Thursday, February 4, 2010

My brain is full

My brain is full.

That's the only way that I can even think to explain my life at the moment. I have so many things to think about and to process that I can't even begin to write about all of them - the task seems too daunting.

So I'll sum up.

1) The work that I'm doing with my therapist is good. Really good. But OH BOY is it hard.

2) Stuff with Joe is going really well. We're starting to spend more nights together throughout the week and I'm so happy that our lives seem to be meshing naturally. Part of me is a little scared though - I mean, what if this actually does work out? Fear of success creeps up on me apparently.

3) I met with an old college friend last night for dinner. In our conversations, she told me that I made this huge difference in her life and I didn't know what to say. Part of me feels like the person that I was back then is not so much of who I am now. I know that changing throughout the course of your life is natural, but I also feel like sometimes I wonder if I've changed in the best way possible.

4) My workplace was visited again by our VP and the HR manager on Tuesday. A few of us were selected to work out of a sister company's extra cubicles. The way they handled the entire situation completely sucks and it just left me feeling sad. Many great people were laid off and I guess I'm having a serious case of "survivor's guilt."

5) My eating has been pretty horrendous the last few days. Like I've eaten out each night as well as some lunches. I need to go to the store to get "good" things to eat for breakfast, but I've been so busy each night until almost midnight that I haven't stopped by the store. I've eaten like crap and I feel like crap. Part of me wants to say that I should make time to go to get good stuff at the store, but then I remember that in a little over a week I'll be gone for another week of training - and I don't want to buy a bunch of stuff that will just go bad.

6) I'm thinking about changing out my bedroom furniture. LONG story short, it's too big and too dark for my bedroom so it makes my bedroom feel REALLY tiny. I feel like if my bedroom is in order, my life feels more in I'm excited about buying some pieces from IKEA when I go to Houston in a few weeks. That means that I need to get my butt in gear now to sell my bedroom furniture on craigslist. That takes time. And wow, do I feel like I don't have much of it.

7) I have a busy weekend coming up and as excited as I am about some pieces, I really just feel like lounging around. I know that I'll have the opportunity to do that tomorrow night, but UGH I want to do that today.

SO basically, I could've had a separate post for each one of the items above. I feel better when I at least get out some of my thoughts on paper/screen so that they're not so jumbled in my head. Running also helps - and I've done that a few times this week already. I need to remember that in times of stress, running or some sort of exercise is more helpful than I remember at the moment. Even though I have a therapy session today after work, I am going to run or do some form of exercise tonight.

What about you - what do you do to be kind to yourself and help yourself relax in stressed times?


Margie M. said...

Survivor guilt is a good way of putting what you are probably feeling, re: your job. You must face it...YOU had nothing to do with who was laid off and who got to go to the other company and work. Sucks, for sure, those people were your friends and co-workers. They probably don't hold it against you.

IKEA rocks! We had their stuff in our house and it was great. Hope you find some neat bedroom furniture.

Stress eating is a problem for everyone, I think. Well, maybe not Superman...because he's "super" The best thing to do (IMHO) is just try to work your way through it with the least amount of damage to your weight. When I feel stressed or extra hungry some days, I give in to it and eat extra calories or WW points. I've learned to try and make those extra things a more healthy choice, rather than lots and lots of chocolate. LOL (sad but true) So, I'd eat a little extra helping of a healthy lunch or dinner. Just don't go hog wild with larger hamburgers and french fries. Let common sense be your guide and soon the stressful days will be behind you.

Have a safe trip!

Margie writes at:

Lisa said...

wow honey! talk about a lot of changes!
i think you hit the nail on the head..running is a good way to deal with stress.

i also like to cook. really big, complicated recipes. Ok honestly, not that complicated lol! but time consuming. For instance, chili. I find the measuring, chopping, timing, mixing, and tada! a creation helps me get my head out of the bad space, kills some time, helps me "be creative", and makes me not eat crap lol!

one step at a time!

Kellie said...

Survivor's guilt. I think that's exactly what it is. (((HUGS)))

Things will start gelling together again as soon as you get used to your new routine! I just know it!

You have so many changes in a short amount of time that there needs to be an adjustment period. kwim?