Another week off

Last Tuesday night, I was experiencing some HORRIBLE abdominal pain.  After taking a narcotic and 800 mg of Advil, I was still writhing in pain and Joe and I were minutes away from going to the ER to find out what was wrong. 

I had called my doctor earlier in the day with complaints of pain and he had his assistant call me back on Wednesday saying that pain is normal during this healing process...and that I shouldn't be alarmed.  I told the assistant what I had to take to make the pain go away and she said that I should mention that to the doctor when I saw him next.

In the middle of all of this, the case manager has been frustrated and indicating that she would turn down my claim to extend the leave unless I had a "real clinical reason to extend it this time."  I'm sorry... b!tch says WHAT?  Right, because the multiple infections and open wounds have been just FUN and not clinical issues...

This past weekend, I was talking with Joe and I said that I just didn't get the feeling that people understood that something was seriously wrong.  Sure, I had been on my period, but those weren't just normal cramps.  I mean, I had broken out in a sweat and was panting it hurt so badly!  I was crying and told him that I *knew* that I wasn't okay...and that I felt like people didn't get that or take me seriously...and that was so frustrating.  Especially this past weekend, I felt the anxiety and depression creep back up on me...which was doubly frustrating because I thought that I was done with all this crap.

So yesterday, I came in and explained to my doctor that although I was feeling better, I felt like something was significantly wrong.  He did a manual examination (hello, half his hand in my lady bits!) and then said that if it would make me feel better, I could get vaginal ultrasound.

Ah yes, vaginal ultrasounds always make a woman feel better - they're the gift that is truly memorable...perfect for Christmas, Valentine's Day, or even just to show that you're thinking about her.

So I get undressed again and while the tech is shoving this thing up my lady bits (which is still tender and healing) and then notes that I have an abnormally large cyst on my left ovary.

So probably that's what happened on Tuesday night - my cyst ruptured.

Truthfully, I felt good when she told me that that's what she was seeing - it means that the pain wasn't in my head and I felt vindicated that even though I've never had a cyst rupture before, I knew that something wasn't right in my body.

I've said it before, but this whole process helps me know that to be your own health advocate is a good thing.  I'm glad that I'd been practicing being in tune with my body for months before the surgery - because I believe that that has helped me to be alerted when things have gone awry.

So what now?  Well, I had to get up early to explain to my case manager (who seriously, sucks) that I would not be in for another week.  Truthfully?  I could've gone back to work today - I felt okay.  Maybe I was a bit sore from yesterdays manipulations, but I feel okay.  But the doctor said that I could take another week if I wanted it - and he encouraged me to try running and lifting and doing all the things that I had been doing for fun and enjoyment.

And...after bursting into tears for the umpteenth time yesterday (and for the third visit in a row), he offered me something he's offered the last two times.  "Are you sure you don't need something to relax?"

The sleepless nights and racing heart for the last few weeks came into my mind.  As did the almost constant worry.

So I took him up on his offer and went home with a prescription for 12 tiny little pills that I can take if things seem like too much on an as needed basis.  I feel better having them in my arsenal of things that I can do to calm myself or take care of myself.  I haven't taken one yet - and may never - but I feel so much better just for having access to them.

My eating has gone HORRIBLY down the tubes during the last week and a half.  I was doing great up until then - but not so swell since then. 

Today is a new day though - and for that, I'm thankful.

I feel validated, I feel proud, and I feel hopeful that the worst is (hopefully) behind me.