Balancing act

This past week I had a lot of anxiety about my relationship with the guy that I've been dating.

I wish that I could say that it doesn't matter. But it does. I do like him. And even though I don't know where it is going or even if I want it to go somewhere, I know that I feel good when I'm around him. I haven't felt that in SO long. There has been quite a few shake-ups this past week and one huge misunderstanding that had me worried for most of the weekend.

So yesterday we met and talked about it. And I'm so happy we did. I found out that when I thought that he said "Uh-huh" he actually said "Nuh-uh" and when that's in response to "Are you still dating other people?" the answer matters quite a bit.

We ended up eating pizza and watching the Broncos get beaten by the Bears. It was a fabulous night filled with cuddles and yelling at the TV. And again, I haven't had that in a long time.

Anyway, I didn't exactly pass through this week with flying colors. In fact, I pretty much ate my way through this past week. Just when I thought my dog was getting better, she started peeing blood again. And the vets after multiple tests opted to try the test that they should've done correctly in the beginning. I've had to run home every 4 hours and due to that, I had to cancel the appointment with my therapist. My grandma is in the hospital. My work load at work exploded. I did not deal with the stress well. While I can't remember the last time I tracked points, but I do remember the pints of ice cream and burgers that I ate my way through.

When I stepped on the scale, the scale said 0.5 over what it did last week. My scale isn't the most accurate, but it's a good barometer to what is going to happen tonight at the meeting.

I am prepared for a weight gain. If not this week, then next week. Because truthfully, I know how I ate and that after this week, I *should* have a gain. True, I did run about 14 miles this week, but that wasn't enough to undo the damage of my eating.

What I'm not doing is beating myself up about this past week. I'm recognizing that it was a tough week and I'm moving on. When I've read that on other's blogs sometimes that sounded like a cop-out. After doing the work with my therapist, I'm starting to realize that what I thought was a cop-out is actually just an expression of love to yourself.

So here's to this week - full of challenges (dinners with management and a weekend trip with my best friend) and joys (a weekend trip to visit my best friend). Sure, I'll be having a Portillo's hot dog from Chicago and Steak n' Shake in Peoria (OMG, those are the BEST and we can't get them here in Denver!), but it won't be overkill. Everything in moderation, isn't that right?

I'm also going to bring my running shoes so I can run at least one morning while I'm there. I figure this healthy living thing works both ways. Because after MONTHS of not wanting to budge the scale, I'm getting to the place where I want it to move again.

I'm ready to lose again.