Thursday, March 24, 2011

Status update

Alright folks, I've been a bit sketchy on the details of my life as of late. I'm sure much of that has to do with me being sick with a fever AGAIN since last Wednesday night. I finally went to the doctor on Monday and was prescribed antibiotics to get over this (hopefully) once and for all.

I've had stress over the new job and stress about my younger sister's wedding. As in she didn't want to go through with it so I dropped everything to try to be a good friend and sister to help her through it. All that to have her ultimately decide to marry I'm anyway. Awesome.

And honestly? Things with my boyfriend and I (we live together for those that are new here) have been rocky. We had a HUGE fight right before I started the new job and while I can logically say that I understand why he said what he did, I'm just not back to trusting him fully again. No raised voices - just words that hurt more than I thought they could. Our therapist is getting paid well thankyouverymuch.

My grandmother is literally on her death bed and I get text updates from my dad about how she's battling breathing on the respirator and how her right lung is almost completed filled with fluid, despite the drugs they have her on. She's got dementia so when they can rouse her enough to get her to open her eyes, they can't get her to understand that they need her to cough so the pneumonia doesn't spread further. According to my dad, she won't recover and will likely die this weekend. I thought I was prepared for this, but I cried a few times today - which kind of surprised me actually.

It ain't pretty, but it is my life as I know it currently.

All of this and you would think that my eating would be completely out of whack. Well, for the first time in decades (okay, I'm only 33), I can say that you'd be wrong. Somehow feeling like I've lost control in every way in my life (yes I know I never had control in the first place) maybe has made it easier to assess one small thing at a time, like how I'm eating, what I'm eating, or what I'm drinking. I'm proud to say that I'm down 6 pounds from when all this hoopla started.

The delicious coffee-ish sugary drinks that are free at work are now a thing of the past. I get lots of fiber in my diet due to whole grains, veggies, and fruit. I eat portioned meals each day and don't have dessert each night unless I'm really wanting it.

And you know what? I feel great - much better than how I remember feeling when I wasn't eating as well. Next up? The exercise piece. The upper respiratory infection put running on hold for a while, but not for much longer.

So no, I'm not posting like crazy, but I am still here, still on this journey with you... Even if it feels like I'm more distant.

Is here where I say "it's not you, it's me"?


Lyn said...

Ugh, I am so sorry :( I hope you find peace in all of this, somehow. You are doing something really amazing for yourself by not letting it all turn into a big food fest. Hugs and I hope things get better for you.

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Oh my goodness, you are going through a lot of stuff right now. You poor woman! I am beyond impressed that you are taking care of yourself so well in all this turmoil - really, really great.

No matter what, you're gonna be okay - keep going, sister!


Miss Pudding said...

That sounds like rough week. You're doing really good for all that you're going through. Good job, Anne!

Hope you feel better soon.

Miz said...

long and rough week.

hang in there and make TAKE time for you to heal.


Karen@WaistingTime said...

I'm sorry there is so much going on for you right now. Hugs.

Katy said...

no good very bad week. I hope things are getting better. Thinking of you :)

Kelly White said...

Stand tall like a mountain and the world will admire your awesomeness!

Jackie said...

Oh, sweet Fun Pants, you have a lot going on right now. First of all, do take care of you and I hope you get well fast. This dry winter has created lots of upper respiratory problems for folks in CO. When it comes to losing a loved one, no matter how prepared the mind is to let go, the heart is never ready. I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. You're clearly a strong woman and seem to be handling everything, including your health and fitness, with command and strength. Bless your heart. You inspire me more than you know. Let's hope for a ray of joy for you're due.

Lily Fluffbottom said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. Losing people you love is always difficult, and it never gets any easier. I know thats not terribly comforting, but even though they pass on, you're still breathing, so you gotta keep living.

I'm very happy to hear that in spite of all your hardships right now, you're staying on track. It gives me hope, knowing that there is someone else out there who has to consciously make the decision to take care of themselves despite the obstacles. You're quite the inspiration.

Things'll get better. They always do. :)

Lanie Painie said...

I wish I could fix everything for you.

Sam said...

My thoughts are with you friend! I'm sorry for the hard things you are experiencing right now. But remember that it's the pressure on our lives that make us strong - even if it's hard! I'm so proud of you for the way you are handling it with your food. You are finding inner strength, and you are finding control! Much love an hugs coming your way...


kristi said...

I'm so sorry to hear about all you have going on right now. That is a lot for one person to deal with! Hang in there... plenty of hugs. You can always lie on my couch if you need to vent or chat :)

Janell said...

Wow, this is some serious suffering going on in your life.
I hope G-ma has moved on to a better place and is not suffering or your dad for that matter.
This is the stuff of life, right?!