Friday, May 28, 2010

Snooty and Snobby


Can I tell you a secret?

I'm going to eat at a place tonight that I do not like. I'm going to meet people that I do not like.

Lemme' back up.

Last year in October, I suffered from a bout o' crazy. I had decided that my old birth control was boring (even though nothing was wrong with it) and instead decided to try Nuvaring. You can read more about that fun/hellish ride by clicking here. I want a stiff drink just thinking about that time in my life.

Anyway, at this time, Joe decided to introduce me to two of his friends. I'll admit, I thought that it would be FANTASTIC. Here is the "other couple" that we've been waiting for. The one that we would go on double dates with, the one that we would play cards with, the one that we would laugh and take vacations with. We found our couple friends - at last!

Only when I walked into the severely overpriced restaurant, I felt uncomfortable immediately. We met the couple (who were more than politely late) and for the sake of this blog, I'll call them Snooty and Snobby. They started talking about concertos and what their favorite sonata is. They discussed people I didn't know and topics that I had nothing to do with. It was the.most.boring.dinner ever.

They suggested ordering a bottle of wine for the table and then made a joke about how they should just order White Zinfandel. Peals of laughter exploded from their lips.

"As IF we would order that swill," said Snooty.

"I know! How do people even drink that? It's preposterous!" said Snotty.

Joe gave me a look as if to say 'sorry' because he knows that that was usually what I ordered at restaurants. I have since graduated to Pino Noir which is still below their acceptable wine level.

When it came time to order dinner, they decided to split an entree' saying that it's just so much food to eat! No one could possibly eat all of the food that they serve at this place! So, Joe and I decided to do the same.

Dinner arrived and our plate had 6 ounces of fish on it. That's right. We had to split 6 ounces of fish. Luckily we ordered a side of asparagus (which was great) to help fill in the black hole that is my stomach. Only, Snooty and Snobby decided to help themselves to our side of asparagus and continued to talk about the most boring crap ever.

By the end of dinner, I had only been asked one question which was "Are you German?" When I said no, I had to listen to reasons why they THOUGHT I was German. And here's the thing. I don't give two craps about what someones lineage is, but really? That's the one thing you want to know about me?

During these "conversations" I felt insecure. So much of what I was feeling was due to the hormone instability from the Nuvaring, but I couldn't shut down my emotions. I felt picked on, belittled, unimportant, and sad.

The waiter came back to entice us to order dessert. At this point, I was so OVER this dinner that I declined to order. Joe looked at the menu and, knowing that I was watching my weight but that I like ice cream, recommended the KIDS ice cream cup on the menu while the three of them would split a dessert.

I almost ripped his face off right then but it would've gotten blood on the custom linen tablecloths and I didn't feel like paying a dry cleaning bill.

The bill for two entrees, one appetizer (which only they ate), two sides, and one bottle of wine was almost almost as much as my car payment. So what if I was raised by people who drank wine out of a box from time to time? The $150 bottle of wine didn't taste discernibly better.

I remember leaving that dinner hungry and sad. I doubted my own worth and couldn't believe that Joe didn't stick up for me more.

We got home and had a "discussion" where I SOBBED. I told him all the things that I was feeling. I told him how I thought his friends were snobby and snooty and how I didn't want to ever be around them again. I cried my heart out. I was disappointed in myself for buying into the belief that I wasn't good enough.

I was sad that they weren't the couple that I wanted them to be.

Joe apologized for not bringing the discussion around more to me and my life and tried to console me...but he thought I was over-reacting too. And in his defense, I was. I knew it. I'm usually pretty even keel. To this day, I blame my OVER reaction on Nuvaring. I mean, it was not a fun dinner, but it wasn't something worthy of SOBBING about either. *

So, we were invited to their house for a Christmas wine tasting (I am SO not kidding) that was passable, but only because I had 5 glasses of wine. And every time Joe has been invited to go out with them, I've had other plans.

Until tonight.

I don't want to go. I don't want to be hungry. I don't want to re-live the doubting myself, the tittering laughter, and the uber boring topics. But I do feel like I want to prove that I can hang out with people in dreadful circumstances and still act sane when it's done.

To be clear, Joe said that I didn't have to go. And I know that if it sucks again (and seriously, let's be honest, it TOTALLY WILL), I won't choose to go again. I think I just have to go this one time to feel like it's not me, it's not the Nuvaring. These people really are douche canoes.

I'm going to go and try to remember this quote:div>
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

So any suggestions on what I could or should do at dinner tonight? We're going to the same overpriced restaurant as before.

(le sigh)

* I don't know why he's friends with these people. I've met his other friends and they're fantastic - not snooty or snobby at all. He used to work with both of them and I know that they were two of the people that helped him at his old job. But I have no idea why the heck one would actually choose to hang out with these people.


Curvy Jones said...

I'd eat before I went to dinner (seriously when it's that expensive, you don't want to order much), drink whatever the hell you want to drink. I am kind of shy in person and one thing I used to do is prepare five questions in my head to ask when my mind just went totally blank and I couldn't think of anything to say. When the conversation gets boring, pop out a question.

Curvy Jones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

You know, you should go with your head held high, and BE YOURSELF!!!

Just to head them off at the pass, order your Zinfandel right off the bat, or mention you are going to have it, if that's what you normally have or want to have.

Be decisive and don't wait to hear what these idiots' opinions are.

Who are THEY anyway? The most "cultured" people in the world are the ones who are open to many things.

The people who want to act snooty and snobby are doing it to prove something to themselves.

The most important opinion of you is YOUR OWN.

Holly said...

I saw eat before too. That way you can still split a meal with your husband and not feel starving on you way out.

I like the idea of making up questions before hand too. A friend of mine always come up with different "would you rather" questions so ask while hanging out. You could do that. Or politics or world affairs are always conversation starting.

I will be anxious to read your after post on how it went assuming you do let us know.

Most importantly, be yourself! If you want to order that wine you like, go for it, and don't let their snooty ways bother you. Keep at the center of your thoughts that you are there to support your husband.

And maybe just maybe try to enjoy yourself.

Misspudding said...


Holy shit. Sorry, I got a little caughtup in that.

Anyway, oh hell, give the snobs a chance. When you go this time, don't think about the last times, just give them a clean slate (while still giving yourself some safe emotional distance) and see what happens. You might end up liking them a little more.

And if not, then you have more ammunition to tell Joe in the future that you absolutely will not hang out with them.

Good luck!

Brandy said...

I don't know, but douche canoes is freaking funny as hell! LOL I love it I'm totally stealing it from you!

Lily Fluffbottom said...

Douche canoe. Classic!

Curvy Jones' suggestion is excellent. I never thought of that. I always really enjoyed observing the way people interact with one another. Sometimes they're terrible, sometimes they're sweet, but sometimes they surprise you. I really hope they surprise you this time around. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

Margie M. said...

Yes...please tell us how it goes tonight.

In my experience (being a dinosaur you know) folks like that act that way to make themselves feel superior. Not that they *are* superior...they just want to feel that they are. They purposely act like stuck-up prigs to make *nice people* like you feel inferior. Just hold your head up high, know that you are better than they are, and smile. That will drive them nuts if they see they are not getting to you.

Margie M. writes at:

Lesia said...

Anne~ I have to confess something. Since my foot hurts to sit at the computer for any length of time. I wait for my husband to get home and he reads me your post. This really started after the drink went blowing out of my nose on your Victoria Secret blog. So this event of reading your blog is becoming a nightly date night. Where we both laugh out loud not just that LOL stuff either, Have you considered taking up writing? I think you could write a really killer book.

Any now back to your post. I agree with the 7 before me. It even crossed my mind that you should smoke a joint first then you can just sit and laugh at her and eat your heart out. Then I thought that would not be good if you were trying to lose weight, But it sure sounds funny. (And I don't even do drugs, just seen it on TV). You rock and thanks for keeping my date nights happening every

Traci said...

I can't wait to hear what happens. You already got lots of great advice. :)

Katy said...

Lots of good advice. I can't wait to hear how it goes. I'd order white zinfandel just to shock them. Sorry, but I want to punch those bastards in the face. D-bags for sho. I think people who are sooo into putting on a front are probably the most insecure people on the planet, just remember that. If you can be yourself, I'm sure a part of them will love you for it...then hate you because they have the physical inability to do the authenticly. If I were unable to be true to myself I probably could only eat half a piece of 6 oz fish too. Ugh, keep me posted.

Flabby McGee said...

If I were you, I'd bring McDonald's, scratch my ass and ask the waiter if they have cheese fries and wine in a box. Then make sure you pick your nose and burp real loud the whole time. They'll never want to talk to you again... :P

TinaM said...

Everyone is right about them just trying to make themselves look better then everyone else. These people probably KNEW you were uncomfortable, and probably loved it.

You need to be yourself. Order your own dinner, and whatever you want to drink. You don't have to split one, or do ANYTHING just to impress them. For that kind of money, you need to enjoy it.

I don't think you over reacted. They sound horrible.
If my fiance didn't stick up for me, I'd be pissed too. BUT I would be more mad at myself for not sticking up for me.

Be yourself, if they don't like it, who cares! If they ask you any more stupid questions, ask them if there necks hurt from holding there noses so high up in the air!

Amy Pousson said...

Douche canoe? why have I not heard this before now?! Magnificent!!

Elanor is right. Don't give them permission to make you feel bad.

Food wise, I'd say have a healthy snack, drink some wine and guard your asparagus with your life. Snooty and Snobby taking your asparagus?! WTF?!

greekwitch said...

Hello there! I am new to your blog.
I do not know if you already went to that dinner. However you know the fact that you should n't let them make you feel this way. I am confident(in pretty much everything besides my body image!), so i would order the wine they dislike only to prove a point.
Be yourself, the little i know from the few posts i have read of you, i know you funny and kind and interesting. Just let yourself shine!

Lyn said...

I just read this and am dying for an update! I hope it went reasonably well and at LEAST you got fed!

Lanie Painie said...

I would not feel inferior to these people. Whatever you do, drink water. Then pretend you're watching a sitcom about idiots. Ask them questions about themselves as that is their favorite subect. Then, laugh - stop suddenly and apologize saying that you thought they were kidding. Enjoy! I can't wait for tomorrow's report!