Monday, November 29, 2010

Me first

First, a quick update.  I still have an open wound but it is amazingly smaller than what it used to be.  I believe it should be closed up later this week for good - although I'll be going to the doctor later today to verify.  As luck would have it (or at least my luck would have it), I'm currently running a fever and am sick.  I either have the flu or or a super bad cold.  But I'm hoping it doesn't turn into a sinus infection - so I'm trying to stay on top of meds and supplements to make this shorter than what it has to be.

The Monday after I had my surgery, I went to a doctor to have my staples removed.  My mom was driving Joe's car and as she was going to get my prescriptions filled, I was dropped off to just go home and rest. 

On my way across the few blocks to the entrance to our building, I caught a lady's eye.  'I know that girl,' I thought.  By her expression, she recognized me too.  But as I was trying to place where I knew her from, she smiled and said hi.  Turns out she is from my old Weight Watchers group.

Immediate dread filled me.  I was fresh out of surgery, in pain, and dreading the few blocks that I had to walk to get home.  But I didn't say good-bye to anyone at my meeting when I quit.  No one knew why.  I realized that since I was still completely bloated from the surgery, it likely looked like I had gained back lots of weight.  I was sure that she had lots of questions.

I was right; she asked what was new, and why I had stopped coming. 

At that moment, I breathed in and realized that I didn't want to go through it all. So I didn't.

I put me first.

I explained to her that I had just had surgery and that I didn't feel well.  I said that I'd have to catch up with her later and wished her well.  The entire part of my conversation lasted about 10 seconds.  I mean, I said I'd catch up later when I didn't ask for her contact information.  She quickly nodded her agreement and wished me well.

A year ago, I definitely would've put her first, or at least what I thought that she needed and wanted.  I would've felt like I had to justify my choice and what kind of surgery I had just had.  I would've made sure that she felt good about whatever progress she had made.  And I would've been fatigued at the end of the conversation.

But now, I put me first.  I realized that I was already tired - and going into a long conversation with someone who I didn't even remember where I knew her from wasn't necessary.  Not going into everything with her was OKAY.  She is okay.  And I felt better about finally honoring ME.

As I get better, I'm looking for little ways that I can do that on a regular basis.  I believe that those small ways of putting yourself as a priority will build up to healthy habits and behaviors.

What about you - what have you done for YOU lately?

P.S.  It's Monday - so this is just a reminder to head over to my review blog and put in a great tip for the holidays.  One lucky person will win $150 from BlogHer and Laughing Cow.


Lanie Painie said...

I'm SO happy that you're finally healing and feeling better about the wound. I hope you're right and that it's gone soon.

I'm really proud of you for putting yourself first when you could've played 20 quesstions with that lady and it really wouldn't have changed anything except for making you more tired. You go girl!

I'm putting myself first by joining a gym and getting more exercise to burn my fat! bye bye fat!

SJB said...

I'm glad you're getting better and putting yourself first. I've always said I'm old enough to not have to do anything I don't want to. I wish you continued healing.

Lesia said...

Way to go! I but myself first alot and sometimes I regret it but for the most I am glad I do. smile.

Jen said...

Good for you!! I too always fill the need to justify myself in whatever conversation I am having. I am learning I can just say simply answer without a long and drawn out explanation. It's Not easy and it's something I have to work on all the time but I am trying!

Hope you feel better soon!! You poor thing, I just know it won't be long until you're back to your old self!!

MizFit said...

so glad you are placing on YER oxygen mask and then fretting about those around you.
important and empowering.