Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Progress by any other name would smell as sweet...

This morning I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained three pounds since yesterday morning.


Here's where you might be shaking your head saying "See! I knew it! She can't keep her act together! Mindless and intuitive eating DOESN'T work!" *

But you'd be wrong.

First, I don't weigh myself regularly. I just don't want to micromanage that part of my life. It's a crutch that I don't need these days.

So how'd I weigh myself two days in a row? Well, I weighed myself yesterday because I couldn't remember if Katy's contest started yesterday or today. I read her blog last night, realized it started today, and weighed myself again.

Sunday, Joe and I went to the Cheesecake Factory. I got one of their salads (dry) and ate about a fourth of it. I also got a piece of cheesecake to go. We ended up going to a BBQ where I had a few pieces of tortellini, two pieces of awesome cookie/chocolate chip/caramel/coconut bar of wonderfulness. I also had a few beers. But I just wasn't hungry enough to have a hot dog or hamburger. So I didn't. I listened to my body; I honored it.

So yeah, Monday morning, my weight was probably down lower than what it typically would've been.

Yesterday I had two eggs, two pieces of toast, and the rest of the salad and cheesecake throughout the day. The thing was, last night when we were watching our typical end-of-the-weekend movie, I ate one serving of the salad (which is admittedly large) and then realized I was still hungry. So I honored my body and ate more.

There are also certain (ahem) bathroom activities that has happened before the time of weighing yesterday that had not yet occurred today. Short aside: In our house, we call that "opening a jar of pickles" just in case you're wondering. We also call farting "letting rainbows escape" as that is what I am filled with...sunshine and rainbows. Too much information? Yeah. Probably so. Sorry 'bout that.

When I saw the 3 pound gain, I just saw it as feedback. I literally shrugged my shoulders and thought, "Yup. That's about right." I got off the scale, put it in the closet (which is where it is kept) and hopped into the shower. I thought of my plans for the rest of the day. I thought of the friends that I'll see this week. But I didn't think of the number that was on that scale. I had already forgotten about it.

In years past, I would've felt guilty for eating all that I did yesterday even before I stepped on the scale. I would've dreaded getting on the scale this morning because it would reflect the shame that I already felt. I would've remembered that the cheesecake was about ninety bazillion points and calories and would've taken the increased number on the scale as proof that I was weak. I would've silently hated myself, gotten off the scale, shoved it far back in the closet, gotten in the shower and as I'd clean my body, I'd be thinking of how F-A-T I was. I would've resolved to be extra strict today to lose the weight as quickly as possible. I would've thought of the number on that scale ALL DAY LONG.

I like my new way better. I feel good. My body got the nutrition it needed. My soul doesn't feel deprived either.

I love this way of living. I love not having to feel shame about food or a number on the scale.

In other news, although I'm not back to using the third notch on my belt comfortably, I'm REALLY close. I can notch it there and walk, talk, breathe, and eat. I just can't sit as comfortably as I like...but I'm close.

It's proof that my soul isn't the only thing that feels great. The weight and inches ARE coming off.

*As much as I don't want to admit it, I've received a few emails from people saying that my plan is not a good one, not a healthy one, and not a maintainable one. I'm so thankful that I can trust my own gut and realize that what is right for me now is this plan. I believe that it will be a struggle at times. But I believe that it CAN work. I believe that I can be free of restrictive thoughts. I believe that I can live freely.


Laura said...

When I first read Intuitive Eating and started talking about trying it, and what I was eating, etc., I got a lot of critical comments. I know the feeling. Just brush it off and keep trusting yourself!

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

It was a scale/non-scale victory!

When stuff like this happens, don't you feel a little more closer to being a "normal" eater?

The few moments I've had, like the one you described, have been so freeing and confidence-building.


Katy said...

I love that you're doing the intuitive eating thing. Gives me hope that maybe one day I can relate to food in a normal way.

TinaM said...

That's awesome that you didn't obsess over the number on the scale. I think you are doing great.

Don't worry about what others say about your plan. EVERY ONE IS DIFFERENT, and what works for some may not for others. If it stops working, try something else. If it is working, then great! If it ain't broke don't fix it!

karen said...

I think the main reason so many people are probably critical about intuitive eating is that they don't trust themselves to be able to do it successfully. I know I sure as heck don't but I'm SO jealous of those who can! Someday I'll get to that point, I hope ... in the meantime I'll just keep reading & living vicariously :)

Waisting Time said...

I think that we all need to find what works for us. And I have to say that while intuitive eating would not be good for me, I have read about it a lot lately and it works for many, many people. What hits me is that you like how you feel. That says it all.

georgia said...

You're feeling good and that's what counts!
The belt notches tell the story much better than the scale!

Misspudding said...

Anne, you're doing the right thing. :)

Lily Fluffbottom said...

Yeah, because god forbid we actually listen to our bodies and its needs. Our bodies don't know what it needs. Our minds do. And our minds tell us to not eat after certain times, to cut out starches or fat or sugar or sodium. Our minds tell us to deprive and restrict and beat down.

I'm totes with you on the mindful eating thing. Its what I'm doing, and I've lost a shit ton of weight really quick simply by changing my eating habits.

I know the weight isn't going to fall off like that all time, I don't want it to. But I do know that when I ate my bowl of frosted flakes and chocolate soy milk this morning, I felt instantly sick to my stomach, because I didn't have the kind of cereal my body was actually craving.

These are the lessons we are teaching our selves out of, and if we stop listening to our bodies, then what the hell are we doing here?

POD said...

I wanted to comment a big long rainbow!

Brandy said...

People who critize your success are usually the ones who couldn't succeed themselves or don't want you to change. I find that eating what I want is the only way to go. Sure I'll change how much and what but it will be on terms and at my speed. Keep going you are the only one who knows what your body and spirit needs!

julielopez3 said...

I totally agree with your eating plan.. I think whatever works for you is a good plan, and by the sounds of it your are eating like a thin person would by listening to their body.

Lesia said...

Wow Anne what can I say? Not knowing the info on your plan is what I find hard to comment on. I love the fact you are living your life. I love the fact you aren't allowing the scales or food to rule you. I know at the present time in my life I could not do it. Maybe if I get to the point of understanding my body and then to be able to listen to it I too may be where you are. Good luck with your plan and keep reaching for that 3rd notch girlfriend.smile.

Tami said...

Bravo for not letting the scale rule your life and upset your apple cart! That is huge!

Everyone has an opinion and in the blog world everyone likes to tell everyone else what that opinion is.

You have to do what feels right for you. Wishing you much more success as you move forward.

Amy Pousson said...

Ooooh, I hate it when people do things like tell you what you are doing is a bad idea when really, all you are doing is what's right for you. Just because it won't work for them, doesn't mean it can't work for you!! What awesome progress you are making. Way to go you little rainbow tooter. :)

P.S. my little word verification thing says "wowpuch" kinda made me giggle.