How I know I'm on the right path

My original post that was originally titled "Two steps forward, one step back":

Yesterday I bragged about how I was down 4 pounds, about how I had run twice in the last three days, about how I was back on it.  Living at a level 5.

And right after I hit publish?   I ate four brownies.  Sure, they were small.  But still...

(sigh)

I think sometimes when I blog about successes I have, I'm fearful that I don't really deserve it.  I think that's what "The Voice" tells me...that I don't deserve good things.

And, even when I knew that I was feeding insecurities, etc. I decided to eat when I wasn't hungry (aka all last night).  I didn't even eat foods that I was craving.  I ate out of rebellion (I think).

(sigh)

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I thought of what I ate and then thought of my scale of hunger yesterday.  My bloating feeling this morning just told me that I overindulged last night.  And I really didn't beat myself up on it.

I looked in the mirror and realized that today I get to "do it" a bit better; today I get another chance to live a healthier life.

I ate my breakfast this morning (not my normal breakfast...Joe and I signed up for a week long meal service a few months ago and so all my meals this week are pre-cooked, pre-proportioned, and under 1200 calories for the day) and couldn't finish it.  I realized that a bit too late though.  So I still have probably a cup of fresh fruit left which I'll take to the break room fridge momentarily.

I'm determined to not eat until I get hungry again - at a 2 or 3.  From the way I feel right now, it'll be a while.

I also realize that yesterday I didn't WANT to eat what was pre-portioned and packed for me (again, the healthy meal service).  So I didn't.  Instead I ate four small brownies, a half serving of soy crisps, and some all natural nut butter on a double fiber english muffin.  I didn't eat their dinner either - instead I had Pinkberry frozen yogurt, two servings of Sun Chips, a serving of Annie's Cheddar Bunnies, and two pieces of Dove dark chocolate. * 

Anyway, both pre-made meals (according to Joe - who had the same things, just bigger portions) were good.  They even looked good.  I think I just did it out of rebellion.  Sometimes I can be SUCH a kid about things.

So today, I have a salmon chunked salad OR a steak and cheese sandwich to eat for lunch - somehow having two options make me feel better.

I may not be successful every day, but I *am* learning - even if it's just more about myself. 

What started out as an aside:
* Wow.  Is that right?  Here I was thinking that I way overate and looking back on what I wrote, I didn't.  I mean, I ate when I wasn't hungry (which is something I'm determined to be mindful about) but this is a FAR cry from the days where I'd eat 12 candy bars in one sitting. Certainly they weren't healthy choices, but again, it's not like I was eating copious amounts of fast food.  I'm not justifying that what I ate was good or healthy...just that it's not as horrible as I had thought.

I felt so bloated last night and this morning from what I ate - but I suppose it was that after days of living at a level 5 of hunger/fullness satisfaction, my body didn't like being that full.  Earlier in my journey, I would've felt this horrible only after eating SO MUCH stuff...that I guess I just assumed that I had way overdone it.  Even for breakfast today, I had two eggs scrambled with some artichoke in it, two pieces of turkey bacon, and a half cup of fruit.  I feel very full - but it would've taken at least twice that to feel this full in the past.

In looking at what I ate yesterday, even if I had counted up points, I don't think that I would be over my daily allotment with some extra weekly points thrown in.  In my WW days, I would've eaten what I did, felt horrible about it, but then counted up my points, saw that I was within them and then would've patted myself on the back because I stayed below a number that someone else told me was healthy.  Now I'm able to look at it, realize that it wasn't healthy, that my body didn't feel good, and want to change it - no matter what the points say.

Suddenly, getting "back on track" doesn't seem like such a challenge now!  I *can* do this! 

And it reiterates that the focus on being healthy instead of counting points, makes a ton of sense for me.

Holy cow.  THIS IS TOTALLY BLOWING MY MIND!