Grrr...

Okay, folks...who knew that eating whatever you want whenever you want means that you're likely to gain weight?

Right. Every one of you is raising your hand right about now. And congratulations to you - you win...well...your dignity.

Well, I thought that I knew that too...but this past week, I fell way short. I ran - two times for about 7 miles total. And my pace was around 10'55" each time...which is pretty good.

But oh, did I eat!

I still didn't eat so poorly that I gained lots of weight - I wasn't *completely* out of control with binges. I just didn't choose healthier choices when I could've or should've. I didn't choose the healthier choice at almost every meal and, since I'm being honest, at almost every snacking occasion.

Take this past Saturday night...

During a particularly snowy and blizzardy night, the boyfriend and I went to my favorite restaurant in Denver. This restaurant has a bowl of gumbo that is so good I could probably eat it every night for dinner and be just fine. I had three slices of bread (with the best garlic-y butter ever), a bowl of gumbo soup, and then had some of the jambalaya that he ordered. It doesn't SEEM too bad, does it? Well, what you may not know is that one serving of chicken and sausage gumbo could be as much as 7 points. My bowl had probably 2-3 servings.

My point is that I normally would've just ordered a cup of soup with baked fish. I normally would've held myself to one piece of bread with only a little butter. But in my head, the warm bread and yummy soup was perfect for the chilly and cold night. So I indulged.

And THEN we went to the movies. Now I typically never order food for the movies because I'm not even AWARE that I'm eating the food. But I felt SOOO good, so loved, and so important that night. I threw caution to the wind and decided to get a package of Reece's Pieces.

And oh, how I love Reece's Pieces. They are most definitely a "red light" food - one that I have never been able to sanely control.

Sure enough, by the end of the movie, I had had half the bag. Half of the big movie bag is 3 (THREE!) servings of Reece's Pieces. What's more, I didn't even enjoy the treat because I was too busy watching the movie.

You'd think that I would've thrown away the bag...but no. I ate the rest of them the next morning when I was hungry and waiting for the boyfriend to get out of the shower so we could go to breakfast.

So it should be no surprise that I've gained this past week. The scale shows that I'm up about a half a pound. I know the weight will come off. I'm actually not worried about that. And like I said, I'm letting go of the numbers on the scale so I'm actually not upset about gaining a half pound.

What I am cognizant of is how I've been indulging myself at every turn this past week. Bagels in the kitchen aside, I've had more treats during the day (like when I went to Subway for lunch but had the full fat sour cream and onion potato chips), more junk food at night, and less fruits and veggies.

If I *had* to come up with a reason why, I'd say that after being off the Nuvaring, I feel so much better that I just want to celebrate everything. Life seems easier because I'm not struggling to keep my emotions so much in check. It turns out, I don't just eat when I'm sad or angry. Apparently I celebrate with food when I'm happy and loved.

So, this week's gain (whatever it is) will give me the feedback to help me re-learn that eating whatever I want whenever I want is actually NOT celebrating how good I feel. Eating that way is more than a little selfish and gluttonous. Eating that way is not honoring my body or my new found good feelings.

This week, I'm going to be good to me. And that means listening to my body and celebrating without food. This week, I'm going to live my life to the fullest. I'm still going to celebrate me feeling sane and good...especially since I have so many blessings rolling my way this week. And the biggest way that I can honor myself is to choose health over around the clock indulgence.

Everything in moderation, right?