Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Soothing Without Food

I've been home for a little over two weeks after the surgery.  In that time, my mom stayed with me for a few days before returning to her home town.  Since then?  It's been just me.

Well, me and the pantry.

For the first week, moving was so painful that I didn't eat as much as I normally would.  But since then, I've felt the urge to eat more, to snack when I'm not hungry, and to make poor food choices.


Some of it is due to boredom.  Some of it is due to the pain.  But a lot of it is due to the fact that I just feel helpless.  I can do very few things for myself these days - and because of my most recent infection, most of my time is spend with my wound exposed to air (in the hopes that that will help it close up).   This means that I can't be around other people and I spend most of my day on the couch (with a sheet on top) bare-assed so that my abdomen can be exposed to air.  It's fun and oh-so sexy.

I can't type - because it's not like I can put my laptop on my abdomen and I can't sit because that causes the wound to not be open to air.  (I am currently sitting up in bed with my laptop on my right knee, but the incision site is not getting any air, so this isn't good).  I can't lift much and I can't be out in public. 

And there is only so much TV one person can watch.  In the two weeks since I've been out, I've read my way through the Harry Potter series and two other books.  I wish I could do something else.

I don't feel like I'm a help around the house for Joe and let's be honest - it's not like I can do any "girlfriend" type activities. 

Yes, I know that this isn't a permanent thing.  But for right now, it's not fun.

The thing is, I find myself wanting to eat anything and everything...to take me away from my own life right now. 

I'm surprised how often the thought of "just a little something" pops into my head.  And I constantly have to beat it back - telling myself that "a little something" to eat isn't going to make my life easier and it isn't going to make me more productive.  "A little something" is just going to make me into a bigger person...and don't I deserve more than that?

So today, I decided that in addition to trying to give thanks for where I'm at (yesterday's theme), I'm going to recognize that I should be looking for progress, not perfection.   I've been exposing myself (literally!) to air probably 23 hours out of the day - when I eat, when I sleep, and during the rest of the day.  But today, I decided that I'd to a little something for me - even if it means that my wound doesn't get as much air.  I've got a mud mask on my face (ooh! pampering!) and I'm typing out my feelings.  So maybe that means that my wound isn't aired out but 22 hours today.  WHO CARES?  It's still good.  And I feel a bit more taken care of.


Funny, but now I don't feel much like eating anything. 

And that?  That feels great.

12 Comments:

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Geez, you poor thing! If you didn't have to be so exposed, I'd suggest for someone to come to your house to give you a pedicure!

Do you have any books to read? If you have a library closeby (maybe Joe could go for you?), you could get a couple of books on CD, so then you could just listen?

I was on bedrest for 3 months while I was pregnant - I wasn't allowed to get up at all, except to go to the bathroom and get in the shower. That's it. So, I know what it's like to have to just lie in a certain way day-in, day-out...torture!

One way to stop the "little something" munchies is to chew gum. I like Sugar-Free Bubble Yum...good for blowing bubbles! i don't know about you, but I can't eat and chew gum at the same time :)

Hope you heal up soon!

Lanie Painie said...

You've been having an unbelievably hard time with this. Poor girl!

Have you tried Sudoku and Crossword puzzles yet? Did you love the Potter books?

Maybe it's time to try a vlog.

How is standing up? I often stand up with my laptop on the kitchen counter and type that way when I need to be online. heh. "need"

maybe you can get a pencil and paper and write the old fashioned way. Time to take up knitting.
Call if you're lonely!

The Incredible Shrinking Woman said...

Something you might try (if you are really bored) (besides matching my pillowcases of unmatching socks for me... lol) is handwriting nice notes to people you love. Thank you's, encouragement, I love you's, I like you's...
Handwritten notes are so much better than emails, and you will not only be curbing your urge to nibble, but making someone else's day a little brighter!
I'm only sharing this cause I understand how bored you really are! lol

Karen said...

Oh that does not sound like fun. How about an old TV series you missed...go back to the beginning and watch on DVD. I got into Grey's Anatomy and Sex and the City that way.

Katy said...

bare-assed...in this weather! ahhhhh. You're my hero!

TinaM said...

I really feel for you, that would be SO hard :( I can relate to wanting to eat everything, but you are overcoming that. You're doing a great job!
Love the last post too, about being thankful for were you are.
I was going to suggest sudoku and crosswords, but Lanie Panie beat me to it :)
I hope you find something to occupy your time. Get better SOON!

The Chubby Girl Diaries said...

((((HUGS))))

You poor thing! I am so sorry that you are going through this! It must be very frustrating to feel helpless. :(

Wishing you a quick recovery! :)

~Kellie

The Babe said...

I have a puzzle book to send you--that might help. And I also suggest popsicles, although with this weather you may want to think of something warmer....

Take care, and call me! I'll expose my belly if it will make you feel more comfortable (and you might just change your mind once you see it!).

Kris said...

I am with 'The Babe'. As a form of support and solidarity, I, too, will expose my belly. However, I will be at work. Can you bail me outta jail???
I am glad you are doing something nice for you, like a facial.
I will talk to you soon...heal up!

Janell said...

What's with dragging this surgery thing out? Can't you snap your fingers and get better?

When I was home a lot with various illnesses and surgeries (except my most recent surgery WLS) I would spend hours eating. If you can keep yourself from being buds with the pantry, that is a huge feat. Get well soon, would ya?

Jenny said...

:( I think you need a movie marathon. I watch a dozen movies when I was stuck in bed post-wisdom teeth removal. I also became addicted to Modern family in that period.

Lanie Painie said...

Just checking in to let you know I think about you often and I hope your recovery is FINALLY underway.
You've been dealt a raw deal for sure. I'll be here when you're ready to return. I miss you :)