Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Failure


Several months ago, I wrote about how I had a life changing epiphany while listening to a podcast. For those that don't know, a podcast is like an out-loud version of a newspaper column. It can be live, although the ones that I listen to aren't.

I listen to many podcasts, but the first one I listened to was Dan Savage's Lovecast, which is a sex podcast. It can be a bit bizarre, but during one podcast, I found a wonderful correlation between my weight and the advice he was giving regarding a sexual question.

I encourage you to read my previous post here.

Dan Savage has many people call up and ask for advice. Since I've listened to just about every podcast that he's put on I've heard him give advice on the topic of break-ups more than once.

Someone will call up and cry about their current relationship and say that they don't want to end it... because what if they don't find someone else? Sometimes someone will call up having been recently dumped and they're sad because they feel like they will never find someone as good as the guy they just had. Even if he was a douche canoe. What if they live the rest of their life alone?

Or maybe someone single calls in discouraged because they just can't find someone they really want to date. They've had many relationships that have failed and they feel that they are somehow intrinsically flawed.

And here's where Dan says something that I've heard him say hundreds of times:

Every relationship fails, until one doesn't.


I know. It seems logical, right?

I mean, when you were a teenager and your heart was broken, didn't you just feel like the world was going to end? Don't you remember those days of despair? What did your mom tell you? The pain will ease. There will be another boy - one who is better, more handsome, and will pass you notes in homeroom.

But the other day, I was listening to it and I realized that that is EXACTLY the same truth for dieting, weight loss, healthy lifestyles, and exercise.

Every attempt we have fails until one doesn't.

Because how many of us "fail" and then wail that we'll NEVER be able to be successful? I know I did.

I've done Atkins, South Beach, The Zone Diet, Weight Watchers, modified fasting diets, the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet, and LA Weight Loss Diets just to name a few. I'm telling you, I have been there. Hell, we ALL have been there

Each time that I would gain the weight back, have a bad week or day, I would think, "This is IT! I can't do it. I'm just supposed to be fat the rest of my life." And with that, I'd stop whatever diet I was on and promptly give up.

Until this time.

In a few weeks, I will have been at this healthy journey for two years. I've started relationships and ended them. I've gained a few pounds along the way (and then lost them again). I've ended friendships and found new ones. I've had losses, layoffs, and letdowns. I've lost 55 pounds in almost two years, a far cry from the 111 I had set out to lose by this time. But I haven't given up.
Don't give up either.

You wouldn't tell a 16 year old that because she had a breakup, she was destined to live alone the rest of her life, would you? You wouldn't encourage her to stay up in her room and brood about how unfair life is.

So let's not do that to ourselves.

Maybe your plan needs tweaking. Maybe you're triggering an old pain with something that is going on now. Maybe you need more nurturing in other areas of you life. Maybe you do have a slow metabolism (hello, unfair life!) and you need to figure out ways to kick start it.

One thing is for certain: There is a better you that is out there. This person is thinner, more confident, more secure, and healthier. And that person cannot WAIT to live life.

YOU are worth loving. YOU are worth caring about. And YOU are worthy of having a healthy relationship with food.

How is having one "bad" day, one gain, or one setback any different than going on a bad first date?

We've got to brush ourselves off and try again. I believe Dan. I believe that every relationship fails until one doesn't. And I believe that if we are honest enough with ourselves, we can make our relationship with health work.

Failure isn't forever. It's just a mindset.

13 Comments:

Katy said...

A++++++

Marion said...

Just what I needed to hear this morning.....in relationships and losing weight! Thank you!
Murn

Sam said...

Thank you for this amazing post!! Seriously, it just really hit the mark!

Did you get my e-mails about your blog? Just want to be sure. :)

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

What a great posting! It really resonates with me. Thank for inspiring me today.

POD said...

Very inspirational!

Lesia said...

I could not have said it better! Great lesson to be learned.

Amy P said...

I couldn't agree more! What an interesting way to frame it.

Mrs. Happy Pants said...

Very good advice!
I think it's just what I needed today.
Getting frustrated, but not giving up!

Lanie Painie said...

You are a GENIUS!

PS - I love your small penis.

Mandy said...

LANIE! What am I going to do with her...although, without her, I would not have found the genius of you!

Lala said...

Darn intertrons, I tried to leave you a comment but the 'nets failed me. I'm going to try again! I just wanted to tell you how wonderful and inspiring you are! I really found a lot of comfort in this post. I have suffered a lot of feelings of failure over the past 2 years as I've gained weight, and this post is one of the best things I've heard to help ease that guilt. Yes, it's time to move on from feeling like a failure! Thank you, thank you!

Vb said...

This is my first time checking out your blog, I will be back. Really, really good stuff.