But it also was the Virtual Biggest Loser (VBL) Weigh In Day. Since lots was going on Tuesday morning, I just reported my weight from Monday (shhh...don't tell Katy!) and I'm down a pound.
It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but losing three weeks in a row WITHOUT going to Weight Watchers (but while practicing mindful eating), is a pretty big deal to me.
Some people in the VBL competition have lost a lot of weight each week. One week someone lost 10 pounds and the next week someone lost 11 pounds. IN ONE WEEK. And no, they didn't cut off a limb. I asked.
So my paltry 2.6 pounds so far doesn't sound very exciting by comparison.
But for me, it's consistency that I'm working for this time around. I'm sticking to my guidelines to having a healthy relationship with food MOST days (Friday I didn't exactly do wonderfully).
I'm proud that I'm successful. I'm proud that the scale is showing a smaller number, that my pants and shirts are baggier, and that I feel more healthy. I'm proud that I'm running faster or farther (usually not both). I'm proud that I (at least for the most part) don't feel guilty about whatever I want to eat...as long as it fits the guidelines.
And, like I said last week, the truth is my body usually wants the healthy stuff anyway.
Katy wrote a post earlier this week that really got me thinking. It was about how she really wanted all of her readers to get excited about getting into the next range of 10's down. Like, if we're at 209, we should get excited about hitting 199. Or if we're 234, we should want to get to the 220's. And sure, I'm excited about losing weight and getting into the 210's...but after I thought about it, I was surprised to find that the number on the scale is not a motivating factor right now.
Having a healthy relationship to (and with) food is my motivation.
To be clear, I don't think there is anything wrong with tapping into something that motivates you. I think it's GREAT if numbers on the scale or on the tab of jeans motivate someone to action. I mean, we're all human - how is having a healthier body NOT exciting?
As each pound goes down, I am happy. I am proud.
The change, this time around, is that each loss from the week before is symbolic of a small thing that I learned that week. Sometimes it's that I learned that I really didn't have to have that second helping of food to be satisfied. Sometimes it's that going to bed early one night made a big difference. Sometimes it's that the movie was just as enjoyable without the Reece's Pieces. And sometimes the weight loss demonstrates that I listened to my body more - even if that meant getting the full fat scoop of ice cream.
The small losses each week are small because I'm eating wonderful, healthy foods. I've let go of counting points and calories. I've let go of worrying about portions. I just flat out don't feel guilty about what I'm eating. Because of this, I might be eating more decadent foods than I would've - or maybe more than I would've - which means that I'm not having double digit losses. To be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with counting points, calories, carbs, or anything else. I read some of your blogs and see the 1200 calorie deficits and a part of me gets a bit jealous that I'm not doing that. And then I remember that FOR ME, doing that makes me feel crazy. It hypes me up so that I concentrate on numbers more than my feelings... so that is not a good path for me for now. Just like my path may not be right for you right now.
No, I don't have big losses (at least on the scale) these days.
But I'm making some big changes internally. Those changes add up to be a whole new size, a whole new number, and a whole new wardrobe eventually. I still am happy that I am still at notch three on my belt - it's not like I'm a robot devoid of happiness at a smaller size. :)
The thing is, I may get there slower than everyone else in the VBL competition, but I will get there. And along the way, I'll have gained something even better.
P.S. I finally decided to update my weight ticker at the top to show my weight on Tuesday mornings...instead of when I last weighed in at Weight Watchers. It's a big step for me.
P.P.S. Ginger asked what type of dog Chassis was...how did I not include that? She was a Great Dane. Actually, she was a HUGE Great Dane...she was 42 inches from her shoulders to the floor. YIKES! :)
Thursday, June 24, 2010