Sick of it...

I'm sick.

And I've also been on three really crappy dates. I would say four, but technically getting kissed made it a non-crappy date. And I've just been stressed at work.

All of those things added up means that I am not taking care of myself - subconsciously I've been turning to food.

This week's number at the scale is going to be big...a lot bigger than what I'd like.

I actually ended up losing 3.2 pounds this past week...and I know I went over points every day last week. I was already expecting a gain for this week - but my complete abandon for WW and it's points targets WILL make a huge difference on the scale.

And I feel crappy. Crappy because I'm sick, crappy because I'm discouraged about dating, crappy because I'm eating crappy foods, crappy because I haven't worked out (working out before the dates means I'd have to shower as well, working out afterwards isn't really an option...beer/food sloshing around without having time to digest might be ugly at work).

But basically, this week has taught me that I, yet again, need to concentrate on how I got this way. That taking care of me and listening to my body's needs is important.

I'll do better. I guess I just need to learn it or re-learn it on a weekly basis...and that in itself is a frustrating thing.

Going down...

This past month, I have been up, down, up, down, down, up, and then down again.

Last week I ended up gaining 2.2 pounds and this past week I lost 1.6. The end result is that I'm 4 pounds down in the past month, which is good. But I guess I'd rather do little losses than this pendulum swing.

I do feel like I will do fine this week - even though I'm going out of town and likely won't have much control over planning meals, etc. I'm not sure what the plan is for basically anything other than that my friends will pick me up from the airport and hopefully get me back to the airport. Other than that, I don't know what is going to happen. BUT I am going to be with two great girls who I know love me and want me to succeed. So I know that they will be as adaptable as they can be so I feel like I can be on program this week.

And that's basically all I want...for the trend to continue downward. To live my life and be healthier even in travel.

Running on all cylinders

Today I had a great day at the gym. :)

My philosophy when working out is this: Do it as long as you enjoy it.

I figure that there are so many other things that I HAVE to do in life. Working out is one of those things that I get to do in life. I get to release my stress. I get to focus on me. I get to pick the music. I get to celebrate life by being able to move. I get to show thanks for my own health by using my body in a good way. I get to show love to myself by taking care of myself. Hell, I even get to forget the combination to my lock.

So when I'm working out, I use it as a getaway - as a thing that I do, just for me. I never wear make-up at the gym...or at least not fresh make-up (if I'm working out at the end of the day I still have whatever I slapped on my face at 5:30 AM). I don't even compare myself to others. I'm not self-conscious. I'm celebrating me. And I don't really care who is watching.

I get up on the elliptical, press play on my iPod, and just run. Sure, I try to hit 100 calories burned for every 7.5 minutes. I try to keep my steps per minute up and I make it to at least 20 minutes. But if I'm feeling horrible, I stop. Because some days it feels like too much work. Some days I'm exhausted and I just don't have it in me to get past 20 minutes. On those days, I get off the machine and I go home. If I'm feeling great or like I am still stressed out, I keep going. Sometimes it's a song that keeps me going. Sometimes it's my anger towards how I've let other people treat me. And sometimes there are days like today.

Today I rocked it. I felt great. I passed the 20 minute mark easily. I sweated my little heart out because it felt great...or mostly great. I decresed my crossramp and resistance when I had a stitch in my side and then ramped it back up when it was gone.

I was on the elliptical for the full hour. THE FULL HOUR! It may not sound like a lot to you gym rats out there, but I can't remember a time when I burned 783 calories in 60 minutes.

I felt wonderful when I left. Full of life and proud of what I had just accomplished.

Tomorrow the scale will undoubtedly show a gain at my WW meeting because I chose to celebrate with friends via food pretty much all this past week. BUT I am getting healthier. Today was proof.

P.S. So here's some background about me. I used to be an engineer for GM. And I still don't know crap about cars. No really. First, it's not THAT big of a deal. The primary place I worked at GM was in their paint department - so my focus was on making sure that the machines that painted the cars were functioning - I wasn't actually in charge or even dealing with designing the vehicles. I'd like to say that I know everything about cars, but at the end of the day, the truth about my life is this: I'm still a chick that had a dad (and I didn't have an uncle or close family relatives living nearby) that didn't want to teach me jack crap about cars. Also, I was a nerd so I was busy taking classes about calculus and didn't get to know anything about cars.

So when I say I was running on all cylinders today, I am assuming that that is a good thing. OH MY GOSH I can't believe it took me that long to set up this blog title.

Alright, so if running on all cylinders is a good thing, then I am definitely using the right analogy. Or is it simile? UGH. Forget it.

Dreading tomorrow night

I don't even want to THINK about the number that will be on that scale.

All I can say is that I've really enjoyed myself this week. Too many drinks, too much fried food, too many trips to Old Chicago, and too many burgers...all make Anne a slightly bigger person than last week.

I've been on plan today, but eesh...tomorrow will be ugly. :(