Keep going

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." ~Buddhist Saying

When I first started my weight loss journey, I often thought about food as "good" or "bad."  It's kind of silly, actually - since food is usually measured in calories.  What makes a calorie "good" or "bad?"  Well, nothing really.  A calorie is just a science term.

And just how many calories of one thing makes something good or bad anyway?  My answer used to be:  when I start to feel guilty about it.

These days, I've realized that I've shed that mentality.  I've had a constant supply of chocolate in our house since I moved in - almost a year ago.  Guess how many times I've binged on them? ZERO.

So clearly, I've learned that food isn't inherantly good or bad.

And yet, I'm struggling with letting go of labeling myself on my journey as either doing good or bad.

Gained weight?  BAD.  Lost weight but not as much as I'd liked?  BAD.  Clothes getting baggier? GOOD.  Worked out today? GOOD.

I'm not talking about healthy pride in doing something that makes your body feel great.  I'm talking about making the label of good or bad to be a core of your identity - if only for the day.

The thing is, I need to realize that my path to success has many glitches in it.  There may be many times where I ask myself if I'll ever get to my ideal weight.  Those times, I get discouraged and downtrodden thinking that I'll never be as successful as the people that do extreme dieting.

But then I come across something that reminds me that as long as I'm on the right path, and I put one foot in front of the other, I WILL get there.

It's not a race.

As long as I have the intestinal fortitude to keep on going, it's all good.

True Perseverance

(source)

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another."  ~Walter Elliott

I came across the above quote and it hit me right across the face with it's simplicity.

I mean, wouldn't that be nice if someone could give a miraculous answer of how to solve this whole "weight problem" thing once and for all; one where you never slip up?  It'd be pretty awesome.  I suppose that's why I've bought more exercise equipment via infomercials than I care to admit.

The thing is, getting to a goal weight isn't one long trend of stick-to-it-ness. It's probably not done by one person waking up one day and deciding to have 100% healthy meals and 100% awesome work-outs every day.  It's not about being perfect for ever and ever.

For me, it's about small goals, small things that I do now or can learn to do well with practice. Then I add another trend or practice on...until ultimately, I'm a much healthier version of me. Those habits form a long chain of resolve - one that results in me being a changed person.

I've been having these a-ha moments recently where I'm realizing that I'm turning down sweets more often - just because I know I don't like the way my body feels on refined sugar. I've started to realize that with more sleep, I function better. And I've been recognizing how when I eat something that's "diet-like" it's because that's what my body needs to fuel itself - and not because I know that eating it will result in a smaller waistline.

This week, I'm going to focus my game on one (admitedly) small thing that over time will create a big win: for one whole week, I'm going to promise to drink a lot more water. When I drink more water, I feel better; I'm fuller, my skin looks better, and I feel wonderful.

Time for you to share: what are you working on this week; what's your current short race?

Breaking the trend

"Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet tomorrow is too often a repetition of today."

     -- James T. McKay

Yesterday I was catching up on some TV shows that I've DVR'd while doing laundry and cleaning up the house.  An episode of "Criminal Minds" came on and the quote at the beginning of it hit me hard (thus, why I quoted it above).

I realized that that pretty much sums up how helpless I've felt in the middle of a cycle of eating poorly and ditching exercise.

I tell myself it'll be different tomorrow.  I'll eat better.  I'll exercise.  I'll take the stairs.  I'll pass up the extra calories.  And yet, when faced with those very choices, I've found myself not making the better one.

Truthfully?  This weekend has been tough.  As in REALLY tough.  As in, I'm doing things I haven't done in years tough.  While I don't want to get into the details, suffice it to say, I'm struggling.

I struggled all weekend - with my food choices and my exercise choices.  And those three pounds that I reported losing? Oh, I'm pretty sure that they AND some friends found their way back to my ample butt.

So what now?  What do I do now? 

Well, I could let this same trending behavior tie into each day this next week. 

OR I could change it.  Starting now.

Last night I made some amazing tuna fish salad.  Truthfully, it's more carrots, celery, and onions than tuna fish, eggs, and light mayo.  It's crisp, tasty, and healthy.  It's what I'll be enjoying for lunch this week.

I also made some great chicken noodle soup using whole wheat noodles (okay, I'm not really a fan, but they're edible), LOTS of veggies, some chicken stock, and some white chicken breasts.  That will be a lot of our dinners this week.

Most exciting, I've already exercised this morning.

Having a plan for today makes it so much easier to break the trend of overeating and emotional eating.

Having a plan makes me feel more in control.

And it helps me leave yesterday where it belongs...in the past.

Good advice from Bob Harper

Alright, I admit it.  I watch "The Biggest Loser" on Tuesday nights.  Each season, I swear I'm not going to, but then I get sucked in.

Last night, after a particularly hard work out, Bob Harper (if you don't watch the show, he's one of the trainers) said to the contestants:

"It's not a bad thing to ask for what you want."

I'm not going to lie to you, I hit the rewind button on the DVR to hear it again and then I paused the show to let it sink in.

I struggle with this so often.

I can lobby for someone else.  I can look at a tough situation and find a solution that benefits most.  I can analyze a given problem and come up with an idea that fixes the problem.  Even on a personal level, I can ask for things I need.

But actually ASK for something that I just WANT?

Eesh.

I have a hard time asking someone to help me.  Whether it be with the groceries, cleaning up the house, for a drink of water, quality time, sex or intimacy from a partner, or something else in my relationship with someone.  Putting myself first feels uncomfortable.

When I think about WHY that's an issue for me, I think it's because I was told so often as a kid that I was this bossy thing.  Incorrigible.  Stubborn.  Willful.  As a kid, I didn't mind asking for what I needed or wanted.

And somewhere along the way, I was told/instructed that good girls don't ask for stuff they don't need.  Good girls look out for the needs of others.  I learned that there was pride and honor in silently suffering.  And the message that I received was that I wasn't good enough to ask for what I wanted; in fact, it was rude to do so.  If it happened that I got what I wanted, be thankful.  If it didn't, too bad, so sad, that's just life.  The phrase, "you get what you get and don't throw a fit" comes into mind.  And while I think that's a good thing, somehow I internalized that to apply to EVERYTHING in my life.  Simon and Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock" was my theme song.  Not so healthy.

These days, I'm starting to realize that when I ask for help (or even if I'm just willing to accept help when it's offered) that it's not a sign of weakness.  It's not a sign of neediness or desperation to ask for a hug, for time, for a listening ear, or for another chance. 

And what I'm finding is that when I ask out of an actual want, I feel soothed much more than I would've with food anyway.

I've heard before that when hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the answer.  And I agree.  But what I'm realizing is that when I'm healthy emotionally (with boundaries, in healthy relationships, etc), and I feel heard and understood, I don't think about food as much anyway.

Asking for what I want started with little things.  If someone offered me a blue cup or a red cup, I used to just say "Oh - whichever you don't want."  I started to state my preference.  If someone offered me a chance to go in front of them, I let them - if that's what I wanted.

It's a way to be gentle with myself - a way to tend to myself and be heard by my own true wise self.  

I feel balanced when I pause in a situation and really think about what *I* want and then ask for it in a respectful way.

I still struggle with this; with the idea that my asking for a want is valid...but I recognize that it gets easier every time.

Because each time, I feel love from the person that gives me what I asked for and I feel love from myself because I honored ME.  And feeling loved feels good, soothing, and luxurious.  Way better than a warm brownie or a salty chip has ever made me feel.

Because I'm still a newbie at this, how are ways that you honor your wants?

The trip of a lifetime

I came across this quote recently, and it struck me as really profound:

Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.
~Arnold H. Glasgow

Perhaps I find it profound because I think that I found the man I want to marry. Or maybe it's because my biological clock is ticking louder as each moment passes.

Whatever the case, I think that the idea that what I've done to my body all of these years can and will have a profound affect on my life for years to come is haunting.

I know people who are trying to get pregnant now that can't due to their weight. It's heartbreaking to see her month after month get her hopes up only to have them dashed by Aunt Flow.

I know people who have had kids and yet can't play with them because they can't get up and move. And it makes me sad - both for the kids who desperately want to play but are told to just sit inside and watch more TV AND for the parents who can't possibly be happy knowing that their size is impacting their kids' abilities to play and experience the world.

I don't want to be like that...not it I can help it.

I don't want to overstuff myself on my honeymoon such that even the thought of sex makes me want to urp. I don't want to tell my kids that it's too hot or cold outside to go, run, play, or ride a bike.

I want to go hiking or skiing or kayaking with my husband on our honeymoon. I want to return from a day or afternoon of activity, take a shower, and then make love with all of the passion and energy we can muster.

I want to be the first to teach my kids how much fun climbing trees and wriggling in the grass can feel. I want to teach them how to build snowmen and make snow angels. I want to give piggy back rides, help them build forts in the living room, and play hopscotch.

I'm 33 now, not married, and not pregnant (not that I'm currently trying). I don't know what age I will be when I actually HAVE kids, but whatever it is, I know that I will be one of the older moms at PTA meetings and graduations. I don't want my child(ren) to have to pay for my being older AND fatter.

Glasgow was right. If we only get one trip, I want mine to be long, filled with lots of awesome scenery and experiences. And I want my trip to be as healthy as possible so that I'm able to enrich the lives of others - my future husband, my future kids, and (God willing) their families too.
If this is my trip, I want it to be worth the cost.

I mean, I wouldn't plan a trip and deliberately ask for the middle row on an airplane or a seat right next to the bathroom, right? Of course not! So why would I sabotage my own trip in my body by filling it with foods and things that make it harder to be as healthy as I can be?

Suddenly my own stubbornness to not learn new ways to cope with stresses, heartbreaks, and fears seems selfish and unbelievably sad.

So I'm vowing now to make the most of this trip - however long it is. To me, that means moving my body to the best of it's ability and fueling it with the things it really wants and needs.

This is my trip and it's going to be great.

Who's coming with me?