Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thank you

I tried to think of a clever title for this post, but I couldn't - because the mantra that kept pouring out of me was "Thank you."

Seriously.  Your advice, emails, and listening ears regarding my last post helped out a ton.

To be honest, I'm not sure I ever really thought about things the way that some of you wrote.  I mean, yes, I've written about what Geneen Roth calls your "inclination to bolt" as a way to zone out of your life as it stands... but in some ways I wasn't aware of how deep it could go.  I knew I was afraid of feeling empty and alone, but I didn't really think to figure out WHY those feelings were so uncomfortable.

I've done some processing about why that feels so darn uncomfortable and my hope is that I'll be able to put those issues to rest - or at least to peace.

Truthfully, like every time I drop a bomb (something that I've been holding in and not sharing) on this blog, it felt better just writing what was going on in my head.  This was no exception.

I have a lot to think about.

In the meantime, our second session with the couples counselor is tonight - where hopefully we'll be able to figure out more about how much longer I'm willing to wait and how much thought he's putting into this.  I know he's trying.  Guys don't agree to go to a therapist for the first time in their lives weekly AND add in a couples counselor if they're not at least willing to do some work on the subject.  And I know he wouldn't go through all this just for anyone.

Is that enough?  And if it is, will it be enough for forever?  Maybe.  Maybe not. 

In other news, I had the third (and hopefully final) interview on Tuesday and I feel like it went really well.  If they do offer something that is within my requested salary range, I'll take it and be happy.  They said that I would hear soon and when I left, the HR manager gave me a benefits package to review "until the next time that we talk."  The two people I interviewed with indicated several times that they would give me an offer.

Lastly, I've started to do some thinking about how to structure my eating, my approach to eating, or my plan of eating a bit better.

I believe that intuitive eating CAN work...but I believe that I need some more structure.  I brainstormed with some ways on how to do this - and maybe it means sticking strongly to the "rules" that Geneen has written about in many of her books.  Maybe it means taking pictures of my food before I eat so that I can pause and actually decide how hungry I am before I start.

Whatever the case, I feel more optimistic today that the cycle of overeating can and will stop. 

And that?  Is progress.


Auntie Mandy said...

For me, I have to stop when I'm full, no matter how good the food is, and how healthy it is. Really, how healthy are 4 more mushroom when I am so stuffed and those last four make me miserable?

Lanie Painie said...

You have to stop wanting things that only other people can give you. How can anybody put a timeline on things like love?

Now if he knew absolutely he did not want to be married ever, would that be a deal breaker? Sounds like kids isn't a deal breaker.

And even if you decide that you don't want kids of your own or find out that can't have them - trust me, it's not up to either of you. I used to think it was up to me if I had a kid, but guess what? She's 9 years old. sneaky sneaky kid. I have to go take her snow boots to school soon.

Start preparing for the future you want now. Get the teaching thing in order and start saving saving saving your money. Keep enjoying Joe and soaking up his love. You ARE worthy of it you know. And if you find out that you just can't get on the same page then letting go will hurt, but it's not necessarily forever. No ultimatums. Just work towards your goals. If yours is to own a house and be a teacher with kids, and his is to be unmarried then that's going to be what happens.

Seriously, read the Laura Munson book. Today.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

It's true that if you ignore something it'll go away; I had a cavity I ignored and that tooth eventually went away...

Seriously, you've laid your cards out on the table. He's gotta know that he can't ignore what's important to you or he's the one risking losing something special.

Hope it all works out...

~ Darla ~ said...

Jack never fails to make me chuckle. I hope it all works out for the best and I have faith that it will.

TinaM said...

I have been away from blogland, (also eating to feel better, which needs to stop. Cause in the end it doesn't make us feel better at all) So I'm late on this.
I agree with a lot of what everyone else was saying. It's a tough situation to be in! All I can say is, if he's willing to go to counseling for you, that HAS to count for something. He loves you, and you so deserve that :)
I hope the rest falls into place, because you deserve all of it and it's not to much to ask.
The gain? A minor setback, you sound like you're headed for the right track again.

Jennifer Brindley said...

Just wanted to stop by and say hello. You're gorgeous! :)~

I read through your last post and I don't really know what to say, except that I feel a lot of what you're going through. Hang tight.

I look forward to reading more about how you guys come through the other side of this whole thing together. <3

~Jenn (Ex Hot Girl)