Getting back to it...

Yesterday it was all I could do to not completely blow it.

See, Monday and Tuesday I really threw caution to the wind and ate whatever the heck I wanted. I did do "The Firm" on Tuesday (which completely kicks my butt...seriously people...it works!) but I knew that in order to lose the 2 pounds I so brazenly stated I wanted to, I would have to get with the program.

Yesterday I ate perfectly. What I mean is that I ate the exact amount of points I should, I exercised for an hour, and I ate all the things I should've (eTools members: I got all "happy faces" on my foods). Like I had all the water, oil, fruits, veggies, milks, and vitamins I should.

And last night, I battled my desire to eat even more. Not because I was hungry for food...but because I didn't want to feel deprived. Because I wanted to be rewarded for a great job at work, wanted to feel comforted even though I live alone and am not dating anyone, wanted to feel excited because my big night was spent trying to stay awake for "Top Chef."

In the end, I laid down on the couch and ended up falling asleep before 8. I woke up at 9 and went to bed...and got a great night sleep.

Today, I'm awake and happy. I'm proud that I held it together yesterday and feel that with one "perfect" day under my belt, that I can do it a little bit easier today. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

baby steps...

0.2.

That's how much I lost this past week.

On one hand, I'm proud that I turned my week around after almost blowing it in the first few days. I'm proud that I didn't use the first few days as an excuse to scrap the whole week.

On the other hand, I'm frustrated WITH MYSELF that I'm not consistent.

It's Tuesday afternoon, and I only have 6 points left for the day and 5 points left for the week's flex points. Not exactly a stellar start to this week either. BUT I am going skiing this weekend and I think that that will be a blast - and a great way to burn the calories that I, unfortunately, have already used.

I'm going to try to not blow it. I'm going to try to lose 2 pounds. Because I REALLY want to get that 50 pound washer that they're giving out these days at WW. It's my next goal - to get out of the 40s and into the 50s.

So I'm tracking - and tonight I plan on being asleep by 9. I've gotten 5 hours the last two nights and I know that that is a bad situation for me. If I don't get enough sleep, I start craving sugars and carbs like CRAZY. Which could explain my decision to eat an eggo with butter and syrup today at work. TypicallyI can turn that stuff down, but today I gave into my cravings.

I hate it when I do that...

4.73

When I first started my healthier kick in July of 2008, I focused almost completely on diet. In September I decided to add cardio to the mix. A couple of months later, I added strength training in - mostly in the form of free weights added to cardio. Then came the 8 weeks where I couldn't work out at all (doctor's orders) and I slowly had to ramp everything back up again when I was cleared. I'm now working out several days a week and I'm trying to alternate between cardio and weight/strength training.

Last night was a cardio night...and despite being on the elliptical next to a guy with HORRENDOUS body odor, it was pleasant.

I play a little game most times when I work out. And it is this: make the calorie counter go to 100 every 7.5 minutes. The machines that I work out on are ones where you enter your weight and age into it prior to starting the work out. So as I've dropped weight it gets harder to reach the 100 calorie benchmark every 7.5 minutes...which means I have to move faster or raise the resistance. I already work out using intervals - alternating between low crossramp and resistance and then higher ones. To burn the necessary calories, I typically have to be at 174+ steps/minute for the lower resistance intervals and 155+ for the higher resistance intervals. I love this game most of the time.

I don't kill myself with it. My deal with myself is: work out for at least 20 minutes. As it gets closer to the 20 minute mark, I usually talk myself up to 30 and then progressively more. Once I hit 48 minutes, I'm dedicated to working out for the full hour. But usually by this time, I can't keep up with the 100 calories per time period...I've usually decreased the resistance and crossramp on one of the intervals. I've only worked out for the full hour a handful of times. Because my other deal with myself is stop when it is no longer fun (after the 20 minutes). If I make myself work out past the point of fun, it feels like a chore. And I am doing this for my mental health just as much as I am for the physical health.

Last night I decreased the intervals for a total of 4 minutes...but then ramped right back up. My calorie counter reached 800 by the end of the hour and I was SO proud of myself...because that IS 100 calories every 7.5 minutes.

I usually don't focus on the distance part of it - mostly because it doesn't move fast enough to be motivating. But last night, when I was done, I checked it. 4.73 miles.

I know, ellipticals don't really match up in running miles (like how the treadmill does). I use it because my knees are a constant source of pain when running. I'm hoping to drop another 35 pounds and then start running for real. Training for a half or full marathon sounds like fun.

Even though I know that I couldn't run (outside or on a treadmill) 4.73 miles in an hour now, I'm pretty proud of what that means for me now: I'm getting healthier.

I am really proud of myself.

Just what I needed

So I've been having a problem with consistency as of late. Like my weight loss will be down three weeks in a row and then up. And no, it's not because of a monthly thing...

I think it's because the novelty of WW has worn off. I mean, I've been at it since mid-July. And, although I'm proud of my weight loss to date, I'm getting a little bored. I've now been on it longer than I have been "on" any new diet. And I have to say, I'm pretty happy that there are some things that are becoming routine. I find that when I focus on my health and not just the pounds, that I feel better, I do better, and I am better. The weight loss follows. These changes are becoming more "normal" and I'm finding that I'm adjusting to the concept that this whole eating healthier... welll, it gets me feeling healthier. And I want to feel that way for the rest of my life. So returning to old habits isn't a good idea. Although I'm proud of that, I'm finding that the jump between 40 and 45 doesn't seem as big of a deal as the jump between 0 and 5. Am I right or am I right? The novelty has worn off...even if only a tad. Plus, being 45 pounds down has given me lots of compliments...and I'm feeling pretty good. I no longer wear any LB clothes and even fit into a size MEDIUM shirt at the Gap. Alright, it must've been a wonky medium because I don't fit in any other mediums...but I'm still claiming it as fantastic. These are great accomplishments and are the little successes that are keeping me going, even if it's at a slower pace than what it used to be.

Having said that, it's always great to work towards a goal. I'm not even half way to mine and find that mini-goals along the way help out a ton - as does accountability.

Late last year, I joined the Christmas Challenge that Chubby Chick hosted. It was great and kept me on track...or at least was an added bonus of something I got to do on Monday nights after my meeting. :) Plus, I met people like Dave through it (and from him I got to meet a lot of other weight loss bloggers!) - win, win! :)

Anyway, she just started a new challenge...one for between now and the 4th of July. You can sign up at any time and can update at any time. I am excited to work towards a goal...and am glad that she hosts these. You get to set your own goal...and they just ask that you post weekly to talk about how you did. I saw a lot of people choosing 40 pounds (because there is 20 weeks between the start and finish of the challenge). Two pounds a week would be lovely, but I don't think that I could keep up with that. So instead, I'm going for 35....which I think is doable.

Join me if you'd like...it's fun! :)

Shrinking body

It seemed like for awhile, I was losing weight, but my body wasn't actually decreasing in size - or at least not markedly. Today I was getting dressed for work and tried on three different pairs of pants and found that they look so. very. bulky. Like I need to not ever wear them again.

I don't know when that happened - but I do know that two months ago, these pants were too tight...and now, they're too loose. I lost some prime pants wearing time because I thought for a long while that the pants would still be too tight...and now I really can't wear them.

I've had two co-workers come up to me yesterday and say that they can really tell that I'm dropping weight all of the sudden. And I'm with them - I haven't really been able to tell much of a difference in the past two months...until the last week. And now I've realized that I'm shrinking.

Why am I writing about this? No...it's not to brag. It's actually because I'm trying to remember that I'm still me. I'm happy that I'm dropping weight - that the outside of my body is starting to reflect my inside changes. But it's also a little scary. And I'm not quite sure why...other than that these big jumps - or perceived big jumps - in the way I look means that I need to re-evaluate what I look like. And every time I go through that realization, I have to remember that it's still me. I'm still the same person. I'm still funny. I'm still smart. I'm just shrinking.

Has anyone else had this issue? Has anyone else had this need for re-evaluation as they've lost weight - almost a confirming of yourself?

So there's that...

Alright. So I gained last week. I gained a lot. Like the woman at the counter was all "I think that I put something in wrong because this can't be right." In my defense, I was wearing jeans that were a MUCH heavier weight than what I typically do AND since it was snowing and my pants were big, I ended up having snow/water on my jeans.

Having said that, I've done a pretty good job this week. I've lost almost all of the weight that I gained (by rough calculations) last week...

MORE importantly, I have been good to myself. I was so sick this week that I even lost my voice (something that people have been praying for for years!) on Wednesday. Instead of plowing through it, I took the day off and slept.

I felt so much better, that I went skiing yesterday with my friend Kelly. We had planned this for over a month and I was looking forward to it so much! It didn't even occur to me until Friday night to look for my ski wear. I literally tore apart my room trying to find the long underwear and ski bibs! Then when I found them, I was SO scared that they wouldn't fit. And thankfully they did. I would've had to buy a new coat, new long underwear, and new ski bibs if I would've done this last year. I was so proud of all of the hard work that I did to get me to that place.

We had a great time and I have that great post-work out soreness. I'm going skiing later this month with a friend and my goal is to do a lot more lunges and dips in the next few weeks so that I won't be so sore next time.

I feel good.

I feel healthier.

And that is a great change to where I was last week.