Sunday morning, Joe and I decided to get our breakfast from the Einsteins across the street. I've mentioned this before, but we live just off the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver. I ordered an egg white sandwich with ham and cheese on a bagel thin. Joe ordered something similar.
As we were walking back across the street to get into our building, I heard someone clearly shout, "Hey Fatso!!"
I turned around and saw a homeless man (who was in the middle of going through the trashcan) look directly at me.
Kids and people who are mentally ill will, apparently, tell you the truth about yourself - whether you want to hear it or not.
Did it hurt? Well, yeah. But is it true? Well, yeah.
I've had a few a-ha moments recently but this one kind of takes the cake.
And really? I want to be healthier. I want to be back on track.
You might be rolling your eyeballs thinking to yourself that I'm not exactly saying anything that is different from what I have been the last few months.
And you're right - but that's only because I haven't finished this post yet.
See, Monday night I did something I thought that I wouldn't do. I went back to my old Weight Watchers meeting.
Before you throw something at me and call me a traitor, I'll explain how I got to that decision (and then you can throw something at me).
First, I've been thinking about this for MONTHS. I asked Jams about it (she is a WW leader) and she gave me some great advice about the program. And agin, that was months ago. I've been marinating what she told me.
Honestly? The program seems to be pretty good in the sense that they're focusing much more on health rather than their points of things. I was optimistic that they have finally tailored their points calculations on protein, carbs, fat and fiber not just fiber, fat, and calories. I really like that they have indulging as a main point in their program - I think that's healthy. And I like that more emphasis is being placed on "real" foods.
I feel a bit skeptical that fruit can really be no points - because I guess I feel that they should count for something. But I read all the material they sent me home with and their focus group lost weight using this, so maybe it's not as sketchy as I thought.
BUT...I don't think I want to do this for forever. Or even until my goal weight. I do think that intuitive eating is the way to go (hello, filling foods technique) and I feel like ultimately, WW may only take me so far.
In their defense, I didn't hear anyone this week say that they wanted to eat fake WW foods or congratulate themselves about being hungry or depriving themselves. I hope that continues.
For breakfast, I did have the exact same thing I typically have. And for lunch, I had a Subway sandwich on the way to the airport (I'm now in Chicago) because I knew that my options at the concourse at the airport are limited to Steak Escape, McDonalds, and TCBY. I knew I didn't feel like any of those, so I stopped and picked one up to eat while I was waiting for my plane.
For dinner, I met with my dad at a place that served great ribs. I did order everything I wanted - fresh green beans, a cornbread muffin, and 4 pieces of ribs. It was delish!
Because my eating didn't vary much from my normal eating style, I was shocked to find that I only went over my points values by 7. It was really great to realize that I was still on plan.
Will I stay with WW? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm a sucker for charts and graphs and I kind of like that WW does that for me. I know that there is no such thing as good and bad foods. I know that I want my cholesterol numbers to be like those of a child (which is what they were 2 years ago). I know that when I eat better, I feel great. I know that I miss that feeling. Oh, and I know that I don't want to answer to "Hey, Fatso," ever again.
If WW gets me a few steps closer to my goals, who cares? Like I said before when I struck out on my own a year ago, I want to do what works for me. And right now, it feels good to have more structure in my life surrounding food. I like the guidelines. As soon as I start feeling severely restricted and triggered, I may back away.
I'm giving myself permission to change my mind. That feels healthy too.