Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Egg on fire...

I mentioned yesterday that my younger sister flew in town with her fiance'.

Typically (but maybe not always) this means that they have the intention to actually MARRY each other.

Which means there will be a wedding.

I found out this weekend that she wants me to wear a pale yellow bridesmaid that I could wear again if I wanted to.  She assured me it would be very pretty.

Can I just stop here and say that in no way shape or form is ANYONE going to wear a bridesmaid's dress to any other function?  I've been a bridesmaid or a maid of honor 8 times now.  I've only worn ONE of the dresses again...and that was for a rugby competition where we needed to wear ugly bridesmaid dresses on the field before playing a game where they would get shredded.  Somehow I don't think that's what the bride meant.

Wait.  Joella, Rachel, and Kelly - if you're reading this...of course I'm not talking about YOUR bridesmaid dress.  I'm talking about someone else's.  Someone else's that doesn't read this blog.

My point is, if you're a bride, just figure that no one will wear whatever you've picked out again.  It could be a really pretty dress (and some have been!)...but it probably doesn't look like a formal.  Or a cocktail the chance that someone else would wear it again to any "real" event is silly.  They look like bridesmaid dresses...and no one really wears those again - even if you are in Kathrine Heigl's wedding at some point (27 Dresses anyone?  Bueller?).

Here's the thing though, I've always been happy to wear whatever the bride wanted...and if that was some random dress, then so be it.  I did it because I loved the person I was standing in for...and I did it happily.

So back to my pale yellow monstrosity.

Know what I don't want to look like standing next to her?  An Easter egg on fire.  And with my red hair that's probably what I would look like at my current weight.

So I'm determined to look as good as anyone CAN look in a yellow bridesmaid dress made of taffeta and satin.  UGH.

I've got 8 months, people.  Eight months to even out my farmer's tan, to slim down some more, and to tone up these bat wings where people have upper arms. 

It's a challenge, but I'm up for it.


Allan said...

You know the chick from "Knocked Up" ? How cool is that... Oh, my bad, I see,,, Enjoy the fashion statement. A banana is what you are aiming to look like, keep that in mind..

Fat Girl vs. World said...

You know... my journey began last year with a bridesmaids dress -- a purple one... and my fear that i'd look like the Fruit of the Loom grape.

Debbie said...

I laughed at your drawing of the egg with red hair. Cute, and you have a few months so you can get into this dress and look good. I have several brides maid dress that made me look like moby dick in full sail. Imagine a pink dress with a giant bow on the back of it. Yep.. Horrible huh.. But I wore it because I loved my friend and was glad to be in her wedding.. So wear the dress and be glad you only have to wear it once.. :)

Jams said...

You're not going to be an egg! You're going to be a hot bridesmaid.

Oh, and I'm going to be the best bride ever, for my casual wedding, because I'm going to tell the girls the color shade of the dress and tell them to find a sundress that they love! No matchy matchy for us! :) Don't you want to be my sister?!?!

Big Clyde said...

A taffeta bridesmaid's dress the color of butter! Yeah, good luck on that one.

You have months to slim down (which is no problem for you) and to get her to change the color!

Karen said...

You are so right - they are never worn again! I don't even have any of the ones I have worn. My least favorite was pink. I am one of the redheads that does not do pink. Ugh.

Lesia said...

Good luck with your journey. Better get "cracking"...LOL

Misspudding said...


Yes, I feel your pain. Never have I worn a bridesmaid dress again. As pretty as they are, they're just that. Bridesmaid dresses.

I'm sure you'll be fine. And don't feel so bad about the batwings or the weight or the farmers tan. I had all three when I got married (I was a pregnant field geologist at the time...and it was 95 degrees at an outdoor wedding...).

Crys said...

Hahahaah! I swear I'm making my bridesmaids go poofy, lace, shrimp colored for all of the crap I've had to wear (and buy) over the years! Hilarious!

Blossom said...

I agree, I've never worn one of my seven bridesmaid's dresses again. Some of them were really nice, but seriously, you don't usually have an occasion to wear one (maybe a wedding, but of course I was always a bridesmaid! And you can tell if it's a bridesmaid's dress...which looks tacky wearing to someone else's wedding!).

Janell said...

Yellow? Call David Tutera this instant.

I had a friend ask me to be her maid of honor and I said, "no."
Not very nice but better than wearing yellow.

Mrs. Happy Pants said...

I feel you. Batwings and all.
We will triumph damn it!

freaking awesome body said...

I have been in 2 weddings besides my own, and luckily I have had 2 opportunities to wear the dresses again - sorority formals! But, I was lucky and the colors were maroon and light blue, much nicer for us caucasians. But, the good news is that you have 8 months! And lots can be done in that time. Just adopt your two new favorite passtimes...the gym and the tanning bed!


Marion said...

I have been a brides maid in 9 weddings and never have worn the dress again either! Most are A line sleeveless dresses so I have basically the same dress in 6 different colors. Brides are not fat and dont understand that I generally dont go sleeveless and putting a size 2 other brides maid next to oh so fat me in a size zillion only makes it more obvious that I am fatty mcfat! You are going to look beautiful and not egg like at all!

TinaM said...

I love your egg picture! To cute lol.

I think you'll look great in whatever she throws at you, but that is an awesome motivator to loose more if you want!
I know you can do it!!!
and I can not WAIT to see pictures of you in the dress :)