Friday, February 25, 2011

Jumping...





(source)
  
Today is my last day with the company that I've worked for for almost 4 years. 

I've had the above statement on this page for a few hours now and I still don't know how to finish this post.  I guess I have conflicting feelings about the end of anything.  And I have anxieties about new beginnings.

I realize that when I left my other jobs/companies, there was an overwhelming sense of dread about the job when I woke up each morning.  I had to get motivated to go to work and give a crap.

But this job?  It has a lot of perks - one of which that I'm able to blog from my desk while at work.  My boss is a moron, but he's a controllable moron.  And I've been the number one person in our business (in the nation) for three years now - bringing in almost $10 Million dollars annually.  Yes, that's right...Happy Fun Pants is pretty good at what she does.

I think I stayed too long with companies and positions that I grew out.  I waited until the job was almost unbearable before bailing.  And I don't feel that sense of desperation with this job.  In fact, I wasn't even really looking when the HR person approached me about this new position she had.

And this new company?  Well, it'll be more challenging.  They'll have different rules and cliques.  

I still think it's a good move - and I'm excited about the new opportunities.  So why am I not really wanting to go?

I think it's because when I joined this company 4 years ago, I was at my highest weight.  I was miserable.  I was in an unloving relationship with a guy that mentally and emotionally taxed me.  I had a mortgage and expenses that I couldn't pay.  I hated myself - really.  I wondered what happened to this vivacious and confident person that I pretended to be.

I switched from that to where I am now - all within the last four years.  I broke up with the boyfriend.  I sold my house in the 'burbs.  I bought a new row home in an urban neighborhood.  I gained a sense of trust in myself.  I started to love myself.    I lost 55 pounds.  I started running.  I met Joe.  I struggled through our relationship.  I had surgery.  I recovered.  I started to grow and stretch myself into being the best version of me possible.

The whole time, I've been supported and loved by the people here.  The whole time I succeeded greatly while here.  This company helped build my confidence in myself -professionally and personally.

It's hard to let this company go...because it's like saying goodbye to a security blanket.

I know that this jump will be a good move.  I know I'll be okay.  It'll probably be fun and exciting.

It's time to jump.  I've got a luncheon to go to in about 20 minutes and then I can leave.

So, here goes nothin'....

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8 Comments:

Gina said...

I'm sure it'll be a GREAT move for you. It'll help keep things challenging & you'll probably continue to push yourself personally too. I bet it was nice to reflect & can understand why you're a little bit wistful. Good Luck!

~ Darla ~ said...

You've been busy, Fun Pants. I bet the company you're at now doesn't want to lose you, but oh well. You will do great at your new job!

Ms. M said...

I think change is always hard - even when its a good change. Especially in a situation like this where you've grown in a positive way while being there. I'm sure GREAT things are in store for you at the new job! :)

Dawn said...

Bittersweet - a time of goodbyes and new beginnings...of closing doors and opening others. it will all be very exciting.
Good luck with the move
Dawn

Lily Fluffbottom said...

Don't forget to be awesome! Who am I kidding, you won't.

I wish you luck for your new endeavors, and I hope it is a positive experience for you.

Lucky girl said...

Wishing you luck at your new job!! I'm sure you will do great!!

Jackie said...

Change always has those moments of uncertainty - even when the change is our choice. You've accomplished A LOT in the last four years, professionally and personally, so you obviously know how to get things done. I always found it far easier to be the one leaving than the one left. I'm sure you will be missed and remembered fondly. Now new adventures await you - Smaller Fun Pants is moving up in the world. Really, I wish you the best in your new position. Jackie

Lanie Painie said...

Change is always hard. Who wouldn't have some trepidation in that situation?

I can't wait to hear all about your new job!