After a week or two where my healthy eating seemed so EASY, I'm back to feeling like things are hard again.
And it's frustrating.
Sometimes I feel like screaming, "This should be easy!" I look at myself - at how I'm tempted and how it takes constant effort to turn down junk food these days and wonder what is wrong with me.
On the way home last night, I started listening to one of my favorite podcasts - Dan Savage's Lovecast. It's a sex podcast by a gay guy...so probably not kid friendly - but I find it interesting and helpful. Not just because his advice is entertaining and because I hear about things that are completely strange to me, but because I get advice that is applicable to other parts of my life.
Like the time I realized that my weight holds me back from fully enjoying relationships.
So last night, I heard Dan say what I've heard him say countless times before... and I had another A-HA moment.
Work with me here.
See, this guy called in - saying that he was engaged to a lady, but that when he went to bars, he still WANTED to make out with other girls - even though he loves his fiance. He felt like crap. It made him wonder if this girl at home was really the girl for him - because he wanted to be with other girls (at the bars) if only to just make out. He felt bad about himself.
Dan pipes in and explains that being monogamous does not mean that you'll never want to have sex with or kiss someone else. It means that you promise not to. It doesn't mean that you don't have urges to do something different, it means that you refrain from acting on those urges.
For instance, look at Tiger Woods. I think we can all agree that his ex-wife was/is hot. As in SMOKIN' Swedish I-used-to-be-a-supermodel hot. And he still cheated on her - with waitresses from Denny's. We can all say that he's a pig and a jerk, but no one looks at his ex-wife and says "She just wasn't hot enough." Why he thought the skanky ladies were tempting in the first place is beyond me, but what he probably should've done was realize that he wanted to stray and STILL not done it.
|(sigh) and (source)|
With this new realization, the guilt can fade. The fact that I'm tempted to over-indulge doesn't make my diet untrue or invalid. I can look at a food, acknowledge that I crave it or am tempted, and still CHOOSE an option that is healthy.
That I am enticed doesn't make me "wrong" or "bad" or "a failure." It makes me a human.
Disclaimer: Although I'm making the loose connection here between a marriage vow and a healthy living vow, I understand that even if I do eat when I'm not hungry it's doesn't have to be this huge deal. I won't beat myself up for eating a wonderful slice of cake or getting an ice cream cone, if I feel like that's what I'd like to do. My point was really that WANTING to be able to binge, have "cheat days", to stuff myself full, and to order everything I've ever desired is normal. Choosing NOT do to it anyway is key.