Thursday, November 12, 2009

Being greedy

I've posted LOTS of things on this blog that I'm not proud of. Issues with food, issues with my family, and issues with exercise. I've written about big gains and big setbacks.

And yet, I'm finding myself *not* wanting to write this post.

There is something about free "brand name" food that I have a hard time turning down. I'm not sure if it's because my mom is thrifty and I learned that free stuff is nice or because it's something that someone is offering something to ME.

If someone brings in something that they baked at home, I have about a 75% success rate of turning it down. It's easy to look at it, realize that I have no idea how it was prepared (not just for the sake of calories, but what if they don't wash their hands??), and not eat it.

But if it's from a restaurant that I like? I have about a 5% chance of turning it down.

Case in point: Yesterday I had already had breakfast (one that was dissatisfying because I thought that I had stuff here at work that I didn't). I wanted something else sweet and I topped off my breakfast with a Fiber One bar. Then I had decaffeinated tea. To be clear, I was full and satisfied.

And then someone came up to me to tell me that there were free bagels in the kitchen.


As I've written before, I have a strong emotional tie to bagels from Panera or Einstein Bros.

I walked my able body into the kitchen and saw my favorite bagels (which are either blueberry, cinnamon raisin, or cinnamon crunch, or cranberry, get the picture) with my very favorite spreads (aka plain and not plain). And I calmly toasted one. I smeared it with the cream cheese and enjoyed the bagel even as I ate it faster than what I should have.

And then I was STUFFED.

I felt better after my run yesterday at lunch (yay - 2.79 miles in 30 minutes!) and was able to not touch the many more bagels that multiplied throughout the day. Seriously, TWO more vendors stopped by with we had probably 4-5 dozen bagels.

This morning, I had forgotten about the bagels. Until I walked into the kitchen prepared to make my egg muffin sandwich (toasted whole wheat english muffin, microwaved egg, low fat cheese, and some buttery spread)*. I wanted my sandwich. I was hungry. I know I need protein.

But I still wanted a bagel. The sweet, sugary, deliciously toasted bagel sounded SO good. But 13 points for a bagel and spread was something I didn't want to do.

So I literally sat there in the kitchen snacking on an apple for about 10 minutes trying to decide what I was going to do.

In the end, I opted for my egg sandwich. But I can't stop thinking about the bagels.

I have the same problem when we have Qdoba catered in for a lunch. Guacamole, queso dip, and chips stand no chance with surviving my inhaling...and that's after I've had two tacos.

So what is it? Is it that it's free? Is it that I don't choose those foods at home so I want to take full advantage of them when they're here? Is it that I share my workplace with people who walk quickly to the kitchen to load their pockets with bagels or treats when people aren't looking? Do I really need to feel like I'm getting "my share" that badly? Am I feeding off of their gluttonous behavior or are they feeding off mine?

The adage "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" doesn't help in these particular times when I'm battling my salivating glands. It's not even a matter of counting up the points - as what I have typically isn't so horrible that I can't balance it out the rest of the day/week. It's the desire to HAVE IT deep down inside.

Gluttony**...pure and simple.

Whatever it is, I need to GET OVER IT. Because the Christmas season coming up means that we will have more food catered in, more gifts from our vendors and customers, more delicious baked goods, and more candy in the office.

Do you all have these same feelings? Even if you don't, do you have any suggestions on what I can do to re-frame the situation?

* It tastes much better than it sounds, trust me. I thought microwaved eggs would be revolting...and although they're not my favorite I now know the exact number of seconds where I can make it decently.

**For a really interesting post on gluttony that I've been meaning to share for a while, visit Escape From Obesity's post on it.


Misspudding said...

You should be incredibly, incredibly proud of yourself for stopping at one! Sure, you were stuffed, but you allowed yourself to have one. I think that's okay. Really!

I think part of it is that you associate eating at those places with something nicer than normal. And they have strong decorating and marketing and their foods, while being better than processed crap from the store, still have extra stuff added to them to make them so very, very tasty.

Panera and Qdoba didn't become successful for nothing.

The only reason I'm able to turn down bread at all is because it makes me sick. And I'm thankful for that at times like this. But guac and chips? Oooooh...

Tina said... I am guessing you have never seen the kitchen of a restaurant? Chances are you'll gag. Many employees don't give a heck about the customers, they are just putting in their shift...and possibly gross stuff into your food. They are not all clean. Read the health inspector reports for your area, they are public. I'd take a homemade goodie from someone I know over restaurant ANYTIME! :o)

Mark and Joella said...

I eat something very similar for breakfast all the time - 1 point english muffin, microwaved egg beaters and a veggie sausage pattie. Very yummy, lots of protein and only 4 points :)

I have the same problem with free food, though I don't really care if it's from a restaurant or someone made it. Bagels were definitely my downfall at work, and people brought them in all the time. Luckily I don't have to deal with that now :)

I have problems going to other people's homes. We don't keep much junk food at our candy, only 'good for you' cereals, just baked chips, etc. But when I visit people and they have that stuff in their house, I have a really hard time dealing with it. My mother-in-law keeps a dish on their counter with candy in it. Whenever I'm there, I have this feeling that I need to eat all this crap because I don't have it around our house. So I guess the moral of the story is...don't go visit the in-laws :)

Sunkissed Cheeks said...

Einstein Bros bagels with chive crème cheese are my absolute biggest weakness next to pizza and sausage biscuits & gravy. I feel your pain! My office also gets many vendors bringing in goodies on a regular basis and yes the holiday season makes the naughty treats vastly available. When I started my journey I would ½ indulge “sometimes”, but now I take my lifestyle change more serious~ Well, on good days. Many of my co-workers recently have gained a few extra pounds which has helped me, surprisingly. When I see them eating those damn evil bagels, danishes and catered lunched I walk in proudly and get my healthy food. I sit at my desk away from the temptation thinking to myself “Look how awesome I am. They keep eating that crap and gain weight. But not me I am so much better than that”. This many sound very abusive and egocentric but it keeps me away from those damn point thieves! Great job on consuming in moderation!

POD said...

I have never had anything from Panera -- I think it's the kind of thing that I will never let myself eat because it's like death-in-a-store for me.

I swear my goal is to get thru just this holiday season without gaining a pound, just like last year and I'm not going to let Panera or anyera get to me. I have emotional ties to yeast.

Lori said...

You want the bagels because you tell yourself you can't have them. Allow yourself to eat the bagels, and I bet you will lose interest after a while. They'll eventually lose their luster.

I used to do work for a personal trainer who had this philosophy: your metabolism is like a fire. Keep the fire going steadily with good, healthy kindling, and then no matter what you throw on it, you'll be okay. Starve the fire, or smother it, and it will go out. Basically, as long as you are feeding yourself kindling most of the time you can eat a bagel or two and it won't matter. Just be mindful the majority of the time, control what you can, and then allow yourself to indulge once in a while. Once you allow yourself, I think you'll find that much of the need is gone.

You could also compromise and make your egg-lite sammy on half a bagel.