Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Something happened this past week.

I gained.

Well, actually, I gained a few things. One is weight. The other is perspective.

See, I'm not quite sure what happened, but I guess my feelings these days are something akin to laziness...where I'm not devastated or thrilled with my life - I'm living somewhere in the middle. Things are fine. And when they're not, that's okay too.

Having lived my life in the valleys and peaks, it's a little weird to find myself on a plateau.

So, really, two things from this past week:
1) I gained weight although not a lot of it was due to emotionally eating. A lot of it was due to me simply having lost focus of what the goal was. The scale said last night at WW that I was up 3.2 pounds. And I have to say that I've had a lot of weeks where I *have* gained 3.2 pounds (or more) but last week was not one of those weeks. It might be water retention, might be any number of things...but I know that that number isn't accurate. One thing is for certain, that number will change this next week.
2) I wonder if this is how life is supposed to be. It's not that I'm devoid of emotion...it's that it's in perspective. The inner anxiety that I've felt for a long time is sort of gone right now.

In other news, I am excited because a book that I have been looking forward to getting finally arrived on my doorstep. It's Pema Chodron's "Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears."

My hope is that my calm state of mind will be exactly what I need to take in as much as possible from this book.

I'm excited about the changes that I'm certain WILL happen. It's just that my excitement is in a calm and balanced way now. Is it confidence? Is it trusting myself? Is it peace with others?

I don't know. One thing is for certain, it's a bit of alright.


POD said...

I am happy for you too. I just bought and started reading No Time To Loose. I'm more into the listening to her than reading her but I take time to read every evening.

Kris said...

I have noticed now that I am in therapy I have been gaining...up, up I go. Today I am still at my highest ever! I am thinking that maybe I am isolating, building a wall, adding some cushion against anything that may come up while in therapy. I am working through this, right now as a matter of fact. However, I am not giving up, maybe, soon, I will go down---after I peel away a layer of whatever comes next?!?! Thank you for all your posts----it feels nice to not feel alone.

Fat[free]Me said...

I think the gained perspective is far more important than the gained weight - what happens in the mind is far more useful long-term.

Anonymous said...

I hope this book helps!

yellowpeepers said...

This is Annie from WW. All I can say is "Wow!". I felt like I was reading something I could have written myself. You are so inspirational to me. When you were talking about how much you like your WW meeting it made me cry. I feel like Angela and the people in Monday night's meeting have been given to me as a special gift from the Universe, God, Spirit, or whatever you call your greater power, just because, it/he/she loves me. Thank you for sharing and being so insightful that I'm finally starting to believe the feelings and thoughts that have been spinning around in my head for about the last 30 years are not exclusive to me. I'm looking forward to getting more savvy about this whole blogging thing. See you tomorrow night! Annie