Monday, May 11, 2009

Halfway

Look at the ticker at the top of my screen! For the next seven days, you'll see it stating that I am exactly halfway to my goal.

On one hand, I'm excited. 9 months ago, it didn't even seem possible that I could lose 55 pounds. 9 months ago, I realized that I had to lose the weight of a whole Olsen Twin! Now I only have to lose HALF of that.:) 9 months ago, it seemed like a daunting task before me.

On the other hand, I have to realize that everything that I went through for the past 9 months... Yeah, I've got to do that exact same thing - ALL OVER AGAIN. And that's where it seems like a daunting task AGAIN. Realistically, when I'm finished with the weight loss portion of this, it's not like I'm going to live differently. It's not like I'll get to the goal, and then get a bag of magic goodies that "cure" me of overeating. It'll be like...well, my normal everyday life.

Do I feel different today?

Yes. I do have more energy. I have more pride in myself. I know that I am handling stress better and I love that I don't have to worry if I'm too big to ride a ride at the carnival, too big to fit in an airplane seat, too big to shop in trendy stores, and too big to fit in a movie theater seat. These days I don't worry about that much at all (I still have that initial worry...but after a second, I remember that those fears no longer need to plague me).

Huh.

I wonder if when I meet my goal, I'll have that same last thought about how much I'm currently worried that I won't be able to lose it all or keep it off. I wonder if I'll be able to worry about that for a second and then remember that those worries don't need to plague me anymore. That's what having your weight and eating under control must be like. That's what being free of food/eating disorders might feel like.

For the next 55.6 pounds, I'm going to continue to focus on health. I'm going to continue to focus on taking care of me. And I'm going to continue to focus on how good being healthy feels.

Thanks for your support...it means the world to me!

2 Comments:

POD said...

A few things - not that you asked--
Change your phrasing to exclude the word 'if'.
As in this sentence:
"I wonder if when I meet my goal..."
Get rid of the 'if'...
Just say "when I meet my goal..."
You go on to say "how much I am currently worried that I won't be able to lose it all or keep it off." Stop worrying. Deal with today. Be proud of yourself like your earlier post. MY gawd, one of the Olsen twins! Because you lost one of them already, losing the second one will be a breeze. One Olsen down, one to go.
Get rid of the 'ifs' and keeping the weight off won't be a big issue. I have kept the majority of my weight off since the early 2000s and will not gain it back.
Try not to plan to jeopardize yourself now or in the future.
(I think I am talking to a mirror. ;-)

Slackey said...

So proud!! Keep up the good work!