Groaning on cloud nine

Yesterday I made a bold declaration: to do Jillian's 30 Day Shred every day for 30 days.

And I'm going to be honest with you...I almost didn't.  I left work late - after working an 11 hour day.  I was kind of hungry and I needed to stop by the store to pick up some more fresh fruit.  I didn't WANT to do it.  I didn't feel a deep burning yearning to exercise like I have before.  Instead, I really just wanted to go home and relax.

'I can just start tomorrow!,' I thought.  No one will know.  And besides, it's not like you're breaking a streak of hard work.  You haven't even started yet.  What's one more day?

But I made a promise to myself and to you.  AND I know that me not exercising has drug on day by day until whoopsies! It's been almost 3 months since I've done anything significant.  I can't let that trend continue.  I matter too much.

So I did it anyway.  Even when I walked through the door and didn't want to change into workout clothes.  Even when I started the DVD and remembered how irritating it is not to be able to skip through Jillian's intro.  Even when I had my doubts as to whether or not there would be enough space in our loft apartment.  And even when I realized that I didn't have the dumbbells that she wants us to use.

I had a lot of reasons I could've thrown in the towel.

But I didn't.

Behold, my "dumbbells" used during the DVD (made of plastic because I am quite the clumsy one sometimes).  The bottle of water is 1 liter and the bottle of Kahlua is bigger than that (and almost full...we aren't big drinkers.  I think this bottle is more than a few years old). The thing in between them is the our bathroom clock where I was hoping you could see the date and time.

Behold the close-up of said clock showing the date and time.

Behold, my sweaty face.

I'm so proud of myself.

That first workout was the hardest one I've had in a while.  Not because I've physically lost so much ground from when I used to run regularly (and let me tell you, I can't believe how out of shape I am these days).  But because it was hard to get myself psyched up to actually do it. 

I think that I've felt so defeated by my body recently.  After my surgery in October, I had a string of complications where my body just wouldn't stop having problems.  It hurt *so* badly.  And I think mentally, I have gotten used to thinking "oh, I can't do that." 

Last night, I proved that I could.  I may not have anywhere close to perfect form when it comes to any of the exercises.  My breathing may not be great.  And let's face it, I'm going to have to get my dumbbells out of storage because the huge plastic bottles of liquid aren't exactly easy to hold on to.

But I did it. 

My arms are sore.  My quads are sore.  My knees are aching a tad.  Even thinking about rising out of my office chair is enough to make me groan in advance.  But I'm on cloud nine.

The first day getting "back on the wagon" with diet seems to be harder than any other day.  And the first workout is about the same.  It's daunting.  It feels like a huge obstacle, a huge burden.  For me, at least, the anxiety builds because I doubt myself as to whether I can actually do it.

But when you triumph?  It feels awesome. 

For all you Biggest Loser fans, you might as well know that right now I have the BL theme in my head: "What have you done today to make you feel proud?"

Today, for the first time in a while, I actually have an answer.

*Also, if you're curious about what my take is on the 30 Day Shred, let me know and I'll post a bit of a review on it.  I love some DVDs but sometimes I feel reluctant to buy new ones without hearing how someone I "know" liked it.  It has a few pros and cons (just like anything).  Alternately, I'd love to know what DVDs you guys really love.