Status update

Alright folks, I've been a bit sketchy on the details of my life as of late. I'm sure much of that has to do with me being sick with a fever AGAIN since last Wednesday night. I finally went to the doctor on Monday and was prescribed antibiotics to get over this (hopefully) once and for all.

I've had stress over the new job and stress about my younger sister's wedding. As in she didn't want to go through with it so I dropped everything to try to be a good friend and sister to help her through it. All that to have her ultimately decide to marry I'm anyway. Awesome.

And honestly? Things with my boyfriend and I (we live together for those that are new here) have been rocky. We had a HUGE fight right before I started the new job and while I can logically say that I understand why he said what he did, I'm just not back to trusting him fully again. No raised voices - just words that hurt more than I thought they could. Our therapist is getting paid well thankyouverymuch.

My grandmother is literally on her death bed and I get text updates from my dad about how she's battling breathing on the respirator and how her right lung is almost completed filled with fluid, despite the drugs they have her on. She's got dementia so when they can rouse her enough to get her to open her eyes, they can't get her to understand that they need her to cough so the pneumonia doesn't spread further. According to my dad, she won't recover and will likely die this weekend. I thought I was prepared for this, but I cried a few times today - which kind of surprised me actually.

It ain't pretty, but it is my life as I know it currently.

All of this and you would think that my eating would be completely out of whack. Well, for the first time in decades (okay, I'm only 33), I can say that you'd be wrong. Somehow feeling like I've lost control in every way in my life (yes I know I never had control in the first place) maybe has made it easier to assess one small thing at a time, like how I'm eating, what I'm eating, or what I'm drinking. I'm proud to say that I'm down 6 pounds from when all this hoopla started.

The delicious coffee-ish sugary drinks that are free at work are now a thing of the past. I get lots of fiber in my diet due to whole grains, veggies, and fruit. I eat portioned meals each day and don't have dessert each night unless I'm really wanting it.

And you know what? I feel great - much better than how I remember feeling when I wasn't eating as well. Next up? The exercise piece. The upper respiratory infection put running on hold for a while, but not for much longer.

So no, I'm not posting like crazy, but I am still here, still on this journey with you... Even if it feels like I'm more distant.

Is here where I say "it's not you, it's me"?