Thank you for all of your kind comments from this weekend's post. I was able to get it back on track Saturday and Sunday. Both Joe and I have been exhausted lately so it really helped that I got quite a bit of sleep. I ended up taking a LOT of Advil over the weekend because the headache would pop up just when I thought I had it licked. I also make sure to drink extra water, just in case. I'm usually pretty good about water intake as a first response to headaches, but I made EXTRA sure. :)
So, I'm hoping to get your advice on something else...something that you all probably have a lot more experience with than I do.
Joe has gained weight since Thanksgiving. He's now 165ish instead of the 150ish that he was when I met him. Can I tell the difference? Yes. He now has a belly where his 6 pack used to reside. But do I care? No. If he's healthy, I don't care about him being a bit heavier (but still in the normal BMI range).
But he cares. He cares a lot.
This weekend he talked about it several times (albeit in short conversations) where he was remarking on how sluggish he feels and how he doesn't like the way he looks. Of course, I gave him verbal and physical praise (please, that's like the one thing a fat girl KNOWS how to do), but I felt a bit helpless because I wasn't sure what I should do. Should I suggest things to him? Should I give him advice? Should I tell him that he looks great just as he is?
In the end, I said that I wanted to be supportive of his any goal he has to be healthier -mind, body, and spirit, but that I wasn't sure how supportive he wanted me to be AND I wasn't sure how he wanted me to show my support. He basically said, "Okay. I'll think about that" which left me not knowing.
We did have an interesting conversation where I asked him what he did to lose the weight before (about a year and a half ago, he lost the same 15 pounds). He said that he worked out a lot. I asked him if he changed anything about his diet and he said no, and that he didn't want to. (aside: Joe eats healthfully - he just eats more than what any one person could or should need.) He said that if he ate differently or less, he would feel miserable and would be grumpy.
So his game plan? Start working out often again. "Often" means every morning and an evening or two during the week.
Here's what I'm doing:
- When I cook, I'm cooking less. I notice that if I cook three servings of something, Joe will inevitably finish off the last bit because he doesn't want to "waste it." And yes, I've told him that it's a waste to have it go to our waists, but he disagrees. I've cooked extra so that we have something to take to work for lunch, but if he eats it it never makes it to the fridge. It seems to me like either way, I'm out a lunch for the next day, so I might as well just cook less in the first place.
- I'm working out with him. This morning, we got out of bed early and I ran a quick two miles while he worked out. I might not want to do this every morning, but I was happy to do it today.
- I'm setting our bedtime as an earlier time. Because we live Downtown, Joe prefers to walk with me when I take the dog out for the last time at night. I appreciate his concern for my safety, but it usually means that we go to bed around 10:30. So when the alarm goes off in the morning both of us would rather sleep in until 6. So the past few nights, we've taken the dog out earlier so we've been able to get to bed earlier.
- I'm not baking or buying extra sweets at the store. I would usually do this because I knew it pleased him, but I don't want him to feel like I'm sabotaging him, so I will stop.
- I'm being more vocal about me being hungry (and then eating) or me NOT being hungry and then not eating. I know that he knows my plan, but it is also my hope that he might think about this a bit more - it wouldn't impact what he eats, but rather how much of it that he does eat.
What else do you think I can do to support?
Has your partner ever gained weight? If so, what did you do? Were your attempts successful?Also, when we go out to restaurants, I order what I truly want. But sometimes, I only eat a third of what is on the plate. He sometimes eats the remainder of my food in addition to his food. What do I do in this situation?
Like I said, *I* don't care that he's a bit heavier. But because I love him, I want him to be healthy AND I want him to feel loved for who he is. I think my issues with food and weight have me discombobulated as to how to be supportive but not be personally invested in his mood regarding weight. I'm not co-dependent about anything else with him, so I don't want to start now.
All suggestions would be MUCH appreciated.
Also, some of you have been asking about mindful eating and how to do it. I saw this post from one of the blogs I read religiously...it's great - it goes into 12 habits for a more mindful eating practice. No matter what plan you're on, I think following these 12 steps will help you feel more in control and more balanced. Or at least that's what I always come away feeling. I also recommend the site that it comes from - that's where I've gotten some great yoga poses that help rejuvenate or calm me, depending on what I've needed at the time.