4.73

When I first started my healthier kick in July of 2008, I focused almost completely on diet. In September I decided to add cardio to the mix. A couple of months later, I added strength training in - mostly in the form of free weights added to cardio. Then came the 8 weeks where I couldn't work out at all (doctor's orders) and I slowly had to ramp everything back up again when I was cleared. I'm now working out several days a week and I'm trying to alternate between cardio and weight/strength training.

Last night was a cardio night...and despite being on the elliptical next to a guy with HORRENDOUS body odor, it was pleasant.

I play a little game most times when I work out. And it is this: make the calorie counter go to 100 every 7.5 minutes. The machines that I work out on are ones where you enter your weight and age into it prior to starting the work out. So as I've dropped weight it gets harder to reach the 100 calorie benchmark every 7.5 minutes...which means I have to move faster or raise the resistance. I already work out using intervals - alternating between low crossramp and resistance and then higher ones. To burn the necessary calories, I typically have to be at 174+ steps/minute for the lower resistance intervals and 155+ for the higher resistance intervals. I love this game most of the time.

I don't kill myself with it. My deal with myself is: work out for at least 20 minutes. As it gets closer to the 20 minute mark, I usually talk myself up to 30 and then progressively more. Once I hit 48 minutes, I'm dedicated to working out for the full hour. But usually by this time, I can't keep up with the 100 calories per time period...I've usually decreased the resistance and crossramp on one of the intervals. I've only worked out for the full hour a handful of times. Because my other deal with myself is stop when it is no longer fun (after the 20 minutes). If I make myself work out past the point of fun, it feels like a chore. And I am doing this for my mental health just as much as I am for the physical health.

Last night I decreased the intervals for a total of 4 minutes...but then ramped right back up. My calorie counter reached 800 by the end of the hour and I was SO proud of myself...because that IS 100 calories every 7.5 minutes.

I usually don't focus on the distance part of it - mostly because it doesn't move fast enough to be motivating. But last night, when I was done, I checked it. 4.73 miles.

I know, ellipticals don't really match up in running miles (like how the treadmill does). I use it because my knees are a constant source of pain when running. I'm hoping to drop another 35 pounds and then start running for real. Training for a half or full marathon sounds like fun.

Even though I know that I couldn't run (outside or on a treadmill) 4.73 miles in an hour now, I'm pretty proud of what that means for me now: I'm getting healthier.

I am really proud of myself.

Just what I needed

So I've been having a problem with consistency as of late. Like my weight loss will be down three weeks in a row and then up. And no, it's not because of a monthly thing...

I think it's because the novelty of WW has worn off. I mean, I've been at it since mid-July. And, although I'm proud of my weight loss to date, I'm getting a little bored. I've now been on it longer than I have been "on" any new diet. And I have to say, I'm pretty happy that there are some things that are becoming routine. I find that when I focus on my health and not just the pounds, that I feel better, I do better, and I am better. The weight loss follows. These changes are becoming more "normal" and I'm finding that I'm adjusting to the concept that this whole eating healthier... welll, it gets me feeling healthier. And I want to feel that way for the rest of my life. So returning to old habits isn't a good idea. Although I'm proud of that, I'm finding that the jump between 40 and 45 doesn't seem as big of a deal as the jump between 0 and 5. Am I right or am I right? The novelty has worn off...even if only a tad. Plus, being 45 pounds down has given me lots of compliments...and I'm feeling pretty good. I no longer wear any LB clothes and even fit into a size MEDIUM shirt at the Gap. Alright, it must've been a wonky medium because I don't fit in any other mediums...but I'm still claiming it as fantastic. These are great accomplishments and are the little successes that are keeping me going, even if it's at a slower pace than what it used to be.

Having said that, it's always great to work towards a goal. I'm not even half way to mine and find that mini-goals along the way help out a ton - as does accountability.

Late last year, I joined the Christmas Challenge that Chubby Chick hosted. It was great and kept me on track...or at least was an added bonus of something I got to do on Monday nights after my meeting. :) Plus, I met people like Dave through it (and from him I got to meet a lot of other weight loss bloggers!) - win, win! :)

Anyway, she just started a new challenge...one for between now and the 4th of July. You can sign up at any time and can update at any time. I am excited to work towards a goal...and am glad that she hosts these. You get to set your own goal...and they just ask that you post weekly to talk about how you did. I saw a lot of people choosing 40 pounds (because there is 20 weeks between the start and finish of the challenge). Two pounds a week would be lovely, but I don't think that I could keep up with that. So instead, I'm going for 35....which I think is doable.

Join me if you'd like...it's fun! :)

Shrinking body

It seemed like for awhile, I was losing weight, but my body wasn't actually decreasing in size - or at least not markedly. Today I was getting dressed for work and tried on three different pairs of pants and found that they look so. very. bulky. Like I need to not ever wear them again.

I don't know when that happened - but I do know that two months ago, these pants were too tight...and now, they're too loose. I lost some prime pants wearing time because I thought for a long while that the pants would still be too tight...and now I really can't wear them.

I've had two co-workers come up to me yesterday and say that they can really tell that I'm dropping weight all of the sudden. And I'm with them - I haven't really been able to tell much of a difference in the past two months...until the last week. And now I've realized that I'm shrinking.

Why am I writing about this? No...it's not to brag. It's actually because I'm trying to remember that I'm still me. I'm happy that I'm dropping weight - that the outside of my body is starting to reflect my inside changes. But it's also a little scary. And I'm not quite sure why...other than that these big jumps - or perceived big jumps - in the way I look means that I need to re-evaluate what I look like. And every time I go through that realization, I have to remember that it's still me. I'm still the same person. I'm still funny. I'm still smart. I'm just shrinking.

Has anyone else had this issue? Has anyone else had this need for re-evaluation as they've lost weight - almost a confirming of yourself?

So there's that...

Alright. So I gained last week. I gained a lot. Like the woman at the counter was all "I think that I put something in wrong because this can't be right." In my defense, I was wearing jeans that were a MUCH heavier weight than what I typically do AND since it was snowing and my pants were big, I ended up having snow/water on my jeans.

Having said that, I've done a pretty good job this week. I've lost almost all of the weight that I gained (by rough calculations) last week...

MORE importantly, I have been good to myself. I was so sick this week that I even lost my voice (something that people have been praying for for years!) on Wednesday. Instead of plowing through it, I took the day off and slept.

I felt so much better, that I went skiing yesterday with my friend Kelly. We had planned this for over a month and I was looking forward to it so much! It didn't even occur to me until Friday night to look for my ski wear. I literally tore apart my room trying to find the long underwear and ski bibs! Then when I found them, I was SO scared that they wouldn't fit. And thankfully they did. I would've had to buy a new coat, new long underwear, and new ski bibs if I would've done this last year. I was so proud of all of the hard work that I did to get me to that place.

We had a great time and I have that great post-work out soreness. I'm going skiing later this month with a friend and my goal is to do a lot more lunges and dips in the next few weeks so that I won't be so sore next time.

I feel good.

I feel healthier.

And that is a great change to where I was last week.

Sick of it...

I'm sick.

And I've also been on three really crappy dates. I would say four, but technically getting kissed made it a non-crappy date. And I've just been stressed at work.

All of those things added up means that I am not taking care of myself - subconsciously I've been turning to food.

This week's number at the scale is going to be big...a lot bigger than what I'd like.

I actually ended up losing 3.2 pounds this past week...and I know I went over points every day last week. I was already expecting a gain for this week - but my complete abandon for WW and it's points targets WILL make a huge difference on the scale.

And I feel crappy. Crappy because I'm sick, crappy because I'm discouraged about dating, crappy because I'm eating crappy foods, crappy because I haven't worked out (working out before the dates means I'd have to shower as well, working out afterwards isn't really an option...beer/food sloshing around without having time to digest might be ugly at work).

But basically, this week has taught me that I, yet again, need to concentrate on how I got this way. That taking care of me and listening to my body's needs is important.

I'll do better. I guess I just need to learn it or re-learn it on a weekly basis...and that in itself is a frustrating thing.

Going down...

This past month, I have been up, down, up, down, down, up, and then down again.

Last week I ended up gaining 2.2 pounds and this past week I lost 1.6. The end result is that I'm 4 pounds down in the past month, which is good. But I guess I'd rather do little losses than this pendulum swing.

I do feel like I will do fine this week - even though I'm going out of town and likely won't have much control over planning meals, etc. I'm not sure what the plan is for basically anything other than that my friends will pick me up from the airport and hopefully get me back to the airport. Other than that, I don't know what is going to happen. BUT I am going to be with two great girls who I know love me and want me to succeed. So I know that they will be as adaptable as they can be so I feel like I can be on program this week.

And that's basically all I want...for the trend to continue downward. To live my life and be healthier even in travel.

Running on all cylinders

Today I had a great day at the gym. :)

My philosophy when working out is this: Do it as long as you enjoy it.

I figure that there are so many other things that I HAVE to do in life. Working out is one of those things that I get to do in life. I get to release my stress. I get to focus on me. I get to pick the music. I get to celebrate life by being able to move. I get to show thanks for my own health by using my body in a good way. I get to show love to myself by taking care of myself. Hell, I even get to forget the combination to my lock.

So when I'm working out, I use it as a getaway - as a thing that I do, just for me. I never wear make-up at the gym...or at least not fresh make-up (if I'm working out at the end of the day I still have whatever I slapped on my face at 5:30 AM). I don't even compare myself to others. I'm not self-conscious. I'm celebrating me. And I don't really care who is watching.

I get up on the elliptical, press play on my iPod, and just run. Sure, I try to hit 100 calories burned for every 7.5 minutes. I try to keep my steps per minute up and I make it to at least 20 minutes. But if I'm feeling horrible, I stop. Because some days it feels like too much work. Some days I'm exhausted and I just don't have it in me to get past 20 minutes. On those days, I get off the machine and I go home. If I'm feeling great or like I am still stressed out, I keep going. Sometimes it's a song that keeps me going. Sometimes it's my anger towards how I've let other people treat me. And sometimes there are days like today.

Today I rocked it. I felt great. I passed the 20 minute mark easily. I sweated my little heart out because it felt great...or mostly great. I decresed my crossramp and resistance when I had a stitch in my side and then ramped it back up when it was gone.

I was on the elliptical for the full hour. THE FULL HOUR! It may not sound like a lot to you gym rats out there, but I can't remember a time when I burned 783 calories in 60 minutes.

I felt wonderful when I left. Full of life and proud of what I had just accomplished.

Tomorrow the scale will undoubtedly show a gain at my WW meeting because I chose to celebrate with friends via food pretty much all this past week. BUT I am getting healthier. Today was proof.

P.S. So here's some background about me. I used to be an engineer for GM. And I still don't know crap about cars. No really. First, it's not THAT big of a deal. The primary place I worked at GM was in their paint department - so my focus was on making sure that the machines that painted the cars were functioning - I wasn't actually in charge or even dealing with designing the vehicles. I'd like to say that I know everything about cars, but at the end of the day, the truth about my life is this: I'm still a chick that had a dad (and I didn't have an uncle or close family relatives living nearby) that didn't want to teach me jack crap about cars. Also, I was a nerd so I was busy taking classes about calculus and didn't get to know anything about cars.

So when I say I was running on all cylinders today, I am assuming that that is a good thing. OH MY GOSH I can't believe it took me that long to set up this blog title.

Alright, so if running on all cylinders is a good thing, then I am definitely using the right analogy. Or is it simile? UGH. Forget it.

Dreading tomorrow night

I don't even want to THINK about the number that will be on that scale.

All I can say is that I've really enjoyed myself this week. Too many drinks, too much fried food, too many trips to Old Chicago, and too many burgers...all make Anne a slightly bigger person than last week.

I've been on plan today, but eesh...tomorrow will be ugly. :(

New Goal

Tonight at WW, my leader suggested that we come up with new goals...but she cautioned us to not come up with weight (i.e. numbers) goals. And to be honest, I had (and am still having) a hard time with that.

I'd love to say that I'm driven by generalities, but I'm not. I'm the person who loves to do eTools online because it allows me to check off things and get a smiley. I make lists for the sole reason to be able to check the completed items off of it. So making a general goal of "to fit in a smaller size" or "to be more active" wasn't going to cut it.

I actually stayed after my meeting to talk with my leader. She is an amazing woman and someone that I really look up to. Not just because she used to be a big girl, lost weight, and has kept it off for four years. Not just because she does marathons. But because she challenges me - and keeps me accountable. Tonight we went through a habits profile- which was pretty much a way to figure out what habits you struggle with - what ones are keeping you from your goals.

My habit that I need to work on is "managing feelings" and anyone who's read either of my blogs can tell you that this is no shocker. I've had a hard time managing feelings for a long time - and I bet if I graphed how I feel emotionally with what I weigh, you'd see that in times of stress, I get bigger.

So my leader suggested the goal of becoming conscious of those feelings that urge me to eat. I'll be honest - I'm halfway there I think. Because when I recognize that I am eating emotionally, I'm usually pretty quick to stop it. I also have been trying to do things to keep me from getting to that emotional eating place...but sometimes I bet I'm not even aware of what I'm doing. So this next month I'm going to try to be conscientious of WHY I'm eating.

In other news, I surpassed my 40 pound milestone. I wanted to be down 50 by the time I got back from a trip I'm taking in a few weeks, but I don't think that's going to happen. :) So I'm just going to concentrate on being healthy. I am looking forward to that next washer on my keychain that designates that I am down 50 pounds. For those that don't know WW has started giving washers out to those that have lost increments of 25 pounds...and I'm excited to have 4 of them by the time all of this is done.

The last bit of great news I want to share is that I'm now a shopper at the GAP. Trying on those jeans 2 weeks ago was a reminder that I should try shopping at some of the "normal" stores...and I'm thrilled to say that I'm fitting nicely into some great jeans, slacks, and tops. There are so many more cute tops than what there are in plus size stores! :) Shopping there was definitely a boost to my self esteem and I had a great time walking around the mall with my GAP bag versus the LB bag. I'm going to take my friend Kris' suggestion and try to consign the clothing rather than giving it to Goodwill. The clothes that do not sell I will donate. I have a huge pile to donate/sell but for some reason am having a hard time letting it go. Does anyone have suggestions on how to let go of the oversized clothing?

El Paso Weigh In

I just came back from weighing in while on vacation in El Paso... and I miss my leader. :)

I decided not to stay for the meeting because the leader here was CRAZY. Apparently there is a rule that you can't take off your shoes for weigh-in. Even with my shoes on, I lost 1 pound. I came home and we weighed my shoes and they were 22 oz...which I am estimating at 1.4 pounds. So 2.4 pounds gone this week is fantastic.

What's more is that I had a goal that I wanted to be down 40 pounds by Christmas...and I think 39.6 is pretty darn close... plus, technically Christmas is Thursday...and I could lose 0.4 pounds by then. :)

Now, I could go into a lot of reasons about how I'm not sure that the 2.4 is accurate - mostly because I didn't eat much today...but my sister told me to just take the loss and be happy with it. So I am.