Resolutions

This past weekend, I went on a really great and special date with a guy.  I won't write much about him yet, since it was only our second date and I'm not quite sure where things are going, but it was a great time.

Early on in the evening, he asked me if I had any resolutions for the new year.  Practical question, no?  And honestly, I kind of was taken aback...because truthfully, I hadn't even thought about it.

I did say that one of the things I wanted to do more of was volunteer my time with/through organizations that I'm passionate about.  And that's true.  That's something that I really do want to do.

He nodded and then said, "Really?  Nothing else?"

Sure, I knew that I could pepper him with lots of things I wanted to do better...but again, the second date may not really be the place to start unloading your personal baggage.

So I said that 2011 was a year of a lot of change for me.  And that I'd really like to build upon those changes, those positive things that I've done, so that I can end 2012 happier and healthier than I started it.

I'm always reluctant to make New Year's Resolutions...I think, in part, because it feels like I'm making a promise.  I mean, I get it, that's the point.  And yet when it comes down to it, I don't like breaking promises. because then I feel guilty.  And who wants to feel guilty about letting themselves down for not making ENOUGH progress?

Not me.

So maybe that's a good resolution for me: To feel guilty less often.

I asked him what his resolutions were and he actually said, "to lose five pounds."  He said it twice during the evening, but to be honest, I'm not sure where he's going to get the five pounds from.  He looks healthy.  I'm not sure what his motivations are for saying it...if it's something that he really believes or something that he thinks everyone typically says.

Whatever the case, I don't want to lose five pounds this year.  I really do want to lose more.

When he asked me out for NYE, I said yes - I mean, I really couldn't think of anyone I was more interested in.  And then he told me what we'd be doing...going to a fancy steak restaurant and then a trendy party where no casual clothes are allowed.

I'm not going to lie to you, I had a few heart palpitations...I mean, what in the hell was I going to wear?  And since I wasn't told what the plans were until Friday morning, I didn't have a lot of places I could go to find a suitable outfit.

Because the fact of the matter is, I don't fit in the clothes that I have for such occasions, not any more.

And that, my dear friends, is a sh!tty feeling.  As if you don't know.

Eventually I scrounged up something that was suitable from my existing wardrobe, but beforehand, I spent HOURS looking for a cute dress that would leave me feeling sexy and ravishing. 

That dress?  Apparently does not exist in Denver.

I really do hate picking myself apart in the mirrors of dressing rooms.  But that can happen at any size.  So maybe that's a good resolution for me: When looking at myself in a mirror, give myself mental compliments before I become critical of my flaws. 

Tonight I go to my Weight Watchers meeting for the first time this year.  I have no clue if I've gained or lost weight.  I haven't tracked or really paid attention to anything.  So I'm thinking that I'll probably have gained.

BUT today I registered for two races.  One is a 7K, The Runnin' O' The Green held in March.  And the other is the Cherry Creek Sneak, a 5 miler held in April.

I miss running; I miss how good it makes me feel.  That's a good resolution for me: Do more things that make me feel good.

And yet, those three resolutions aren't really getting to the heart of my weight problem.

So I'm going to be bold and say that I want to be dedicated to Weight Watchers and myself again.

I want to clean up my eating.  I want to experiment with more foods.  I want to eat less and move more. 

I want to be thinner.

I want to do this the right way, but that involves holding myself accountable. 

So for me, I've decided to put my weight tracker up, front and center, on my page.  And I'm putting two more up - the countdown to my first 5 pound star of the year and my 10% goal.  I'll put all counters up after I weigh in tonight, so the data is accurate from the get go.

I'm also putting up some reminders in my house and car.  Staying focused on my goals always helps me.

The last piece of the accountability is blogging about it.  Updating my weight loss here, weekly, is going to help me.  It may just be a post script at the bottom of the page, but I'm going to do it. I know that disclosing the numbers will help me celebrate the small losses that I'll have.  It'll build my momentum and my confidence.

If 2011 was a year of changes interally, 2012 can be my year of external changes.  Doing more - to help myself and others is something I have a lot of passion for.  And I can't wait to show it.