Big Heist, Big Payoff

You know those movies where they show burglars trying to get into the bank vault?

They inevitably have a stethoscope, some sort of lock picking set, and (of course) experience with picking locks. Usually there is some sort of sensitive time situation where the burglar is saying that he's almost got the lock unlocked...he's almost there. Just a few more seconds and then...payoff!

In the movie, you can hear the tumblers falling into place. It seems that the burglar can almost FEEL the lock coming open.

Well, it occurred to me this past week that that's kind of where I think I am when it comes to my relationship with food.

I'm armed with my stethoscope - which in my mind is my intuition - a very useful tool if only I listen to it. If and when I listen to my body, I'll be able to figure out what to eat, what it needs, what it craves, and how it feels when I'm hungry.

I'm armed with my lock picking tools - which in my mind are the books that I've read or plan on reading on this subject. They can or will help me figure out HOW to listen to my body. They will reinforce my healthy habits and my belief that food does not have to be something I stuff down without being mindful. In this batch of tools, there are also some distraction and coping techniques for when I'm craving food for emotional reasons.

I'm listening to my body. I'm listening to my heart. I'm learning that food can be something that is utilized simply for fuel. I'm learning that exercise can be done because it's fun and feels good rather than a way to punish myself for eating too much of something I "shouldn't have."

And you know what? I don't have that vault unlocked just yet. But I can feel that it's coming loose. I can almost hear the tumblers falling into place.

And just like the burglar in the movie, there are just a few more lessons I have to learn and then I get the big payoff. I get to be free of overeating foods until I'm stuffed. I get to be free of all of the emotions that come along with eating past the point of satiety. I get to be free of the shame, the guilt, and the passive act of violence against myself which IS what compulsive overeating is.

It also means that even if I find myself up against that locked vault again, I'll be able to know that because I've unlocked it once, I can do it again. As I practice picking that lock again and again, I'll have the experience to know what to do when in a high stress situation - be it moving, changing jobs, death of someone I love, getting married, having babies, or anything else life will bring.

The payoff? It's actually LIVING life.

So, in other words, I'm stealing my life back.