Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Building momentum

Probably one of my lowest moments in recent months was when I started really feeling apathetic towards my weight loss. I had maintained a 50-55 pound weight loss for a year...and I started to think that maybe that was good enough. Maybe this weight was where I was meant to be. Maybe being in size 16 jeans was as good as it got for me.

That's when I wrote the post about decadence and about how maybe me not doing as well in my eating was actually me trying to pamper myself. Since then, I've had many a-ha! moments. In fact, I'd wager to say that I've learned more about myself in the last two months than what I had in the previous 12.

I've learned to trust myself. I've learned to listen to my body more. During the decision to put my house on the market, getting an offer, looking for houses, and ultimately deciding to live with Joe, I've learned to trust that everything will be okay - no matter what happens.

Moreover, I've learned to trust myself again with food. I'm not saying I'm perfect with this...but as harried as things felt last week, I kept going with what felt right to me: Eat things that fuel your body when you're hungry. Don't deprive yourself, but do exercise self-control.

I'm pleased to report that I had another 2 pound loss this week. This loss, even when paired with the 2.8 pound loss from last week, doesn't even negate the 5 pound gain I had a few weeks ago. But it's in the right direction.

It feels good to have a loss and know that you "earned" it. I put in the work, I listened to my body more consistently than I have. I made mistakes, but I worked through them. It'll be something that I'll have to practice with more regularity until it becomes my habit, of course, but for now I'm focusing on the feeling of when I am mindful about my eating, I feel great.

I'm proud to be at 53.8 pounds down...even if it is the umpteenth time I've been here. I'm proud to be here because I know that this is the last time I will be at this weight.

Oh, and my size 16 jeans are no longer too tight. :) Sure, sure...the best news is that my body feels better, but come on! Not having to use a shoehorn to get into jeans that are too tight is a fantastic feeling. Can I get an "Amen?"


Jams said...

Amen! Weight loss, healthy eating, healthy living... it's all difficult when you've grown up doing the opposite.

You're listening to your body and you're making great strides towards where you want to be. It's hard to hit that same spot over and over again (believe me, I know) and think... "what if I had kept going the first time?" The problem with that is that you can't live your life in the past. What's done is done.

I commend you for looking forward, for learning from your mistakes, and for sticking with it. You're going to make it to your goal and you're going to stay there!

Lesia said...

I second Jams comment!

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Amen to that!

Listening to and trusting your body is the hardest thing, especially if you've been dieting for years (the exact opposite of listening to your body or trusting it!).

Sometimes I like to think that maintaining for a while at a certain weight is jsut practice for when we take it ALL off for good.

If you'd maintained your weight within 5 lbs when you get to the end, you know what I call that? A Success Story!

So you see? You are just gaining experience and practice for never putting it back on again!

POD said...

I third Jams comment because i am lazy!!!

Happy Fun Pants said...

I'm actually not mad or frustrated at why I didn't lose all the weight last year...yet. I'm allowing the possibility of that being the case in the future. :)

I know that I just wasn't in a place where I was mentally ready to let go of it yet. I had to continue down this path - one where I treated myself with love, patience, and understanding before I could continue.

I actually harbor no ill will towards not losing it all to begin with - in fact, I was and am proud that I kept off the weight that I had lost up until this point.

The extra weight I have? It's what I've had most of my adult life...it represents a lot of pain, a lot of hurt, and a lot of abuse - both from other people and myself.

I've recently begun to realize that it's okay to let it go and have found a way (that at least for right now) helps me let it go.

Katy said...


Misspudding said...

Amen! :)

Brandy said...

Amen! You are able to push on now, sometimes we need the time to get to that point. That point is now and what a wonderful thing! You are taking control, keep going!

TinaM said...

AMEN! :)