Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Well that sucked...

So here's the thing: I get hot sleeping at Joe's.

It could be that his bed retains heat more than mine did. It could be his house temperature. Or it could be that the guy has a normal body heat of 450 degrees and it's like sleeping next to the sun (hello metabolism that keeps him at 150 pounds!) EVERY NIGHT.

I used to sleep in t-shirts and fun pants.* But the fun pants, especially during the summertime, are SO HOT that I end up taking them off halfway through the night and throwing them on the floor.

Because of this, most mornings I get out of bed in just a t-shirt. I the movies, it looks like this would be so. very. hot. But in real life, with my cottage cheese legs, unkempt crazy hair, and dimpled bare butt it's not quite as attractive.

Occasionally I sleep in the nude (I know...I probably should've warned you), but my shoulders get cold when they're not I like to sleep in SOMETHING.

My mom slept in...well, I don't know what. But she always wore a "housecoat" when she was up and about in the mornings. I think we can all look at this picture and agree that it is sex-ay! I'm sure Miss Manners would say that there is nothing wrong with a housecoat. But it's not exactly the look I'm going for.

I recently got a Victoria's Secret catalogue in the mail and I thought "I know that I wear a size large in their undies...I'm sure I can fit into their sleepwear!" Joe and I looked through it, he picked out things he liked (and during this exercise there were times where I had to say that I was not going to be sleeping in a feathery negligee every evening thankyouverymuch).

SO yesterday, I went to Victoria's Secret because they are having a huge sale these days. I walked in the store and saw that the only nighties they had were on "sale" for $30 and they had screen printing all over the front.

I asked the young woman working if they had something else that I could sleep in and she said "of course!" and took me over to the "Pink!" side of the store.

For those that don't know, this section is reserved for teenagers that continually have their (unbrushed) hair in a sloppy pony tail. They are sucking on lollipops, have their thong strap showing above their sweatpants (which are scrunched to end at the knee and have "PINK" written all over the butt of the sweatpants) and are happily prancing around in a tank top WITH NO BRA. Let's be clear: I am not that person. I wear a 16 most days, and have 36DD's. These pants and bottoms maxxed out in what was marked as a "large" but in reality was the size of a toddler's Dora shirt.

One of the shorty shorts that they had for sale pictured bananas on one side and strawberries on the other. Alright, I'm all about some thinly veiled sexual innuendo, but what are the strawberries for? And as I'm thinking this, I'm realizing that not only could I not squeeze one butt cheek in these shorty shorts, but I am so out of touch with things these days that I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT STRAWBERRIES MEAN!

I almost had a mental breakdown in the store. 500 bonus points for me for not losing it.

So I looked at the little shop lady and said, "Oh. I think I'm looking for something that will fit me. And something that will be a bit more suited for my style." I mean, at the time, I was wearing a polo shirt, Levi's jeans, and Keen shoes. Not exactly high school tramp material.

She takes one look at me and says, "Yeah, those things usually don't fit people like you. But it's not like we can get them in bigger sizes. Maybe you could try a different store?"

Alright. To be fair, I kind of asked for that. But really? Ouch. 625 points awarded for not ripping off her arms and beating her with them.

Next door was a store that I SWORE I wouldn't walk in again. Lane Bryant.

But I really needed something. So I walked in.

Only I'm too small for the 14/16's they have there (I know...some of you all are screaming "BOO HOO!" at your monitors right now). It's just that I've worked SO hard to get out of that store. And let's be honest, the cuts aren't always the most flattering. I stood in the dressing room, wearing what could only be best described as a pink cotton gunny sack realizing that I fit NO demographic.

Is it so wrong that I want to wear something that's comfy at night, breathes, and still doesn't look like a housecoat/mu mu? I want it to be age appropriate and cute. Feminine while still comfy. I'm a size 14/16...too small for the big stores and too big for the small stores. I HATE THIS SIZE.

I ended up buying several nightshirts that were a bit too big because I just didn't want to deal with it any more. Fine, Lane Bryant. YOU WIN. You have me back as a customer. I'll just try to shrink the heck out of these nightshirts.

The whole way home, I was HATING myself. I started chastising myself for every cookie, treat, chip, or pasta serving I had this past week that contributed to my gain of three pounds.

I started doubting my healthy eating plan of eating when you're hungry and not eating when you're not hungry. I started remembering all the times this past week when I didn't follow the eating plan. I started feeling guilty. I started second guessing myself. I told myself that maybe I should just eat a salad for dinner.

By the end of the night, having eaten the leftovers that I wanted to eat and watching someone win $250K (who was wearing the ugliest belt buckle I've seen), I had a better perspective.

If I stop my eating plan now and go back to counting points, I'm giving up. Maybe it's hormonal, but my body is wanting richer foods these days. Last week was a hard week emotionally...and because of it, I ate when I wasn't hungry. Eating when you're not hungry isn't horrible, but when you're eating "real" food - stuff that is decadent and made with real cream, etc. - when you're not hungry makes it easy to pack on the pounds.

I'm no longer sporting my belt at notch three. I'm no longer down 55 pounds AGAIN. And in our bedroom, there is a bag slightly full of nightclothes that I don't want to have to wear.

Honestly, it sucks.

BUT I know that by sticking with this plan and listening to my body WILL get me back to wearing a notch three.

I will be able to buy the nightclothes I want soon.

Now is not the time for giving up. It's the time for re-dedicating myself to being kind to me. It's time to listen to myself and to not only WANT to be healthier, but to actually BE healthier.

And for the love of all that's holy, I will find out what the deal with the strawberries are.

*Fun Pants: basically lounge/pajama pants. See also:


Curvy Jones said...

I think New York and Company is the smaller, cuter, more stylish version of Lane Bryant. They stop at around a size 18, going down. If your mall has an LB, they should have a NY&Co. Other options may be CATO, or if you have a Target? Gilligan O'Malley makes some cute tank and boyshort sets. Don't give up!

I don't think I'll ever wear the silly string and tape that Vicky's secret is made of. That stuff looks best on the floor.

Katy said...

strawberries=vagina, duh! hahaha, j/k I have no idea what the strawberry is about. I'd go to Old navy for night stuff, or just sleep in the buff. I actually gave in and got a robe this year. I went to Macy's and it's actually pretty decent. Not a "house coat" by any means, but not so lacy and silky that it doesn't serve it's purpose. You did yourself a favor by skipping out on VS. I think thier stuff is so poorly made.'s the ticket! GAP Body. They are my favorite.

Jams said...

Stick with the nude, and steal the covers from Joe! Don't beat yourself up lady... You'll be back on notch 3 before you know it!

Lesia said...

OMG~while I was reading your post I laughed so hard that I blew my drink out my nose. Note to self...before reading her blog swallow liquids! I am the same STUPID size too. I just don't have your boobs:( I feel your pain. I can relate to the whole sleepwear thing. I swear we are sisters from a different mother. (some how that doesn't rhyme like brothers do)Any how I loved your blog and thanks for the

Flabby McGee said...

Ok, I read a LOT of blogs - and most times I skim through, pick out the important stuff, and comment or whatnot. (It's a time thing, not a "I don't care about ppl's blogs" thing) Anyway, I found myself reading every word of this post, and loving every minute. I too, get hot and uncomfortable, but need my shoulders covered. So I can't sleep butt nekkid, although that would be comfy. And I laughed my BUTT off when you described getting out of bed in a t-shirt!!! I know exactly how that feels. You are really, really funny and I think I'm going to adore reading your blog in the future!!! Don't give up, because you need to chronicle your weight loss like this - you have a real talent!

Waisting Time said...

I sleep in t-shirts. Unflattering but comfy. When the kids were gone one night my hubby suggested I go nude but I am with you...I like my shoulders covered. Something comforting about that. My biggest complaint is stuff that twists around me since I toss and turn.

I don't get the whole trend of wearing clothes that give free advertising to the company. Like Pink. And why plaster it on one's butt!

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Hi there!

I gave you a blogging award today (I'm not sure if you're into those), but drop by my blog to see what it's about!

meleemistress said...

tshirts for me. And men's boxer shorts. It's not all that sexy, but it works.

Tami said...

This is my first time to your blog and I was laughing with you, embarrassed for you and feeling bad right along with you!

I have no idea what the strawberries mean!

I am so glad you decided to stick with your plan and keep moving forward.

I look forward to following your blog and your progress.

Wallene said...

Are you sure they weren't cherries? Or were the strawberries V/S veiled attempt at NOT using a cherry on one side.

I hate their lingerie, sleepwear etc. I had the nicest set given to me as a gift when I was married [a short nightie and bathrobe, tasteful] and after 15 years it started to wear a bit - so I went back and was being treated to a new set - unfortunately, although the stuff fit - it was ATROCIOUSLY ugly. Good lord. The closest I could find was a dayglo turqoise short nightie with a matching yellow shortie bathrobe - poorly made and even butt uglier.

Never again. And I found out years ago that they used to use other manufacturers bras and stick their own labels on them. Stopped buying bras then.

Anyway - what is a nightshirt anyway - something that is supposed to be loose and not form fitting - it should be comfortable to sleep in and keep your shoulders warm.

So - you got that and that is what is important - I understand that the store has a meaning to you and it is hard to overcome - but try and think of it as a nightshirt and nothing else, just this one time.
I know that is a lot to ask and
I am not diminishing how you feel at all, believe me - but maybe a new way of thinking might propell you forward.

And then you can take a brick to the salesgirl at V/S - 'cause she is as dense as one. Call me. I'll join you.

Wallene said...

PS - I forgot to put in my screen name - above "Wallene" is my daughter and I gave her a blog the other day and now can't get rid of her name...eek.

[PSS - I know they were strawberries - I was just kidding!]

~SkippyMom~ [and the Wallene link goes to my blog not hers :)]

Brandy said...

Seriously I would of talked to a manager about her insult. It is not her job to talk about your size or anything related to what the store does or does not offer. I can't believe people...even if she was thinking she was agreeing with you it is not her place. Ok, rant over. It's frustrating finding clothes I'm at an 18/20 but Lane Bryant is to big chested for me and small stomched or the legs are baggy. Hang in there you will find clothes that fit and you will be able to keep your style!

POD said...

Well, first of all, You have my description down pat.
"(unbrushed) hair in a sloppy pony tail. They are sucking on lollipops, have their thong strap showing above their sweatpants (which are scrunched to end at the knee and have "PINK" written all over the butt of the sweatpants)."

And I had this same thing happen in a LameGiant store once. (j/k)
But size xl fits me and I'm enormous. So order out of the catalog.

Kait said...

Old Navy and Target have been the best for me to find comfy, cute, seasonal and age appropriate sleepwear.

99ToGo said...

Could it be, that there is another blogger out there doing the exact same pj shopping that I am?? And suffering the same ills? I've given up too, and am wearing too-big nighties that my mother bought for me. From Wal-Mart no less. Geesh.

Barefoot Pixie said...

LOL. So funny and so true. I agree with Old Navy or Target. Cute, cheap and better selection.

Love your post and love your blog!

Margie M. said...

This post is great. So many times we cannot find what we want or need. I agree with the rest of the comments...go to Target.

I'm "old" and menopausal so I make my husband cover up with lots of blankets so I can have the window open full. Maybe you could open a window too? LOL

The Babe said...

If only you'd asked me.
A. I would have gone shopping with you, so that you learned that there is a happy medium between VS and LB.
B. I could have told you that the strawberries and bananas are so that your SO can watch you roll over in the middle of the night and see if they won the Jackpot.
3. Duh. If it's just your shoulders getting cold, you need you a bedtime shrug. Not that they have them, but if you and I put our heads together we can invent them and get us the same success as the Slankie.
D. Double-Duh. You need you some Happy Fun Shorts.

You know, for a smart girl, you really need to use your head more (I tease because I love).

Tell you what...if you'll go to the fancy bra shop in Cherry Creek with me so I can get a new, yet outrageously-large, bra that fits, I will help you find Happy Fun Shorts and a matching nighttime shrug.

Love, Audra (Bariatric Babe)

Lynda with a Y said...

Thank you. You just verbalized what I've been thinking for a while. And for the record, I got "kicked out" of Ms. Victoria's Secret.

Misspudding said...

I have a picture of you, SOMEWHERE in my stash of photos, WEARING YOUR FUN PANTS!!! :)

Seriously. Dorm days, man. Good times!

Anyway, I completely empathize! I went to VS about a month ago, mainly to get bras (I'm a 38C) which I do like there. But I also wanted to find something a little cuter to sleep in. Unlike you, however, I made the mistake of TRYING STUFF ON.

Even the regular, non-PINK nighties, in XL just did not fit. Talk about demoralizing. I was seriously sad that day.

Try Target. Love the Gilligan and O'Malley line. It's sooo soft.

Kellie said...

Try JcPenny or American Eagle (they have cutesy pjs).

You will be back to notch 3 and down 55 pounds in no time!

I've never been a big fan of Victoria's Secret (even when I could fit into their stuff). Too much perfume. Too pink.

I would say you get 1000 pounds for not ripping that lady's arm off and beating her with it. What a tool she was. Surely she could have used a better choice of words.


McCulley's said...

First time on ur blog and will NOT be the last. Thank you for your humor! I need this to get me going.

McCulley's said...

P.S. the belt buckle was beyond hideiuos! What was he thinking!

Georgia said...

Too flippin funny!

I gave up on LB a long time ago…they use to have some cute stuff but now it’s all crap.

Believe it or not, I found some great PJs at target! And if they fits my 40dd’s and size 18 bod—you shouldn’t have a problem! :)

BTW: I would have told the VS moron off--triple your points!