healthier body NOT exciting?

As each pound goes down, I am happy. I am proud.

The change, this time around, is that each loss from the week before is symbolic of a small thing that I learned that week. Sometimes it's that I learned that I really didn't have to have that second helping of food to be satisfied. Sometimes it's that going to bed early one night made a big difference. Sometimes it's that the movie was just as enjoyable without the Reece's Pieces. And sometimes the weight loss demonstrates that I listened to my body more - even if that meant getting the full fat scoop of ice cream.

The small losses each week are small because I'm eating wonderful, healthy foods. I've let go of counting points and calories. I've let go of worrying about portions. I just flat out don't feel guilty about what I'm eating. Because of this, I might be eating more decadent foods than I would've - or maybe more than I would've - which means that I'm not having double digit losses. To be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with counting points, calories, carbs, or anything else. I read some of your blogs and see the 1200 calorie deficits and a part of me gets a bit jealous that I'm not doing that. And then I remember that FOR ME, doing that makes me feel crazy. It hypes me up so that I concentrate on numbers more than my feelings... so that is not a good path for me for now. Just like my path may not be right for you right now.

No, I don't have big losses (at least on the scale) these days.

But I'm making some big changes internally. Those changes add up to be a whole new size, a whole new number, and a whole new wardrobe eventually. I still am happy that I am still at notch three on my belt - it's not like I'm a robot devoid of happiness at a smaller size. :)

The thing is, I may get there slower than everyone else in the VBL competition, but I will get there. And along the way, I'll have gained something even better.

Me.


P.S. I finally decided to update my weight ticker at the top to show my weight on Tuesday mornings...instead of when I last weighed in at Weight Watchers. It's a big step for me.

P.P.S. Ginger asked what type of dog Chassis was...how did I not include that? She was a Great Dane. Actually, she was a HUGE Great Dane...she was 42 inches from her shoulders to the floor. YIKES! :)

The Guidelines

I'm sorry I was absent yesterday. I totally have a note from my mom excusing me though.

Yesterday was week 2's weigh in for the VBL (Virtual Biggest Loser Competition) that I'm "competing" in.

I'm proud to report that even after eating a delightful gnocchi dinner (complete with a very salty garlic bread and cream sauce) on Monday night, I was still down 1.2 pounds yesterday morning from the week before. Obviously, when you eat a sodium packed meal such as I did, you're likely to retain water...so if I were a betting person, I'd say that I'm probably down a bit more than the 1.2 that the scale showed.

Whatever, I'm totally taking it.

I wrote about it this weekend (because I kind of broke my own guideline of letting go of the scale), but I feel great that I'm down weight while still enjoying the foods that I love. Amanda mentioned this in her comment, but I think that my wanting to check my weight is because I'm still checking to make sure that my eating plan "works."

So what is this plan? Well, I've talked about it before in some general terms, but here we go - here are the guidelines that I follow as much as I can (taken from Geneen Roth, author of "Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating" and "Women, Food, and God"):

• Eat when you are hungry.
• Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.
• Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.
• Eat what your body wants.
• Eat until you are satisfied.
• Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.
• Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

The one I struggle with the most is eating without distractions...it still feels so unnatural. But I'm working on it.

Anyway, the 1.2 pound loss is really just some great feedback that what I'm doing not only feels good to me emotionally, but that I'm also getting the benefits of my body being at a healthier weight.

Sure, I've had stuff like ice cream, chocolate, M&Ms, full fat cheeses, potatoes, and chips. But I've also had a lot of veggies, whole grains, fruits, and lean proteins.

It's (GASP!) a balanced eating plan.

It's also helping me realize that the emotions that I have (those that I would usually turn to food to comfort) still need to be dealt with. I'm working on that too.

I'm happy. I feel healthy. I feel in tune with my body. And I'm finding that I don't hate my body any more.

Life, right now, is pretty frickin' great. I'm just saying.