Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The same? Not hardly...

Last night I went to Weight Watchers with a horrible headache. I can count on one hand how many times I've weighed in and then not stayed for the meeting in the past 13 months...but I knew that last night would be one of those times.

I weighed in with a substitute leader as our normal leader wasn't there. And first, can I just say she was so very cute? She was petite, young, fresh faced, and had a really positive personality...pretty much someone I've wanted to be my entire life.*

I hopped on the scale and saw that the number was the same as last week. And she said, "Oh! You stayed the same!"

And right then, flashes of this past week danced in front of my eyes. In the past week, I was worried that I would have to put my dog down. I worked harder at work than what I have in months. I got some results from my doctor that were really bad news. I received results about my cholesterol that was really good news (to be shared later). I cancelled a much awaited trip to Seattle. I passed up bagels and because it would've been another way I would've eaten for pure comfort. I ran when I didn't think I wanted to. I took care of myself by doing almost nothing all weekend. I did some great work with my therapist. I had a HORRIBLE date with the guy that I've been dating. In fact, I'm doubting whether he and I will even see each other again - as he seems to be brushing me off. I had to re-set boundaries with a family member, which is unbelievably taxing.

I'm stronger emotionally and physically than what I was the week before.

This past week I grew.

Stayed the same? Not even a little bit.

* As I walked up, she said, "Oh my gosh! You're beautiful." I was so very touched because at that moment, I wasn't feeling beautiful. I was feeling downtrodden to say the least. I was in pain, wasn't smiling, and wasn't feeling my normal perky self. I'm always amazed at how it feels to be complimented by a complete stranger. Somehow their comments mean a lot. I mean, I don't know her. She doesn't know me. She has no reason to lie to me - she's not selling anything and I don't think she's running for anything. Sure. She could've said that to everyone at the meeting. But it also just might be that she believes it. Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before I actually believe it too.


Patty said...

Saw your hair comment on POD's blog, and wanted to see who was behind the wisdom. I wish I could leave a comment that was worthy of your post, because it is a great one, but it left me speechless...in a good way!

POD said...

Ah, I see Patty visited.
That's nice.
I read your post. Of course, why else would I be here?
I'll be in Denver tomorrow morning.

I downloaded a book called "The Liar in Your life." I'll listen to it on the plane and in spare time this week. Sort of reminds me of your last paragraph. The author says the average person lies 3 times every 10 minutes. This means we can't trust a soul! haha

And yes, you're correct. Your weight may have stayed the same but the description of your week sounds harrowing at best (sorry to hear about the date) and would definitely cause a lot of personal growth. We don't stay the same when we suffer. We can't. Or we can notice the suffering and go drinking. Then we can stay nearly the same.

Kris said...

Not hardly indeed! Sounds like this past week will not have anything to do with you staying the same. Congrats with your continual growth!

Fat[free]Me said...

Oh, wonderful post! You have grown indeed!

Merry said...

Very good point. Nobody stays 'the same.'