Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Making Room

First, I had my inspection earlier today and was THRILLED with the results!  The inspector that I've hired for all of the homes I've bought (and then eventually sold) in Denver is awesome - and one of the things that I always love about him is how thorough he is.  As in I have 32 pages of findings from today's inspection.

Like I wrote, he's done two previous inspections for me, but this was the first time that he said, "You've got a great house.  You were lucky to find it - this one is a keeper." 

And he's right.

Sure, there are things that need to be fixed - aren't there always?  But the things aren't horribly expensive and they're reasonable.  If the seller won't fix them, I kind of don't care.  This is my house...and it feels SO good to be in it.

It's more room than I need.  But I hope to fill it up with unique finds, pictures and prints from friends, and lots of memories of wonderful people.

I'm making room for all of the wonderful things that are to come in my life. 

It feels blissful!

During the last week when I've made it more public that things were going to change between Joe and me, I've been amazed at people's reactions.  Some people were wildly enthusiastic about the move and some people looked at me with sadness.  Some people assumed that we were automatically going to break up and some people who thought that we had the perfect relationship were left wondering what happened.

The truth is, I'm not sure what is going to happen.  All I know is that our relationship isn't as healthy as what I want it to be before committing to each other for life.  I know that our therapist believes that the hard work can't happen without Joe doing some seriously tough stuff first.  As someone who has seen the benefits of therapy, I know first hand that although therapy can be life-changing, it also takes some significant amount of time.  And you have to be motivated to make the change.

Joe is motivated to become a healthier person; but it will take some time to make the changes necessary to facilitate a healthy relationship - with negotiating, full disclosures, and healthy boundaries.  I can't force or fix those things.  Believe me, I've tried.

So will we keep dating?  Maybe.  Will we live together again?  Maybe.  Will we break up?  Maybe.  Will we part ways and never speak again?  Maybe.  Will this all get figured out and we'll live happily ever after?  Maybe.  Will we each meet someone else to spend the rest of our lives with?  Maybe.

At this point, I don't know what the end result will be.  What I do know is that moving out and getting my own space is the next necessary step for me being healthier.  I know that this next step is right.

And at this point, I want to make room for all the possibilities in between us living together right now and us never speaking again.

Now is when I want to live my life fully - amidst all the struggles and confusion. 

Life isn't going to get any easier - I might as well make room for uncertainty.

See, Geneen Roth?  I listened to you after all.


Missy said...

Yay! Good for you!!

I hope this move is good for you. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

It sounds so exciting and new!

Lily Fluffbottom said...

Glad to hear your inspection went so well!

Can't wait for you to move in and make the life you've always wanted.

Kellie said...

I have always firmly believed that things happen for a reason. I think that you will be doing great! You DESERVE to have someone in your life who WANTS the same things you do.



Mandy @ The Fat Girl's Guide to Life said...

Congratulations. Your bravery is a breath of fresh air. I'm truly inspired by your ability to say enough is enough and now it's time to try something new. Because, no matter how many people say that's what they want, few of them actually reach for something better. Because it is scary.

You're amazing.

kristi said...

So I can uncross my fingers now that the inspection is over? :) I am so glad it was positive! Way to go finding such a great home! (Is your inspector willing to travel to CA? I can't find a good one here!)

Anyway, as always, I am super happy for you and wish you the best in everything! You deserve it!!

Janell said...

I am back reading more. I am slightly stunned but looking at how healthy-minded your 'tude is. I love it. You are so independent and courageous.