Friday, April 2, 2010

This, too, shall pass

My life has been consumed with packing and looking for houses.

So far, some of my stuff is packed and I have found 0 houses that I will place offers on.

It's discouraging. It's tiring.

And as excited as I was about living at Joe's for a while, reality has set in. At Joe's, there won't be any pictures of my family. I won't eat off the plates or drink from the glasses I'm used to. I won't have the laundry detergent that I like nor the soft sheets that I enjoy. At Joe's, I'll be either living out of a suitcase or maybe a drawer or two.

I may not get to watch the programs that I want to watch (he does play games that use the TV) or if I do it will be via hulu.com.

At Joe's I don't know where the can opener is - or hundreds of other little intricacies that make his place his.

I also don't know if I can answer the phone if it rings or if I should let it go to the answering machine. Do I cook dinner for both of us or just me? Do I have a say in who comes over or when he goes? Can I come and go as I please or should I check it by him?

Because I'm not living WITH Joe. He's being nice and I'm staying with him until I find a new place.

I suppose it's important to know the distinction - mostly because I work better with expectations.

For the record, he will probably be very accommodating, as will I. In fact, I can see it being a very polite arrangement until it isn't.

I'm not trying to borrow trouble, but I am being realistic in saying that his downtown loft of 1000 square feet (that he has filled to the max as it is) is going to be tight quarters. I know that we will be as polite as we can...and I also know that there will probably be a lot of blogging or running by me if things start to feel smothered.

It's a journey that we get to embark on...and one that I hope goes smoothly. The week and a half from when my house was on the market to when it was officially off the market, I spent 7 nights at his place without a problem. In fact, I think we both thought it was fun.

My hope is that we can approach this time in our lives with an optimistic attitude. With any luck, it'll go great. So great that when I find a place I love, he will move in with ME... and we'll try this whole moving in together for real - combining his stuff with mine.

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm anxious. And he's behaving in ways that he typically does when he's anxious. At first I wanted to tell myself that that was silly...I shouldn't be this anxious. Right? RIGHT? If I'm anxious does that mean that I'm about to make a big mistake? Well, does it? DOES IT? WHY AM I THIS ANXIOUS??!?!

But then a good friend today said "Look - this is a life changing event" and she's right. Because this? This could be a catalyst that breaks us up or ties us closer together.

It's okay to be anxious...in fact, I think it's natural. I'm 32 and have never lived with someone other than my family and a roommate for a short while at college. He's 43 and has never lived with someone else other than his family. Both of us have been on our own for decades. If we didn't feel aprehension, we'd be crazy.

No matter what, this next stage will be a significant part of our story.

I'm excited and a bit nervous.

It feels good to acknowledge my feelings. It feels good to know that when they get all jumbled up inside my head, such as they did earlier today, I can go on a run and it all seems to clear itself out.

It feels good to trust that this will work out.

My mom used to say, "This, too, shall pass" when we were kids and upset about something. And you know what? The longer I live, the more I realize that my mom is one smart cookie.

Whether this living together thing works or doesn't, it won't define my life or this relationship as a success or failure. It just is. And that is okay too.

4 Comments:

TinaM said...

It's ok to be anxious :) It think it's sweet :) If this is a relationship you think will last a long time, this is a good test...
Oh, and YES- you can and should answer his phone! :)
Good luck!!!

Misspudding said...

Good for you for recognizing the anxiety. Ugh, so stressful!!!

You can do it! Congrats!!! :)

Amy Pousson said...

Your mom is a smart cookie! I love "this, too shall pass." Another one (that I think might be helpful in your present situation) is to just take it "one day at a time." That one is always so hard for me, but I know I wind up feeling better when I only concentrate on this one day. Not worry about the future or dwell too much on the past, and just live right now.

All that, and communicate any expectations. No one can live up to expectations if they don't know what they are, right?

What an exciting time! Be sure to have fun and enjoy it!

Knitty said...

That all sounds very stressful; you have my sympathy and best wishes that things will work out as you hope.