Don't look down...

So Monday I posted about how I realized that I have an issue with being scared.

I went to WW anyway - and made it a point to talk to Angela, my leader. Can I just tell you that I absolutely heart Angela? She is SUCH a role model and I really admire her. I told her everything - the part about some days being absolutely perfect and others where I'm eating just to eat...and she summed it up with saying that I've got two voices going on...we just need to work on one voice being louder than the other one right now.

I love that idea. Accepting that there is a voice telling me to be scared, telling me to run in the other direction, and telling me to do what I always have done. That voice will probably never go away. Just like the one that tells me that I'm not "enough." But I get to choose to pay attention to that voice or not.

So, I decided that to not freak me out about getting closer to 50, I am not going to weigh myself. Typically, I weigh myself daily - and I'm not going to say that I won't go back to that ever. But this week - no matter how tempted I am - I'm not going to weigh myself. I'm going to concentrate on how I'm feeling and trying to pump up the volume of my healthy voice.

So far, I've done pretty great. I haven't used all of my weekly points and yesterday I was even under my target (not a big deal since I ate many extra on Monday).

Oh - and my weigh in? It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I gained 0.6...so I'm at exactly 45 pounds.

The other thing that I'm going to try to be mindful of is that I'm maintaining a loss of 45 pounds. And that takes a lot of work - for anyone. So even if I bounce a little up and down from time to time, I'm still keeping off the weight that I've worked hard to lose.

I'm trying to make that matter.