An open letter to the bagels in the kitchen

Dear Einstein Bros. Bagels in the kitchen,

I will not be eating one of you today.

Yes, you are still my very favorite morning treat.

But the thing is, I really want to lose weight this week...and the way I like to enjoy you is toasted and with large dallops of cream cheese - you know, the stuff in the tubs right beside you? Yeah, that combination is 13 points...almost half of what my daily points allowance is.

Yes, I do have flex points left...but that's not the issue.

The point is, I don't really want you today. At least not the taste of you... I'm feeling rejected this morning. I'm feeling stressed. And inside my crazy head, I think you will make things better.

But we both know you won't.

So I'm not going to be eating one of you today.

Much love,
Anne

The most important week of the year

My workplace has this joke at the expense of upper management. The idea of the joke is that no one cares about what you did last week - it's THIS week that is the most important one. And that's how I feel about this week.

Basically, this week is a big one. First, it's my birthday in this week - and I want to prove to myself that birthdays do not have to be a big excuse to absolutely throw everything you've learned out the window. Second, if I follow the plan, I will be past my halfway point (of pounds lost versus needed to lose) next week - and that is a huge milestone. Lastly, because of my consistency issue, this week is my chance to lose three weeks in a row. As you can see from my ACTUAL chart below (where each data point is a weekly weigh in), I've been losing two weeks and then gaining one week for the past SEVERAL months. This particular graph was done from my start (mid July last year) to my birthday..and as you can tell, I've had a rocky road the last couple of months.
In case you're wondering, the black line is my trend line via Excel. I do that so that when I'm at the beginning of the data on the graph, I can see where I would be weeks or even months down the road if I keep up at the current pace. It changes with each data point I put in and as you can see, turned out to be pretty accurate. It's actually pretty motivational too. :)

Anyway, my point is, this week is my chance to accomplish three goals at once. And the thing is? I really want to do it for myself.

So this week? Yeah, it's the most important week of the year. :)

Prepare yourself...I'm about to brag. :)

I am so proud of myself! :)

Today I participated in the Cherry Creek Sneak, which is either a 5K or a 5 mile run depending on what you want to do. I did it with my friend, Kelly, who was okay with walking pretty much the whole thing. I feel okay because I know that if my knees were doing better, I would've run the whole thing. So next year? Watch out, baby! :)

Because parking was absolutely nuts, I had to walk quite a ways just to get to the start of the race (which is why my total on the right is almost 4 miles). And even though it says my average pace was about 15 minutes/mile, that's not bad because there were times when we had to walk so slow because SLOOOOOOOOOW people were in front of us. There's nothing wrong with slow people...I just don't want to be behind them. This is why I can't stand shopping malls, especially around Christmas.

And here I am looking WAAAAAAAY thinner than what I was a year ago.

My friend Kris told me to check out pictures when I get discouraged...and she's right - I really have come a long way. :) To give you an example, here I was a little over a year ago:

Consistency

So I feel like I've been blogging about this a lot...but it's been on my mind a lot.

I need to work on consistency. Mostly because it's maintainable.

I went on a friends blog and totally commented about how any weight loss plan has to be liveable. But what I've been doing is not really healthy even if I am living it.

Let me back up. I lost a lot of weight in 2001 through WW. I did it the unhealthy way. I didn't really date so I just ate pretty much the exact same thing for 5 months. And if I was hungry and had seven points left? I ate seven points of carbs and gave no thought to healthy guidlines or what my body actually might've needed at the time. It is no wonder that the weight came back on. I tried WW several times since then, but my heart was never in it. I wanted to lose weight, but I didn't want to change anything that I was doing. Go figure, I wasn't successful.

But in the middle of July last year, I decided that I had a serious problem. I knew that I needed change.

It's 9 months later and I'm proud to say that I stick with the plan most days...I had a loss EVERY WEEK for the first 5 months. And then? Then I started dating. Then I got comfortable and decided that counting my points wasn't all that hard - why, I may be able to count them in my head! Since then, I've been losing for a few weeks (usually only 2 or 3) and then I'll have a big gain. I'll lose for a couple more weeks and have a big gain. Since December 1st, I've lost like 16 pounds...but it's been like a Colorado mountain range to get there.

I lost weight last week and I know because my eating has been on point this week, that I'll lose weight this week.

But I don't want to lose focus on how I need to maintain a level of consistency. Not only will I get to my goal faster, but I'll have practiced how to be healthy on a regular basis. After I get to my goal, I need to continue focus on living a life that IS liveable. And an on/off mentality is not healthy, it is not consistent and if I don't watch it, the weight will come back on.

I know that my head is in a better place than it was back in 2001. And I have a "bigger picture" idea of how to continue. I only stayed on WW before for 5 months. And if I gained any week, it was like the end of the world in how I reacted. This time around, I'm more kind to my body. And I'm more able to think that if it takes me two years to lose the weight, who cares? As long as I learn how to live my life and still lose or maintain, I will be successful.

I guess I'm struggling. Because part of me wonders whether I CAN be successful. So I'm trying to think of any and all potholes on the road to being healthy that I can avoid. I know that consistency has got to be a key skill...and I see that that's a deficiency in my life right now. So maybe rather than try to identify all other potential obstacles, perhaps I'll focus on this one right now.

(sigh)

Doctor's visit...

Today I go to the doctor to (hopefully) find out what is going on with my knees.

I'm really hoping that she'll tell me that it's nothing and perhaps I just need to stretch more or warm up differently...but somehow I don't think that's going to be the case. :)

Maybe it's not so bad

On Friday we were in the middle of a blizzard here in Denver. So I opted to rent two movies - both of which I really liked and would recommend. They were "Milk" and "Seven Pounds." Needless to say, I might be careful about which audience I would recommend them to. :)

Anyway, tonight I decided to return said movies on time. People, this is a rarity.

So I walked to the Blockbuster...and although I don't know how far away the thing is, I decided to walk knowing that it wasn't far and I could probably walk it without my knee hurting.

And you know what? It was still exercise and it wasn't so bad. I felt a little better about my health and didn't feel as much despair about my knees.

And if Bonnie can get in 50 points of activity per week by walking, well then...so can I. 50 points of activity is huge....although I think I should tell you that she's walking about 40 miles a week. 40 MILES A WEEK!

(sigh)

So you'll see my little Nike Mini on my sidebar have mileage where the time per mile will be increasing...but so what? My knees are going to be here the rest of my life (I hope). The Nike+ stats won't.

I think that's called perspective. :)

I'm very bummed

Yesterday I was on the treadmill running and all of the sudden, my knee hurt REALLY badly....like my kneecap and the fluid behind it. I've been careful to warm up and stretch, but apparently yesterday it was just too much.

And I am so very bummed.

I'm bummed that for the first time, my body can't do really what I want it to do.

I'm telling myself that after I lose another 25 pounds, I'll try it again. And I'm trying to tell myself that I should be happy to just be able to move my body - and that walking is okay too. The thing is, whatever I did to hurt it was significant enough that stairs are hurting it.

I know, I know. I'll go see a doctor for sure...but I did some preliminary checking and it seems like the injury that I have is one that could definitely heal with time.

It's just that my very first 5K was supposed to be this coming weekend, one week from today. And it's that I've been training for it and that I know that I could run the whole thing. I even have a buddy to run with...

(sigh)

So I'm bummed. And I'm going to try to figure out what I can do to challenge me - even if it's just walking. My blogging friend, Bonnie, challenges herself with a pedometer. And that would probably be a good thing to do...even if it means an upgrade to a pedometer.

I'm trying to remember that I done LOTS of somethings positive for my body. The weight that I have lost so far is definitely helping my knees - and so I guess I'm glad that I started when I did...or else it would've been worse by now.

But for now, I'm just frustrated.

Day 2

Is it just me or is the first day after a bunch of poor eating days the hardest? Seriously, after I come off of not making the wisest choices, I struggle that next day. I struggle with portion size, I struggle with making better choices, and I struggle to stay within my points range.

Well yesterday, I did it. I ate within my range - and when I recognized that I was still REALLY hungry with only 4 points left in the day, I ate the stuff that gave me the most filling foods for those 4 points.

Today I feel better. In fact, our work catered in lunch from Jimmy John's. Their food is sooo tasty (or so I think). But each and every sandwich has at least 13 points. So while all the other guys were just circling what they wanted on the menu, I asked for one without mayo, extra veggies, and vinagrette on the side. I made it into an 8 point sandwich and then only ate half.

I feel great about my choices.

I know I've said this before, but for the first 5 months, the choices were SO easy for me to make. These days, as "real" life has set in, I find it a little more difficult sometimes. I would've been much more tempted to scratch it and order "The Vito" from Jimmy John's...but since I had one "clean" day under my belt, I went with it.

It's a small victory, sure. But it's still a victory.

This morning the scale said I've lost half of what I gained last week...and that is progress, no matter how you count it.

A constant struggle

Okay people. You might have noticed that my ticker made a GIANT step in the wrong direction this past week. I gained a bunch. A bunch of a bunch.

And I'm not shocked. First, I lost over 9 pounds in two weeks. Who does that in month 9 of their weight loss? Yeah - it might not have been the correct weight that second week.

Secondly, I ate like a FREAK last week. So go figure. I own this weight loss.

The thing is, I'm not doing great so far this week. I haven't eaten all of my extra points...but HOLY CRAP it's getting close! And I'm only on Tuesday.

The thing is, I want to be healthier. It's time to grow up and deal with stress in a good way, in a healthy way. I am not living that life right now.

So...this week, I'm going to brush off the ol' phone, my private blog, and even a handwritten journal. I'm making a conscious decision to stop the record that's been playing in my head...you know, that one that tells you that since you haven't ever stayed successful, you might as well give up and have a cookie now.

I hate that record.

I'm struggling. But I'm not defeated. And that is the difference between all the "other" times and now - aka the rest of my life.

I'm not a quitter.

So Happy Together!

So, last Tuesday I went for a run around the trails by my house. I've realized that I LOVE running outside - it's such a great way to balance my mind and my spirit. But running longer distances multiple days in a row is messing with my knees.

I plan on going to MizFit's blog today to research what I can do about that - stretch more or excercises that I can do to strengthen the muscles and tendons surrounding my knee.

Anyway, I opted to be kind to my body and take the next few days off...until Saturday morning when I found myself wide awake at 7 AM. I opted to go for a run...only I couldn't find my iPod or my Nike+ system. I *thought* about running without it, but then I realized that I REEEEEEALLY wanted to use it.

So I tore apart my house trying to find said nifty gadget.

After 30 minutes, I realized that I had wasted enough time on my stupidity and opted to do Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred...LEVEL 2 (as punishment for not finding my iPod). And all I have to say is that I am still in bad shape. Seriously. WHO GETS IN A PUSHUP POSITION AND THEN JUMPS THEIR FEET AROUND? SATAN. That's who.

Anyway, I was determined to find it because I really wanted to go on a run today at lunch...so I looked and looked and looked. And I found it!

Underneath my gym bag.

My friend's joke was, "Hey Anne. If you find yourself losing your keys, next time try looking under your car."

(sigh)

So after I get done hiding his body tonight, I'm going to sync my run and then put up my cute little MINI from Nike+ - just like Bonnie's. :)

Run #2

Today I was exhausted...but I made sure to beat my old distance...if only by a little :) The pace today was at 10'38" per mile...but I left out my warm up period, so I'm probably at the same pace in actuality. Because I left out the warm up, I actually exercised for longer...but I'm happy anyway. :)

My first run with Nike+

I know...I know. I am a dork.

But I was so happy to run tonight that I literally couldn't wait to get on the treadmill! I'm looking forward to running outside...but tonight it was snowing and hailing...and honestly, I'm not that hard core of a runner. :)

I was so glad that I had this tool because today for the first time I hit the "emergency stop" button instead of the one to decrease the speed halfway through my workout! I was shocked because it just stopped and I had no idea that I had hit the wrong button at first! I was so bummed because evidence of my hard work looked like it was down the drain. But then I remembered that I had the Nike + to track it and I was way less bummed. The huge dip at the end was because I stopped my workout at 2 miles and forgot to hit the pause button to end the workout. Oops. :)

Honestly, I'm thrilled about running 2 miles straight. My pace, being just under 11 minutes per mile is not great by any means.

But it's a start. And I am THRILLED that I did as well as I did. I'm carrying around a lot of extra weight, folks - and I can't wait to see what I can do as I get healthier.

Yay me. :)

Better

I had a good week this past week. When I say "good," I'm referring to the healthy steps that I took for my own body. I'm referring to the talk that I had with the BF where I explained my needs, I'm referring to the accountability that I had to track every single thing that I put in my mouth, and I'm referring to me being kind to myself.

The scale results? I lost the weight that I had gained at the meeting before and a little more.

One of the things that I realized about myself is that 50 pounds is a huge milestone for me. Although I'm proud of the 50, I recognize that I still have a long way to go. I'm excited to go all that distance and I know that I can. But I also realize that getting yet another gold "5" star to put on my bookmark isn't quite the motivation that it used to be.

I've been getting into running...and with the weather being better lately, I've started to run outside. Right now I'm only running a couple of miles at a time, but I am looking forward to building on that - running faster or longer. And that is my new motivation.

Today I purchased the whole Nike+ system. I've been reading about it for many months through other bloggers and realized that this would be just the tool that I needed to keep my butt in gear. I bought it at a discounted price on Craigslist today at lunch and I am SO VERY EXCITED to see how it works. :) So, even though I have all of my running clothes with me at work today, I'm going to stop off at home, sync my iPod and log my first run. I can't wait to post the results! :)

The fact that I'm super excited to use this helps me know that I'm on the right track.

My friend, Denver Kelly, and I even signed up for a local 5K race later this month - and I know that it will be fantastic!

So all in all, I'm much more optimistic. I feel like I passed one of the many hurdles that has kept me fat all of these years...and I'm ready to pick myself up and keep at it. I've been screwing around at the 45-50 pound mark for months.

I feel like I'm done with stalling. I'm ready to run.