Do you believe?

The topic at my Weight Watcher meeting last night was belief.

As in, the popular quote from Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

I know what my leader was trying to do.  She was trying to get us to harness the Jennifer Hudson or Charles Barkley in all of us...she was trying to help us see that with belief we can do anything!

Only that's not really true, is it?

A 17 year old can believe and harness the power of the universe to get a perfect score on her SATs.  But unless she actually studies and learns the material, she's going to be sorely disappointed with the results.

My point is, the universe and belief can only do so much.  The rest?  It's hard work.

When I joined Weight Watchers in July of 2008, I was emotionally overeating often.  I couldn't stop gaining weight and I felt helpless. 

I changed my behaviors such that I could lose weight.  I monitored every morsel of food that went in my mouth and there were definitely days, weeks, and months where I chose unhealthier options to eat just because they were lower in points.

And then I started to get to a place where I felt good about myself.  I started dating. And then all of my hard work went out the window.

Why? Because my belief system about myself was screwed up.  I hadn't really changed my identity, just my behaviors.

I've been slowly gaining weight for the last year and a half. 

AND I've been working on my own internal belief system.

The result is that I'm heavier but happier.  And while I'd probably take me now over me a year and a half ago, I'm really unsatisfied with how I look, how I move, and how healthy I feel.

Encased in this layer of fat, it's easy for me to look in the mirror and feel discouraged.  I have over 90 pounds to lose.  That's the weight of an Olsen twin!

It feels daunting.  It feels discouraging.

The difference is that this time I do believe that I have cleared enough emotional baggage that I can make it farther than I ever have before.

So all that's left is the doing.

Do I believe that I can keep this weight off for the rest of my life?  No.  But I don't not not believe it either...make sense?

And at this point, I need to just do the work.  I need to count up my points, hold myself accountable, and actually move my body.

I'm a realist.  And one of the biggest motivating factors for me is success.  Because when I succeed, I feel like that's applicable again and again.

I may not believe (yet) that I can keep the weight off for the rest of my life.  But I believe that I have the skills to take off the weight.

What's more, I believe that I'm finally worth it.