Making Room

First, I had my inspection earlier today and was THRILLED with the results!  The inspector that I've hired for all of the homes I've bought (and then eventually sold) in Denver is awesome - and one of the things that I always love about him is how thorough he is.  As in I have 32 pages of findings from today's inspection.

Like I wrote, he's done two previous inspections for me, but this was the first time that he said, "You've got a great house.  You were lucky to find it - this one is a keeper." 

And he's right.

Sure, there are things that need to be fixed - aren't there always?  But the things aren't horribly expensive and they're reasonable.  If the seller won't fix them, I kind of don't care.  This is my house...and it feels SO good to be in it.

It's more room than I need.  But I hope to fill it up with unique finds, pictures and prints from friends, and lots of memories of wonderful people.

I'm making room for all of the wonderful things that are to come in my life. 

It feels blissful!

During the last week when I've made it more public that things were going to change between Joe and me, I've been amazed at people's reactions.  Some people were wildly enthusiastic about the move and some people looked at me with sadness.  Some people assumed that we were automatically going to break up and some people who thought that we had the perfect relationship were left wondering what happened.

The truth is, I'm not sure what is going to happen.  All I know is that our relationship isn't as healthy as what I want it to be before committing to each other for life.  I know that our therapist believes that the hard work can't happen without Joe doing some seriously tough stuff first.  As someone who has seen the benefits of therapy, I know first hand that although therapy can be life-changing, it also takes some significant amount of time.  And you have to be motivated to make the change.

Joe is motivated to become a healthier person; but it will take some time to make the changes necessary to facilitate a healthy relationship - with negotiating, full disclosures, and healthy boundaries.  I can't force or fix those things.  Believe me, I've tried.

So will we keep dating?  Maybe.  Will we live together again?  Maybe.  Will we break up?  Maybe.  Will we part ways and never speak again?  Maybe.  Will this all get figured out and we'll live happily ever after?  Maybe.  Will we each meet someone else to spend the rest of our lives with?  Maybe.

At this point, I don't know what the end result will be.  What I do know is that moving out and getting my own space is the next necessary step for me being healthier.  I know that this next step is right.

And at this point, I want to make room for all the possibilities in between us living together right now and us never speaking again.

Now is when I want to live my life fully - amidst all the struggles and confusion. 

Life isn't going to get any easier - I might as well make room for uncertainty.

See, Geneen Roth?  I listened to you after all.