Jumping...





(source)

  

Today is my last day with the company that I've worked for for almost 4 years. 

I've had the above statement on this page for a few hours now and I still don't know how to finish this post.  I guess I have conflicting feelings about the end of anything.  And I have anxieties about new beginnings.

I realize that when I left my other jobs/companies, there was an overwhelming sense of dread about the job when I woke up each morning.  I had to get motivated to go to work and give a crap.

But this job?  It has a lot of perks - one of which that I'm able to blog from my desk while at work.  My boss is a moron, but he's a controllable moron.  And I've been the number one person in our business (in the nation) for three years now - bringing in almost $10 Million dollars annually.  Yes, that's right...Happy Fun Pants is pretty good at what she does.

I think I stayed too long with companies and positions that I grew out.  I waited until the job was almost unbearable before bailing.  And I don't feel that sense of desperation with this job.  In fact, I wasn't even really looking when the HR person approached me about this new position she had.

And this new company?  Well, it'll be more challenging.  They'll have different rules and cliques.  

I still think it's a good move - and I'm excited about the new opportunities.  So why am I not really wanting to go?

I think it's because when I joined this company 4 years ago, I was at my highest weight.  I was miserable.  I was in an unloving relationship with a guy that mentally and emotionally taxed me.  I had a mortgage and expenses that I couldn't pay.  I hated myself - really.  I wondered what happened to this vivacious and confident person that I pretended to be.

I switched from that to where I am now - all within the last four years.  I broke up with the boyfriend.  I sold my house in the 'burbs.  I bought a new row home in an urban neighborhood.  I gained a sense of trust in myself.  I started to love myself.    I lost 55 pounds.  I started running.  I met Joe.  I struggled through our relationship.  I had surgery.  I recovered.  I started to grow and stretch myself into being the best version of me possible.

The whole time, I've been supported and loved by the people here.  The whole time I succeeded greatly while here.  This company helped build my confidence in myself -professionally and personally.

It's hard to let this company go...because it's like saying goodbye to a security blanket.

I know that this jump will be a good move.  I know I'll be okay.  It'll probably be fun and exciting.

It's time to jump.  I've got a luncheon to go to in about 20 minutes and then I can leave.

So, here goes nothin'....

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