Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Classical Gas

Writing the last post was kind of tough for me.  Well, actually it was hitting the "publish" button that was difficult.

See, I knew that weight had been creeping up.  I knew that I didn't feel as good, physically, as I wished I was.  And I knew that I didn't really want to post about it.

And putting a number to my weight gain?  Eesh.

The thing is, after hitting "publish" I felt a bit freer.  A bit better.  And in that moment, I decided to do more things that made me feel better.

For starters, I called a local large breed volunteer group that I have helped in the past and asked if there were any dogs being boarded (rather than in foster homes) that I could love on and take for a walk.  They replied back with a huge "YES!" and Sunday I walked my first big dog since Chassis.

His name is Guinness and he's a HUGE 11 month old Newfoundland puppy.  Who is not good on a leash, but makes up for it by pulling hard in any direction he's headed.  Armed with some treats, I attempted to help teach him better manners.  And then I loved on him like crazy.  What can I say?  I'm a sucker for huge, adorable puppy eyes.  I'm not sure who got the better work-out that day, but I was a bit sore that night.

But, oh, was I happy.

Being out in the sunshine has a profound effect on me and my mood.  I hope I remember that next time my mood drops lower.

Last night I set my alarm for an earlier time setting than when I have to get up...to see if the urge to run would hit me when it went off.  To be honest, I've done this probably 7 times in the last two weeks and have never actually gotten up any earlier.  Could I have?  Sure.  Were there one or two times when I was awake enough to go?  Sure.

But I've been scared.

This morning I had a nightmare about my younger sister's wedding and ended up waking up right before the alarm went off.  So when it went off, I didn't have much of an excuse.  I hit the snooze anyway.

And when the snooze alarm went off, I took inventory.  I realized that I was, indeed, fully awake.  I realized that I was afraid of running.  I realized that I didn't want to force myself to run on the treadmill.  So I decided to check the weather and see if it was okay to go outside.  The weather was 42 degrees...the perfect running temperature.

So with that, I got up, got dressed and went outside...my heart pounding almost every step from dread.

If you look verrrry closely you'll see Joe and me :)
But the funniest thing happened.  When I walked outside and took a deep breath, I remembered what it felt like to get out in the morning.

I set up my iPod on random and started walking.  I walked by our city's most awesome art sculpture (in my opinion), the Big Blue Bear.

"Classical Gas" by Mason Williams came on and I ran.

I ran for the next two songs, then walked for one and a half, and then ran the last one.

My pace?  Mostly runningish.

It felt good to move my body.  It felt good to get some stress out.  It felt good to do something I chose to do.

It felt good to overcome a fear.

And *that* is what I've done today to make me feel proud.


Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Woohoo for getting out there and running in spite of your fear. (I understand that one...all too well!)

You did it and you should be proud :)

I think publishing/acknowledging your weight gain on your blog is a big deal. To me, it symbolizes you are ready to take the bull by the horns.

I am notorious for avoiding and hiding all sorts of things when I go off track (case in point: last summer). It's when I finally step on that scale again (which I avoid big-time when I'm in binge mode) that I know I'm ready to begin - again.

You're on track. You're doing it! One foot in front of the other...

PS I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I'll bet she was a sweet lady. Hope you're doing okay.

Dillypoo said...

Good for you! Amazing how we can regress into fears and old habits, but it feels soooo good when we overcome them!

I need to start running in the morning again, too. It's getting too hot where I live to run in the afternoons, but my old fears about running in the dark are haunting me again. I need to get a grip and just go.

Auntie Mandy said...

You go girl! Make the run your bitch! (I told my mom to make her budget her bitch and she wasn't sure if she should laugh or wash my mouth out with soap. Anyway, her budget is her fear.) You can so do it!

Janell said...

Now THAT is a very sweet and kind (to you) post. But I have a dog who's 11 months old and she'd love to walk with you. She's a big puppy. She's short but big.

TinaM said...

Just read your last post. First, I am so sorry about your Grandmother :(
Second, I can relate to the weight gain and lost feeling. I haven't been blogging, and have also gained back about 20 pounds! Everything you wrote is how I feel right now. The difference: Today YOU did something about it! You should be so proud!!! It's that first step out the door that's the hardest, and you DID IT!!! :)

Lily Fluffbottom said...

I love that big blue bear! It is so incredible! I screamed the first time I saw it! I have a picture of me sticking my finger in its hoohaw. :)

I'm glad you got out and ran. I think it scared me a little too. Good job picking up a ginormous puppy to walk though! Thats some smart thinking!