Gray matter

Happy Memorial Day!

If you're like me, you have the day off - which has been a welcome relief!  We haven't enjoyed the weekend as much as we had intended due to four (count 'em...FOUR) trips to the ER for Joe's grandpa.  He's been in each of those times with penis pain.  Can you blame me if I didn't ask more questions?

I just finished my second week on Weight Watchers and I have to say, I'm really happy with the results.  And to be clear, I mean the results of MY thinking.

It's no big secret that I've been struggling with lots of my mental demons lately - and it's taking up a lot of my brain space.  It's been a welcome relief to be able to rely on the fact that I need X points for the day.  I don't really even have to worry about how to "spend" the points - I eat a lot of what I used to be eating - just sometimes my portion sizes are smaller.

The first week, I lost 7.2 pounds.  Now I could go on and on about how awesome I was that first week, but truthfully, I knew I weighed heavy that day.  I stepped on the scale with a full bladder and heavier shoes than I normally wear.  But I can tell you that the 7.2 pounds definitely wasn't all water weight or shoes.

This past week, I lost 2.4 pounds - although it's unofficial because the meeting is canceled today due to the holiday.  I'll try to weigh in later this week, but it's a busy week and I'm not sure how likely that is.  So the 2.4 pounds lost is from the details on my bathroom scale.

Truthfully, I'm happy that I'm losing weight again.  I'm happy that I'm once again making smarter, better for me choices again.  It's different for me this time - in that if I'm hungry, I'm choosing to eat right through my point target.  I'm not stopping and starving for anyone - even a program. 

Several times during the past two weeks, I've thought that I'd really blown it with my eating.  I mean, the first week, I was out of town most of it with almost no control over what we got to eat.  And if you think I turned down the double chocolate chip (freshly baked) cookies that the hotel I was staying at gave me, you're not exactly right.  I ate the cookies.  I ate desert.  I drank wine. There may have been a few Snickers bars in there too.

In fact, in celebration of Chassis' birthday, I drank three glasses of wine.  (side note: it's almost a year later...how can I miss her so much still??)

So tracking has been a really helpful thing - because even when I'm crazy high with my points (or so I think), I realize after I put it down that it's not as bad as I thought it was.

Realizing that makes it easier to pull back on the overeating throttle of my consumption. 

Working the WW plan helps me remember that it doesn't have to be all black and white.  I'm not right or wrong, fat or thin, on plan or off.  I'm just me.  And I'm realizing that the beauty of life is sometimes in the gray.